Page 7 of Domino
“If he hasn’t changed by now, he’s not going to, Ash. This is who he is now. It’s who he’s always going to be,” she reiterates.
I bite my bottom lip and look away. Deep down, I know that. Have known that for a long time. And mixed in with wanting to believe that he can—and will—change, I have to admit that I haven’t left because I’m afraid. Looking up at Maggie, I keep gnawing on my lower lip to keep it from trembling. And when I speak, I pitch my voice low to keep Cole from overhearing me. It would probably only scare him, which will add to my own heaping pile of anxiety.
“I’m scared, Mags. If I leave, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
She squeezes my hand tighter. “You’ll figure that out, hon. The first step of this journey is to get you and Cole out of here. Do you really want him growing up around that? Do you want Cole thinking that Ryan is the example of a man? Do you want him learning to be like his father?”
I shake my head vigorously. “God, no. You know I don’t.”
“Then, you know what you have to do.”
“I know what I have to do. I just don’t know how to go about doing it. I mean, it’s not like I’ve got a pile of money sitting there.”
“No, but you have some, right?”
Ryan would never let me work. Said my place was in the home, keeping the house clean and raising our son. I tried to protest, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Over the years, I’ve been socking away money when and where I can whenever I’ve managed to get my hands on a little extra. Ten here. Twenty there. And on the rare occasion, a hundred or two. It’s a decent little pile of money, but even that nest egg isn’t enough to take and start a new life somewhere.
“I have some. But it’s not enough to get an apartment. It’s not enough to do much of anything, honestly.”
“That’s fine. I’ll loan you—”
I shake my head. “No. Out of the question. I won’t accept charity.”
She gives me a soft smile. “Don’t think of it as charity. Think of it as me investing in you.”
“Uh-uh. I won’t ask you to lend me money.”
“You’re not asking. I’m telling you this is what’s going to happen. I make good money, Ash. I’ve got a house that’s already been paid outright. I have a car. I’ve got everything I need. My money is just sitting in a bank account collecting dust. I want to do something good with it.”
There’s no denying that a little more money would help get me out of this hellhole. But I just don’t feel right taking money from my friends. Never have and never will. It’s just not who I am. When I look up, I see that she’s eyeballing me critically, and I can tell that she’s reading my mind as she’s always seemed able to do ever since we were kids.
“Screw your pride, girl. That’s all this refusal to take a loan from me is. Pride,” she tells me. “If for no other reason, take it to get Cole out of here. It will give me a lot more peace of mind knowing he’s far away from Ryan. It’ll make me feel better. Please, just take it and get the hell out of Erwin.”
“How will I get out of here without him knowing? And where will I even go?” I ask miserably.
For as long as I’ve fantasized and daydreamed about getting out of here, I haven’t actually formulated a concrete plan, since I never thought it was an actual possibility. But when I look up, I see a mischievous glint in Maggie’s eye as she looks at me.
“As it turns out, I’ve got some thoughts about that.”
I laugh despite myself. “Do you, now?”
She nods. “You’re damn right I do.”
We spend the rest of the afternoon making plans for something that I never thought would be a possibility. Something I never dared believe would, or could, ever come to pass. And when we’re done discussing it, I see that it’s more of a possibility now than I ever thought. In fact, it’s becoming a reality.
When we’re done creating my escape plan, I feel something that has been in drastically short supply in my life ever since Ryan got hurt. Something I thought I’d never feel again in my life.
I feel hope.
Chapter Four
Domino
Couldn’t tell you why, but the wind whipping through my hair as we ride just feels different with a patch than it did as a prospect. The guys would probably tell me I’m being corny and ridiculous, but I’m telling you, it just feels different. Maybe it’s because I don’t have to worry as much about minding my p’s and q’s anymore, or maybe I just feel more official. I feel like I’m actually part of the club now, and not just somebody trying out for the team.
I turn my bike and follow Cosmo down a narrow road and into the parking lot of the derelict warehouse that sits in an unincorporated piece of land halfway between Blue Rock and Fresno. It’s served as our meeting point with Montezuma’s Warriors, a Mexican MC we deal with, for a long while now.
I was surprised when I got the call to roll with Cosmo today. They’re really tight, and it’s usually Monk who goes with him to these meets, riding as his second. I’ve tagged along with the cargo van before, but never as his second. I guess maybe that could be the reason I’m feeling so upbeat today.
