Page 19 of Huge Dynamite
Reaching out, he clamps a strong hand high on my hip—and I close my eyes, nearly swooning. Leaning back, he pulls me to him, so my back is against his wide chest, and his arm slides forward and wraps around my waist. With his other hand, he runs a finger down my arm, and it’s like he’s opening a floodgate of electricity.
I try to breathe deeply, but my chest begins heaving, and I can feel him behind me, his wide chest moving in sync with mine.
With the same hand that’s been running up and down my arm, he reaches out and takes my hand. With the slightest amount of pressure, he spins me so we’re facing each other. Looking up tentatively, I stare into his gorgeous eyes. Wrapping two powerful arms around me, he pulls me closer.
Suddenly, I freeze and look away.
“Holly?” He doesn’t let go as he bends lower, trying to make eye contact.
Shaking my head, I reach up, place my hands on his chest, and gently push him away. “I-I’m sorry,” I mutter.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Holly. What’s wrong?”
Looking around, the walls feel like they’re closing in on me. Suddenly, the small, cute room seems dark, dingy, and oppressive. “I can’t breathe.”
“Are you having an allergic reaction to something?”
As my forehead grows slick with perspiration, I shake my head, and my gaze darts back and forth, looking for the exit.
“No allergy. Just… hot.”
Taking a deep, trembling breath, I spy the exit. Holding my small purse tight to my chest, I run for the door just as a short man with curly black hair and a wide smile materializes from the back room. I’m out the door and down the front steps before I hear the man calling.
“Seth?”
“Just a minute!” Seth answers the man. “Holly?” He jumps down the front steps and hurries up to me. “Are you okay?”
Fanning my face with my hands, I breathe in and out through pursed lips, trying to calm my breathing, but it’s not doing any good. The cool fresh air should feel great, but sometimes the darkest nights can feel so claustrophobic—like the black sky is a weighted blanket pressing down on top of me, and all I can do is squeeze my eyes shut and hold on until morning.
“What can I do?” Seth’s brows are knitted together and he looks concerned. No. More than concerned, he looks worried.
Doubling over at the waist, I clamp my hands on my hips and suck in deep, cleansing breaths. Shaking my head, I look up at him. His brow is furrowed, and creases line his forehead. He’s worried about me. Squeezing my eyes shut again, I mentally beat myself up. Like I always do.Way to be smooth, Holly. Way to be smooth.
“If it’s what I did in there…” His eyes flash with concern. “I’m sorry. I pushed too far. I can do that—”
“It wasn’t that.” A warm feeling I don’t recognize overtakes me, and I have this sudden urge to run my hands through his hair and comfort him. “I’m okay, Seth. Really.” Standing up straight, I look into his eyes. “It has nothing to do with you, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I have panic attacks sometimes. Thankfully, they don’t happen in the emergency room or in surgery—they only happen when I have to make a decision about my life. Even minor decisions, like what kind of juice to buy, can keep me in the grocery store for hours.”
“You don’t have to get a tattoo.”
“But I want to.” Searching his eyes, I realize he’s the first person I’ve ever talked to about this who cares enough to listen. “I want a tattoo—and so much more.”
“Like what?”
“Oh.” Chuckling, I look away. “I have plans, you know? Things I want to do that aren’t scheduled and approved by my parents and…” Sighing, I just blurt it out. “Seth, I can’t even buy kitchen towels at Target without being worried that I’m making the wrong decision.” Raising my fingers to my mouth, I gnaw on the corner of a nail.
“Hey.” Taking my hand from my mouth, he holds it at my side. “Don’t do that.”
“Attractive, huh?” I can hear the desperation in my voice.
“Holly, you’re gorgeous. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen—including all of the women I’ve ever seen in movies. There is nothing you can do that would be unattractive. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself. Come here.”
He holds out his arm and I walk up next to him. We’re not touching, but it’s like he has this protective aura that surrounds me.
“I think, Holly, what you need is a break. A moment to just live without judging or feeling judged.”
“I go to yoga, but it’s not helping.”
Smiling, tiny creases form in the corners of Seth’s eyes. He chuckles. “I think we may need more than yoga to get through this.”
