Page 41 of Heart to Heart
“For the last time,I’m not Siri,” Jay said, his final remaining nerve about to throw itself over a cliff. If he heard Charlie say, ‘Jay, play Taylor Swift’ one more time, he may just drive the whole ass van off the road and into the canyon, and I wouldn’t blame him. At least we weren’t in the same windowless van he’d used to pick us up from the airport, and we’d get to bear witness to our impending demise.
“All I’m saying is,” Charlie began again, “would it kill you to play a little “Karma” or some “Lavender Haze”?
“No, but I’m about to play some “Look What You Made Me Do” in a minute.”
“Jay!” Brittney L. squealed, doing nothing for my throbbing temples. “I knew you were a closet Swiftie.”
Note to self: Don’t drink on the night before taping, especially if I’m going to be locked in a van, ambling around tight curves on bumpy dirt trails on the way to only Taylor Swift knew where. At least I’d been lucky enough to get a spot in the van, sans Bianca and her crew. A win was a win, I suppose.
Next to me, Sasha moaned, her sunglasses doing nothing to quell her raging hangover. Her water bottle was clutched firmlyin her hands, and my bottle of Excedrin was in her pocket. I hoped she would be able to make it through filming because I wasn’t ready to be left alone in the house without her.
Our van turned around a curve, and as the Pacific Ocean came into view in the distance, a ripple of “oohhs” spread through the cabin from those of us who’d obviously hadn’t seen the Pacific Ocean before. As impressive as it was, nothing beat the shoreline of Lake Michigan in my eyes, which sent a pang of homesickness running through me. I wished Kiki were here to see this with me.
“It’s a giant puddle of water,” Sasha said, holding her head in pain. “Calm your tits, people.”
Scratch that. Maybe KiKi was here.
From the rearview mirror, I saw—wait, was that a hint of a smile from Jay? Yes, yes, it most certainly was. Well, I’ll be damned.
The van made another turn as we headed down a dirt road in the direction of a large log cabin with stone columns supporting an equally as large wrap-around porch. Behind the cabin were several stables, surrounded by white PVC fencing, enclosing numerous grazing horses, which meant we were probably…
“Fuck my life,” Sasha moaned. “We’re horseback riding.”
“How do you know that?” Brittney L. asked, drawing a side-eye from everyone else in the van and a rare glimpse in the rearview mirror from Jay.
“Just call it a hunch.” Genevieve rolled her eyes as she pulled her long black and blue hair up into a bun.
The van drove past the house and down a dirt path, where it met the other van carrying the rest of the women parked near the stables just as our housemates were beginning to filter outside under the brilliant blue sky.
“Thank the lord,” Jay announced, putting our van in park, “time to get out.”
“Aren’t you going to open the door for us?” Daisy asked.
“Nope, You’re a big girl. Out.”
“But the other driver let his passengers out,” Daisy continued her protest.
“Good for him – get out.”
Grumbling under her breath, Daisy opened the door to the van. With the early afternoon sun so bright it was close to blinding, we all shielded our faces as we stepped outside, with Jay peeling away within seconds of his last passenger’s exit, blaring Taylor Swift’s “I Knew You Were Trouble” while tearing down the dirt road.
“That son of a bitch,” Charlie muttered.
“I’ll tell you what,” Sasha said next to me, “if things don’t work out with Tristan, Jay is the right amount of grumpy for my lack of sunshine.”
“Well, well, well. Hello, ladies,” Kamila walked out of the stables to greet us. With their entrance, I noticed that cameras had been placed strategically around the property.
A chorus of greetings answered them back, with many of the women craning their necks to see if they could catch a glimpse of Tristan.
“As you may have guessed from the abundance of horses, today you and Tristan are going to be horseback riding, with Topanga Canyon providing a beautiful backdrop for budding romance.”
I looked down at my clothes, thankful I’d opted for my yoga pants and turquoise racerback tank top.
“For those of you novices, not to worry, you’ll be given detailed instructions on how to control the horse that’s assigned to you, and there will be experienced riders up and down the trail if your horse decides to…horse around.”
Beside me, Sasha groaned.
“Oh, and you’ll have experienced equestrian Tristan there, too.”
