Page 53 of Phantom
“Wow! That’s an old, old flame. Or is it rekindled now?”
“It was. I fucked it up.”
“Don’t tell me, you focused a little too much on your brother and didn’t live your own life?” he spat back.
“I… no.” Everything that had happened was a result of the fact that I lied to Tess and Nick, a lie that was necessary because of the money I stole—the money I stole so that I could take care of Caid. “Well, maybe a little.”
He growled on the other end. “Listen. There’s no more of that happening. I’m getting better by the day, so when I get back to the states, I’m helping you fix it. You were always crazy about Tess. You should be with her and be happy.”
I remembered how quick Tess was to work Caid into her plans for our future. They barely even knew each other, and they were considering one another. If only I could have it all. “It’s not really that easy anymore. Things got really complicated, and I bought a ticket to Munich earlier today.”
“Seriously? You’re coming here? Are you sure?”
“Yeah. We don’t have to stay in Munich, but it’s like you said, things are bad here. We’ll be safer on your side of the pond.”
“So, bring Tess with you,” Caid said. “Munich’s housing rules are really lax, and I’m sure we’d be able to get a place that we’d all be comfortable in. I’ll give you two lots of private time, I promise.”
For as sad as I was, a smile rose to my face. “I miss you.”
“Gross. Don’t be sentimental.”
“Brat.”
“Look, whatever you did wrong, just apologize. Lay out all your feelings one last time and let her make the final call. If she rejects you again, then yeah, just come to Munich, and we’ll drown your sorrows in some good old-fashioned German beer.
“After the week I’ve had, that sounds good.”
“Fine, but only if you make a valid attempt first.”
I set the picture down and put my phone on speaker so that I could still hear as I navigated to my email to look at the confirmation for the tickets to Munich I’d purchased—one each for Tess and myself, and a companion ticket for Lockjaw. After leaving Hoppa’s, making a run for it felt like the best option, so I purchased the tickets right away. My plan was to come clean to Tess and ask her to come with me that night, but she beat me to the punch.
“I’ll try,” I said. “I don’t think she’s gonna go for it.”
“For once, fight for yourself. You don’t have to fight for me anymore,” Caid replied.
A grin crossed my face. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“No problem. This is my new cell number, so call me when you land.”
“I will.” I gently tucked the picture back into my bag, excited for an opportunity soon to take a newer one. “Bye.”
“Bye.”
The line went dead, and I just sat looking at the Munich tickets on the screen. Tess’ name on her ticket was enough to make my stomach burn. I’d gotten so excited, imagining starting a life with her. My mind was already traveling to things I’d never considered before—marriage, kids, a real and true life, and sharing myself with someone else in a way that I never had before.
Caid had been sick for our entire lives, so I never once thought that I’d have the opportunity to have something that wasn’t taking care of him. Then, even when I did start to dream of it, it was always just that, dreaming. I knew my lot in life, and Tess always felt like a just-for-now luxury. She felt like something I could have for just a little while until I had to hang up any chance of happiness forever. Whether my life was ending with me running off to Munich to spend the rest of my days caring for Caid or dying with Luther’s gun down my throat, I refused to let myself think that it could be anything other than just what I had to do to get by.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot my cynicism. It was almost as if I’d taken on some of Tess’ impulsive, fiery nature and decided that I would just let the cards fall where they may. I lost myself, but at the same time, I found myself. The happiness I’d long since written off was, all of a sudden, in the palm of my hand. Days spent with Tess, evenings drinking at the Taphouse, early mornings working on my bike with Lockjaw curled up nearby—it was real, and it was happy, and it was mine.
I didn’t want to give that up.
Quickly, I slid my phone into my pocket and grabbed my bike and room keys. A cabinet in the chipping wooden entertainment center was a perfect place to stash my bag, so I opened the cabinet and shoved my bag in, then left the room, locking the door behind me.
Forgetting the advice that I’d given, I took the right staircase down and nearly killed myself as I hopped over the broken slabs of stairs, but I was too anxious to care. My bike sent birds and other critters scattering as I started it up and sped out onto the street and back onto the highway toward Hoppa.
Caid was right.
I would lay everything out in front of Tess, the truth, and pray that she would see the truth in my words and give me one last chance to seize the happiness I suddenly wanted so badly.
