Page 124 of When Stars Collide
“What is it, Phineas?”
He moved to speak, starting and stopping a couple of times before the words came out. “I was just thinking that maybe we could take a walk and … talk.” Those were the words he settled on, but I suspected they weren’t the ones he grappled with inside of his head, and they certainly weren’t the ones that had dimmed the light in his eyes.
“Have we reached the point in our relationship where you decide to reveal your serial killer alter ego to me? Where you murder me under the guise of taking a leisurely stroll in the park, rendering me nothing more than the incredibly doable maid of honor, who was tragically taken out just past the prime of her life?”
He laughed, momentarily forgetting whatever it was on his mind. “I think we can both agree that if I were going to kill you, I would have done itwaybefore now.”
“True.” I nodded, pursing my lips. “Hurtful, but true.”
We walked through the small park, which was just beginning to empty in the waning light of evening. If not for the nagging feeling that the other shoe was about to drop, our stroll would have been an enjoyable one. Instead, my anxiety took over, and as we walked along, I searched Phineas’s face for any clues that would lead me to what was going on inside of his head. His expression was painfully unreadable, even though I knew his mind was working a mile a minute. It always was.
We came upon a footbridge over a small stream in the middle of the park. He stopped in the middle of it, leaning against the railing. I joined him, admiring the sharp contrast between the emerald green grass and the cloudy blue stream. Next to me, Phineas’s eyes were closed, his body relaxed and at peace. I echoed his stance, hoping to find some peace of my own. But that wasn’t meant to be.
“Are you still in love with him?” By the slight hesitation in his voice, I could tell it both pained and relieved him to get this question out into the open. Keeping it suppressed even a moment longer would have caused it to fester inside his body, becoming all-consuming.
I knew this moment would come. It had to. This emotional limbo that had been bending me in half couldn’t go on forever, and I, too, was relieved to finally say out loud the thoughts that had been consuming me. With tears in my eyes, I found his face. The sadness was apparent in his eyes, and his desolation only deepened when he discovered the answer to his question written all over my face.
“Yes, I’m still in love with Peter.”
He nodded, but his eyes were pleading with me to take it back, even though deep down he knew that wouldn’t happen. “I didn’t need to ask that question; I already knew the answer. I just didn’t want to admit to already knowing the truth.”
“I care about you, too, Phin.”
He smiled, reaching out to caress my face with the back of his hand. “I know you do. Which is why this is so hard.”
“I’m just so confused. I don’t know what to do, where to go. I’ve never been so lost.”
He shook his head. “That’s not true. You’ve never been lost.” He smiled softly, his eyes watering. “You belong here, Mena, and you know it. Your life is in New York, but your home is here. It always has been here.”
I placed my hand over his, closing my eyes tightly as though that would somehow stop my tears from falling.
“I would try to convince you otherwise, but the way I saw you looking at him today, Mena, I know you’ve already made up your mind. And I don’t believe there’s anything I can say to you to make you change it and choose me over him. If there was, I would say it. Believe me, I would shout those words from the rooftop.”
“Phin, please.” The pain was too much to bear and the tears too heavy to hold back.
“If I’m wrong, by all means come back to New York. Come back to … me. But I know I’m not wrong as much as I wish I was with all my heart.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, grasping his hand that had since fallen from my face.
“Don’t be sorry,” he whispered back, resting his forehead against mine. “I’m grateful to you, Mena.”
“You’re grateful to me for breaking your heart?”
“No. I’m grateful to you for showing me my heart can beat for someone again. I was beginning to think it never would.”
“Phin.” I hugged him, burying my face in his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair, exhaling a trembling breath.
“Tell Peter I said he’s a lucky man. Tell him he’d better love you until the moment he draws his last breath. Tell him he’d better never make you cry a single tear again. Tell him he needs to make you smile and laugh every day. Tell him all of that … and that I hate him down to the very last cell inside of his body.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Phineas left within minutes after we arrived back at the inn. I sat on the bed and watched him pack his suitcase, completely numb. We hardly spoke, except for when I asked him to wait to try to catch a flight back to New York in the morning. He shook his head, stating that he needed to get back to deal with a few issues that had crept up at the office.
We both knew there were no issues back at the office.
After zipping up his suitcase, he made a cursory glance around the room and left with a final look at me, accompanied by a cordial, but pained smile. It took all I had in me not to chase after him when the door latched shut after he walked out of our room. But I knew doing so would just fan the flames of our pain. The truth was that Phineas was right. Virginia was my home. Peter was my home.
“Earth to Mena.” Elle snapped me out of my trance, waving her hand in front of my face.
