Page 108 of When Stars Collide
Elle looked up at me, unamused. “We both knew the risks.”
“What is it, then?”
“I’m worried about what kind of mother I’m going to be. I didn’t exactly grow up with the best motherly role model. What if I’m just like her?”
“Like who? Wait, you mean like Betsy?”
Elle nodded, staring off into space.
I laughed in spite of myself. “I’m sorry, but you can’t possibly be serious.”
“Yes, I can, and I am serious.”
“Elle, listen to me.” I took her hands in mine, drawing her attention away from whatever unlikely scenario was playing out in her head. “The fact that you’re even remotely concerned that you won’t be a good mom, tells me you’re going to be a good mom.Are you going to make mistakes? Of course, you are. But the difference between you and Betsy is that you will actually learn from yours and you care whether or not you make them to begin with.”
She gave me a small smile, squeezing my hands. “This is all very new and overwhelming. Trying to do homework and raise a newborn, while being a wife and working a full-time job. My head is spinning just thinking about how I’m going to do it all.”
“Welcome to adulthood.”
“Yeah, it sucks.”
“Yes, it does. So, what are you having? A little Dr. Luke or a neurotic little Elle?”
“We don’t know yet. I’m only two months along. I think I’d like a girl. Luke would be such a great father to a little girl, protective as he is.”
“And I’m going to be an aunt.”
“Actually, I was thinking more like a godmother.”
“Seriously? You want me to be your baby’s mother?”
“Godmother. I’m going to be his or her mother.”
Maybe it was the few sips of alcohol I had, but I could feel my tear ducts beginning to water.
“Are you crying?”
“No. You are.” I wiped the beginnings of a tear from my eye. “It’s just the thought of one of us being a mom. I mean, I know that’s what people our age are doing. I guess, if I never have my own children, at least I’ll have yours.”
“Oh, God. Why are you smirking?”
“I’m going to teach little Elle Junior so much shit.”
“You and Monroe both.” She laughed, catching my eye. “Is that going to be okay? You being the godmother and Monroe being the godfather?”
I nodded. “It’s going to have to be.”
“How very adult of you.”
“Thanks. I’ve been working on it.”
“Speaking of Monroe, may I ask how your talk went? I know it’s none of my business, and if you don’t want to tell me, I completely understand.”
“No, it’s okay. He basically just told me that he’s still in love with me.”
“Of course, he is. He’s been an absolute wreck since breaking up with you. Determined to get his life in order … but still a wreck, nonetheless.” She paused, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, she asked the question I could tell had been on her mind from the beginning. “How do you feel about him?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Half of me hates him. Half of me still loves him. And all of me hates the fact that I’m so conflicted. What’s even more confusing is that a part of me wanted to run back into his arms the second he told me how he felt. But then I thought about Phin and how I feel when I’m with him.”
