Page 58 of Heart to Heart
“Looking for anything that may point to what the hell is going on.” I opened the refrigerator and took out a large carton of eggs, frowning when I spotted the expiration date.
“What is it,” Taylor asked, taking in my expression. “Are the eggs expired?”
“No,” I answered her, probably more disappointed than I should have been. “They don’t expire for almost two weeks, and they all look okay.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean they used those eggs. I’m going to dig through the trash to see if there’s another carton.”
“You’re doing the Lord’s work there, Taylor.” I put the carton back on the refrigerator shelf, scanning the rest of the unit for anything out of the ordinary. Finding nothing, I closed the fridge and began rummaging around the kitchen cabinets, which were empty besides some dishes and glasses. “I’m beginning to think this kitchen is for aesthetics only.”
“Of course, it is,” Taylor said, lifting the lid to the trashcan and probably reconsidering her life choices. “Brownies aside, when’s the last time you’ve ever seen anyone cooking on this show?”
As Taylor rummaged through the garbage like a human-sized trash panda, I made my way around the room, opening the remainder of the cabinet doors and pulling out drawers, until I came to the pantry, which was tucked behind a door made of frosted glass with the word ‘Pantry’ etched into it, as though stopping someone from mistaking it for a bathroom. I opened the door, expecting to come face-to-face with a box of shredded wheat at most, but instead, I was met with a different type of shredded wheat in the form of a pale man’s bare ass. And if that weren’t enough, hanging from his waist like a decorative belt were a pair of equally as pale legs, attached to feet adorned with strappy black heels I’d recognize from anywhere.
Like a car crash, I was unable to look away, even when the man turned his head to reveal his identity as Jay, along with the top of Sasha’s pixie cut, confirming what I already knew.
“Hey, Avery. I think I found something,” Taylor called from the other side of the kitchen.
That makes two of us.
Beginning to feel sick to my stomach, myself, I quietly closed the door to the pantry and met Taylor over at the kitchen island, where she stood inspecting a blue and white box.
“What did you find in the pantry? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she observed.
“Not much,” I lied. “Just a sack of lumpy potatoes.” I hoped Jay had heard that.
“What?”
“Nothing. It’s not important. What did you find?”
“Is this what I think it is?”
Curious, I took the bottle from her hand and gasped. Magnesium citrate. “Is this used for what I think it’s used for?” I asked, everything beginning to fall into place.
“Yup.” Taylor grabbed another bottle from the trash and tossed it on the island. “How much do you want to bet this made its way into the brownies?”
“I for sure wouldn’t bet against it.”
“And how much do you want to bet it wasn’t on accident?”
PETE THE REALITY GURU
HEART TO HEART? MORE LIKE SHART TO SHART
A sh!tty situation has only added to the absolute insanity that has been this season of the head-scratchingly popular dating show that has seen its fair share of absurdity since its inception.
And Last night’s episode took Avery’s crotch cake and smashed it all over the marble floor…which we’re sure is still being scrubbed even as this article is being published.
After a rousing obstacle course that pitted thevictimscontestants against each other in a literal race for Tristan Tate’s heart, we were treated to a masquerade ball that had just barely gotten underway when, one by one, the ladies started to fall off the radar faster than elimination night after several of them consumed brownies that had been laced with, get this, a laxative.
RIP porcelain thrones.
Who in the house would be devious enough to sabotage the sweet treats? A full investigation has been commenced, which will, hopefully, uncover the alleged party pooper. I don’t know about you, but smart money is for sure on one of the ladies who weren’t hauling butt out of that ballroom.
Who do you think sabotaged the batch of not-so-special brownies?
CHAPTER 31
AVERY
