Page 85 of EverGreene
“You heard me. Kiss me.”
We remained locking eyes as he took a few steps toward me and leaned down to give me a quick peck on the lips.
“Not like that. I want you to kiss me like you mean it. Like you want to do when you’re trying not to check out my legs at work when I wear that blue dress I know you like. Take me in your arms and claim me right now.”
“Ever, fuck.” There was an edge to his voice that I would have found absolutely panty-melting if not for the fact that I wanted to castrate him and shove his balls down his throat.
Loche’s large hands gripped the back of my head, and his lips crashed into mine, parting to taste me. My tongue caught the familiar hint of wintergreen on his breath like V always had, and I could feel my knees weakening in response. Our lips moved in tandem while my hand moved to caress Loche’s face, traveling to his jawline the way I had with V. The chiseled terrain and the coarse grooves where his razor couldn’t quite reach sparked memories of my hands having been here before. My hands had traced this jawline; my lips had touched these lips.
“Mother fucker.” I jumped back suddenly, tearing us apart. Understanding dawned on Loche’s face, and his eyes widened, taking me in without an ounce of the confidence I’d come to recognize.
“Ever,” he spoke, “I can expla…”
“Take off your shirt,” I commanded him, needing that final piece of the puzzle as though there was a part of me that still believed I could be wrong at this point.
“Please.”
“I said take off the goddamned shirt.”
Overcome with defeat, he gripped the bottom hem of the black t-shirt he was wearing and slowly pulled it up to reveal the distinct tattoo forest I’d traced while V had held me in his arms, naked and vulnerable.
“No,” I whispered, backing up. Tears stung the corners of my eyes
“Hear me out, please.” Loche at least had the common sense to stay where he was.
“Hear you out?” An involuntary laugh tumbled out of me. “No, V…Loche. Whoever you are. I will not be hearing you out. You don’t hold the cards anymore.”
He nodded. “You’re right. Ask me anything you want. I’ll answer you. Yell at me, punch me. You know I can take a hit. I just ask that you refrain from pulling a knife out on me.”
“Am I some joke to you? Is this what all of this has been, some sick, fucking joke? A bet between you and Conrad, perhaps?”
“What? God no.” He moved to take a step toward me, stopping when I held my hand out like a crossing guard trying to hold back a freight train. “You were never a joke to me. Everything we’ve been through together was and still is real for me.”
“Then why gaslight me? Why keep your face hidden? Why not just come clean with me?”
“Because, Ever, you hated me. You wanted nothing to do with me when all I wanted from the first day I saw you walking down the hall was to have you—mind, body, and soul. If you had known it was me at the Halloween party, you would have turned me away. You wouldn’t have given me a chance.”
“Well, you didn’t give me a choice, did you?” Damnit, I wish my tear production wasn’t fueled by anger. “I didn’tflee from Oklahoma to a town I never heard of just to have yet another man manipulate me to suit his own needs.”
“That was never my intention with you. I was just…”
“Being selfish. That’s it, right? You’re selfish, Loche. You got what you wanted, and that’s all that mattered to you.”
“I didn’t set out to trick you into sleeping with me. When I heard you were going to that party, something in me snapped. The guys who go to those things are trouble and not worth your time. I went to make sure none of them hurt you. When you chose me, I knew it was wrong not to say something to you, but in this fucked up brain of mine, I figured it was better you sleep with me than one of them.”
“It was never up to you to keep me safe. I’ve been doing just fine since I moved here.”
“I know. But I’ve also seen what happens when a violent man is scorned and the destruction he leaves behind as a result. Before I stabbed him and ended his reign of terror, my father put my mother in the hospital. Both he and she lied to the doctors about what happened. I almost lost her because I didn’t do anything to stop him, and I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen to you. I meant to stay in the shadows, but then I got to have you, and I couldn’t stay away anymore. One night with you wasn’t enough. The way you looked at V was so different than the way anyone has ever looked at me. I wanted you to look at me as Loche the same way before I told you the truth. I wanted you to choose Loche over V. It was wrong of me. You deserved transparency.”
I nodded, wiping a tear from my cheek with my sleeve. “I did. And for what it’s worth, I was going to choose Loche. Because I kind of liked the man I was getting to know. But it’s impossible to get to know a liar, isn’t it?”
“The me you’ve gotten to know over the last couple of weeks is the real me.”
“Says the man who’s been gaslighting me almost every day he’s known me. I’m going to need some time to process all of this. And space. I need space.”
“Okay,” he said softly in a voice hovering just above a whisper. “I understand.”
How I stayed on my feet when I walked out of Loche’s room, knowing that I’d lost not one but two men who were actually really one man whom I enjoyed spending time with, I didn’t know. All I knew was that I was so numb I couldn’t even feel my legs walking or the cold steel of the door handle in my grasp when I turned it to open the door and leave the room. When the door to my room closed behind me, I leaned with my back against it while my body slid down to the floor. I sat there, my mind blank, my vision blurred by tears, unable to tell whether minutes or an hour had passed, until a notification from my phone in my tote bag pulled me from the haze.
