Page 5 of Beared at Christmas
“I guess that makes this easier, then.” His endearing half smile made another appearance. “We don’t have to hide that from each other.”
“Yeah, I guess not.” Another chunk of anxiety fell away, and I sat back in the seat, enjoying the heat I hadn’t realized was on until my butt became warm.
“I own my own cabinetry business,” he offered without me having to ask. “I’m a carpenter by trade. That’s why I drive a truck. But the four-wheel drive definitely helps in the snow.”
I nodded. “I’m sure.” Since I didn’t drive, I knew very little about trucks, or vehicles in general.
We chatted for the rest of the ride, getting to know each other. By the time he pulled into the space beside the cabin, I actually wanted to spend more time with him. Instead of trying to do all the activities to avoid being around Ulrik, like I’d expected to do that morning, we decided to plan our week together and make the most of it. I presumed my time at the Winter Wonderland Wilderness Lodge would go far better than I’d expected with someone to enjoy all the events with, so long as everything he told me wasn’t a lie. I would have to wait and see.
Chapter Five
Ulrik
“So, did you always know you wanted to be a programmer?” I ate a chunk of beef from the traditional stew served to us in the dining hall that night, while trying to make small talk with Brody. I really wanted to make up for my attitude toward him when we first met. We’d chatted on and off for most of the afternoon, while both of us were on our phones, looking up things to do in the area and tossing out ideas. I had also made a run into town to get some drinks and snacks from the grocery store before it closed for the evening. Brody had stayed behind, probably a good thing since I needed time to understand the strange pull he had on me. I figured out his apples-and-cinnamon scent had been from the body wash in the bathroom, not Fate trying to replace Raine. Still, I couldn’t ignore how quiet my bear had become considering he’d been restless, wanting to roam and run the entire trip up.
“Not always.” Brody held up his fork speared through chunks of potato and carrot. “I considered being a professional gamer, doing esports for a while.”
“And what made you change your mind?” The whole concept of programming fascinated me, even if I didn’t understand any of the languages used. I knew how to work the visual design program for my job but had no clue how it was created. And I still paid someone to take care of my bookkeeping.
“My parents didn’t want me playing games so much, thought I should play sports.” He took a drink of his water, and I studied the way his eyes fluttered closed as he did so. “So, I joined the computer club at school, instead telling them I joined the volleyball team. Turned out, the computer club didn’t playgames but taught us how to code them. After I made my first game, I was hooked.”
“It was kind of the same for me.” I hoped he wanted to know more about me the way I wanted to learn about his life. Some people didn’t appreciate it when I shared a story that related to theirs. “I thought I would always be a metal fabricator like my father until I took my first shop class in high school. At that time, we did a couple weeks of all the shops available. That’s when I fell in love with wood. Decided I wanted to be a carpenter instead.”
Brody smiled, and his blue eyes twinkled, seeming not at all put off by my story. “What did your father say about that?”
“Dad didn’t care, as long as I found something I was passionate about. Pops, on the other hand, was disappointed. Said I was ending a generational tradition. He eventually came around.”
Brody’s eyebrows narrowed, the way most people’s did when I mentioned the gender of my parents. He may have been gay, but that didn’t stop his internalized heteronormativity. Even I had it, because there were still many people I would never mention that to, especially in my trade.
His confusion seemed to wane as he lifted his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side. “You have two dads?”
I nodded and smiled. “Yep. And a sister. One big happy family.” I would never tell him that my dad gave birth to me. There were some things humans could never know about us.
“And yet, you’re here, stuck with me for the week, instead of them.”
Was he asking a question or simply stating a fact? “Yes. I love them all, but sometimes the pressure to get married again can be too much. I want to do things on my own time.”
His shoulders slouched as he frowned. “My parents haven’t even mentioned marriage to me. They would prefer I stop beinggay first. Marrying a guy would probably make them never talk to me again.”
The corner of his mouth twitched, as if he was about to smile. It made me wonder what he was thinking.
We finished our meal. Brody wasn’t vegetarian, since he ate the beef the same as I did. After slipping out of our borrowed slides and putting our boots back on at the front of the lodge, we dressed in the rest of our winter gear then headed out. Brody had suggested we hike up to the lodge, which meant we had to walk back as well, as the snow fell. While he’d been subdued on the way to eat, he was practically skipping down the snowy road back to our cabin. I smiled as I watched him. Whereas so many people in Iowa dreaded the idea of snow, even though it came every year, the human in front of me seemed to truly love it. He paused and stuck his tongue out, trying to catch some of the flakes. I chuckled, enamored by his carefree attitude, considering the home life he’d grown up in. I loved my family, but I understood why he didn’t want to be around his relatives.
Taking a handful of loosely packed snow from the closest bank, I tossed it in Brody’s direction, wanting to have some fun.
“Ul-rik!” He giggled before setting his eyes with a determined stare as he gathered some snow to toss at me.
With his playful response, I yearned to grab hold of him and jump into the snow with him in my arms. The way I would have with Raine. No, I didn’t know him well enough. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat, unable to stop the guilt from creeping into my gut. Would I ever be ready to get that close to someone else again?
I didn’t know if there was a set time to grieve one’s mate. According to my parents, I’d spent too much time on it. They told me all the time that I needed to move on. My sister had been more understanding, especially since she’d sent me to Oregon. Unless she knew I would get stuck in a cabin withsomeone over the holidays. Was it her way of forcing the issue instead of nagging like my parents? No. She would never choose a human for me. His kind as a mate would only make things more complicated. There were too many unknowns about how the relationship would work and whether a human mate would expose the entire shifter world. Hence, why those of us who could change forms avoided humans as much as possible. Sure, I’d had sex with a few in my early twenties. That had been an experimental phase for me, and my bear hadn’t enjoyed being suppressed during those times.
With Brody, my bear seemed to encourage me to have fun with him. I didn’t know if he was desperate or telling me something I didn’t understand. I shook my head as we reached the porch of the cabin. My heart wasn’t ready anyway. I could enjoy his company and decided to leave it at that.
We kicked off our boots then stepped inside to remove all our winter clothing. It really was a whole ordeal to make sure to dress warm enough for the weather. I often forgot about it during the warmer seasons until winter rolled back around and I adapted once more.
“I’m going to hop in the shower. Can you get a fire started?” With raised eyebrows, Brody chewed on his bottom lip, wearing only his briefs.
I didn’t remember him removing most of his clothes, and it took me a minute to comprehend what he’d asked, my eyes and mind too focused on all his bare skin. I longed to see every inch of him again. “Um, sure.”
