Page 106 of When Stars Collide
“As did I, to be honest.” As surprised as I was to see him, he almost acted like he had expected to see me. “What are you doing here?”
“Luke’s bachelor party. We’re all staying here tonight.”
“Oh. Here? You’re all staying here?” I looked up to see Elle ushering the others into an elevator. She glanced in our direction, and I shot her a look that I hoped conveyed the message that she would have some explaining to do later. “Leave it to Elle and Luke not to be able to spend one night without being under the same roof. Well, it was nice seeing you, but I really need to catch up with the others.”
“Mena, wait,” he called after me.
The door to the elevator began to close. In the middle of the group of inebriated women, stood Elle, giving me the meekest of waves. Seconds later, it was just Peter and I alone in the lobby.
“What is it, Peter?” I turned around to face him, noticing a vulnerability in his eyes that rarely presented itself.
“Like you, apparently, I was also the designated sober person at Luke’s party, and now that everyone is passed out back in the room, I was planning on going down to the bar to get a drink before turning in. Care to join me?”
“I don’t know. Elle seems—”
“To have everything completely under control. Please, Mena. These last few months have been … trying, to say the least. I’ve wanted to talk to someone about it, but every time I reach for my phone, the first person I come to is you. I’d like a chance to explain myself, but I understand if that ship has sailed.”
I glanced between the elevator door and Peter, finally conceding. “Okay. But only because you used a nautical reference.”
*****
A lukewarm breeze, cool enough to beckon goosebumps down my arms, but warm enough to keep me from running back inside, brushed my skin as I stood on the terrace outside of the hotel bar.
“Your rum and Coke,” Peter said, handing me my drink. I took it and held it in my hands, resting my forearms on the railing surrounding the empty terrace. Feet away, streetlights glistened off the Roanoke River. I took a drink as Peter moved to stand next to me.
“Why not call Amanda?” The question spewed from me like word vomit. Normally, I would have at least put some thought into it before blurting something like that out. But I wasn’t sorry that I had. “If you need to talk to someone, why not call her?”
“Because she’s Amanda,” Peter scoffed, taking a drink from his glass.
“You two seem to be close. Spending time together with Jackson.” I thought back to that moment months ago, when Elle and I happened upon Peter and Amanda swinging Jackson between them down the sidewalk. “Going out to dinner together.”
“How did you …” Peter began, shaking his head when he decided mid-sentence that the answer to that question didn’t matter. “We co-parent. That’s it. There’s nothing else going on between us. Maybe at one point she thought there would be. But I don’t have feelings for Amanda. Whatever feelings I had for her once upon a time … well, they’re not there anymore. They haven’t been for a long time, and they never will be, especially since you came back into my life.”
“Then it was solely the distance?”
“No, it was partially the distance.”
I took another sip. I hadn’t looked at Peter since I stepped out onto the terrace for fear that doing so may break apart the pieces of my heart that Phineas had helped glue back together. “Partially the distance and partially the fact that I have no business being anyone’s mother.”
“What? Nothing of the sort. I mean, sure, things were a little … interesting, from time to time. But Jackson adores you, and he’s added some extra words to his vocabulary that he’s been told can’t be said outside of the house.”
“Then what is it, Peter? Did you fall out of love with me?”
He shifted his weight from his left foot to his right, something he always did when standing for a few minutes. “Do you remember when I told you that I didn’t want to be your regret?”
“Yeah, I do. It was the night you brought me back to your apartment from the bar after Elle’s birthday. I was drunk. No surprise there. You said that to me when I tried to take things further than I should have.”
“Right, except when I told you that, I didn’t only mean that I didn’t want you to regret sleeping with me that night.”
“You thought I regretted being with you?” I looked up at him, noticing that his eyes were trained on the river, much like mine had been.
“No, not yet, anyway. But I thought you would, eventually. Especially, if you gave up everything you built for yourself in New York for me, a man who literally had nothing but the shirt on his back to offer you. I couldn’t let you do that, Mena.”
“You took that choice away from me, then? Believing what, Peter, that you weren’t enough for me? Well, guess what? You were. You were always more than enough for me; you just chose to believe your own insecurities.” Eyes glistening with tears, I set my drink down on one of the empty tables, preparing to walk back to my room, when Peter reached for my arm.
“I know that wasn’t fair of me. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing for your sake. But then, with everything that happened with you and my dad dying, I was reminded how short life is.”
“Yes, Peter, it is pretty damn short.” I turned my head, hoping he wouldn’t see the tear making its way down my cheek. “Listen, I’ve had a long day, and I really should check on the goat rodeo that’s going on in my room right now.” As I turned to leave, Peter spoke, stopping me dead in my tracks.
