Page 23 of Monk
My saving grace and the thing that keeps me from completely panicking is that Spencer doesn’t know where I am. It’s strange, it’s as if somehow I’ve known I might need a safe place to run to, even back then, but I’ve never specifically told him where my hometown is, nor does he ever really ask. He is always too caught up in himself and his own life to worry about mine. And on those rare occasions he did ask, I had always been purposefully vague. He’s never followed up or seemed to even notice my aversion to telling him really.
The few times he’d met my dad, it was when he was coming into the city to visit us. And those trips were few and far between. Spencer has always known there’s a big rift between me and my dad and will have no reason to expect me to return home because of it. But even if he thinks I will, like I said, it’s not like he knows where home is anyway. Thankfully.
“We were over a long time ago, Spencer.”
“We should talk about this,” he says calmly, his voice even, “like the rational and mature adults we are.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. Honestly, I should have done this long before now. I think you know that. I mean, you can’t tell me you’ve been happy.”
He sighs heavily on the other end of the line. “Look, I know we’ve had a rough time of things lately. I know we haven’t communicated very well, and I’m sorry for my part in that. But I love you, Kasey. I want to work this out with you.”
This is what I hate most about Spencer—or maybe it’s what he makes me hate about myself the most. He sounds so sincere and so reasonable as he speaks, it’s hard to doubt him. But that’s the trap. I know it, and I fall back into it every goddamn time. He knows exactly what to say and how to say it to weaken my defenses. To make me think that maybe this is the time he actually means what he says.
This is the sort of push and pull I’ve dealt with ever since. He’ll say or do something outrageously shitty or mean, and then come back with sweet words, honeyed kisses, and I find myself getting sucked back in again and again. Every. Single. Time. And nothing’s ever changed. He’s always gone right back to being the same sort of asshole and doing the same shitty things to me all over again.
After pacing my room for a moment, I stop at the window and stare out at the forest beyond the glass. The trees are packed closely together, their trunks wide and soaring to the heavens. Reaching out, I unlatch the window and push it outward as I close my eyes and breathe in the musky, earthy scent of the forest, and the salty aroma of the sea breeze.
This time is going to be different. This is where I break the cycle. It’s time.
“I’m done, Spencer. We’re done. I’m not going to play this game anymore.”
“Where are you, Kasey?” he asks. “I’ll come to you and we can talk. We can—”
“No. Are you even listening to me? I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I’m done. I’m walking away.”
There’s a long pause on the line and I can practically feel him seething. I can tell that the anger I’ve become so familiar with is now building up inside of him. I hold my breath, waiting for him to explode.
“You don’t really think I’m going to let you go that easily, do you?” he spits, his voice tight.
“Spencer—”
“Especially not with the bag of money you stole from me. I want it—and you—back home. Tell me where you are. I’m not fucking around, Kasey.”
“No. I’m getting far, far away from you. That’s all you need to know.”
Falling silent for a moment, I consider my options and see that I don’t have many. Not unless I want to see Spencer again face to face anyway, and I most certainly don’t want that. My gaze falls onto the bag sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor and I shake my head. I know I shouldn’t have taken it when I left, but I wasn’t thinking clearly, not to mention desperate as hell. I’m going to have to put that in my it-sounded-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time” file.
But as I kick the bag with my toe, my stomach feeling weak, it hits me that there’s nothing he can do about it. This isn’t the kind of money he can report stolen. It’s cartel cash. That realization gives me a boost of confidence.
“Well, we all want things we can’t have in life, huh?” I say.
He’s quiet for a moment. My belly churns, and my throat is dry. Despite the distance between us and the fact that he doesn’t know where I am, I’m still nervous. Knowing what he’s into genuinely scares me. And the more I think about it, the more scared I become.
“Kasey, you really don’t want to do this.”
His voice is low and menacing. This is another one of his intimidation tactics, and it usually works well. I am scared, but I also know I’m somewhat safe, so it gives me some small sense of security.
“And what do you think the cops would say if I turned this in and told them where it came from?” I give myself a small pat on the back for keeping the quaver out of my voice. “Cops tend to look funny at large bags of cash like this. If I turn it in to them, it might even cause a lot of problems for you.”
“I’m warning you. You know who that money belongs to. And believe me when I say you really don’t want to piss him off. He doesn’t take well to people who steal from him, Kasey. I genuinely don’t want to see anything bad happen to you.”
“I’m sure you’ve got the money squirreled away to replace this. Just think about this as our divorce settlement. Sign the papers and we’ll never have to see each other again. I won’t ask you for anything else.”
“Kasey—”
“Sign the papers. If you need to speak with me again, do so through my attorney. I believe you have his card.”
Before he can reply, I disconnect the call. My hand is trembling, and I drop the phone onto the bed. It immediately starts to ring again, so I shut it off and make a mental note to get a new phone tomorrow. Aside from David, it’s not like I’ve got many people who are going to be calling me anyway. Spencer did a good job of cutting me off from just about everybody in my life when we were still together. It took me a while to see that he’d totally isolated me, and by then, it was too late.
