Page 44 of When Stars Collide
“Oh, before we hang up, I need to talk to you for a second.” Elle grabbed the phone back from Kirsten, making it a point to put some distance between the two of them before she spoke to me again.
“Are you firing Kirsten from your bridesmaid team? Because if I have any say, it won’t be her.”
“No, I’m not firing anyone.” Elle looked around, apparently satisfied that the coast was clear. “Look, I know Violet can be a little …”
“Extra,” I offered, finishing her sentence.
“Yes, very much. But she means well, and I really think you should start making a concerted effort to address her by her actual name.”
“Don’t worry, I’m no botanist, and my knowledge of flowers has been taxed to the limit. If I were to continue, I’d have to start searching online for new ones, and ain’t nobody got time for that.”
“Coincidentally, though, what I really wanted to talk to you about does involve Violet.”
“Do tell.”
“Keep in mind, she isn’t a doctor or anything, so don’t freak out.”
“Why would I freak out?”
“Violet works for a dermatologist, and she said she saw something—a mole, I guess—that concerned her on your lower back.”
“You know what that means, don’t you?”
“What?”
“Clover was checking out my ass while we were trying on dresses.”
Elle rolled her eyes. “Just promise me you’ll get it looked at. She’s seen a lot of really nasty lesions in her day, and she didn’t like the look of yours.”
“If it pleases the bride, I will acquiesce.”
“That’s what I like to hear. Violet would have told you herself, but I think she’s intimidated by you. Plus, she barely knows you.”
“It’s nice to hear the resting bitch face I’ve spent the better part of my life perfecting is doing its job.”
“I’ll let you go. See you soon?”
“As soon as I can.”
*****
I heard the commotion even before the elevator reached the floor to our apartment. A banging sound accompanied by one of the shrillest voices I’d heard in a long time.
“I know you’re in there! Open the door!”
Please don’t let this involve Jo.
“You can’t keep ignoring me forever, Jo!”
Shit.
“Unfortunately, she can, and she will,” I answered, startling the tall, busty woman beating down our door before me. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get into my apartment.”
“Oh, so are you the reason why she never called me back? You know, I wouldn’t have taken you to be Jo’s type. She told me she likes her women on the leggier side.”
“Since I see you’re into making passive aggressive commentary, Jo also prefers her conquests to have more going on in the tit department, which, as you can see, I’m also lacking. But that’s okay, because Jo is also lacking a certain appendage I like, which is kind of a deal breaker for me.” I turned the key and opened the door to our apartment, stealing a glance back at the bewildered woman. “Spoiler alert, it’s a penis.”
“You must be Jo’s roommate, then.”
