Page 6 of Spyder
“My mom… she’s sick,” I finally admit. “I came back to take care of her.”
His face darkens and he nods. “I’m sorry to hear that. That’s a really tough break. I wish…”
His voice trails off, but he doesn’t need to finish the statement for me to know what he was getting at. And I appreciate the sentiment, even if there’s now suddenly a very awkward tension in the air between us.
“Thank you. I appreciate that,” I say, then gesture to the boy, just to change the subject. “Your son is adorable.”
“Oh, he’s not my son. He’s my girlfriend’s boy. This is Cole,” he says, ruffling the kid’s dark, shaggy hair. “Cole, can you say hello to Bellamy? I went to school with her.”
“Hi,” he says softly then ducks behind Max’s legs again, drawing a laugh from both of us.
“He’s shy,” Max says. “Sorry about that.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. Some kids are shy. He’ll grow out of it,” I say.
“Yeah,” he replies. “So, do you have kids of your own? Is that why you’re here at the school?”
I shake my head. “Oh no, not at all. I’m actually teaching over at FDR.”
“Wow, that’s great,” Max says. “Maybe you’ll get to teach this one in a few years. What do you think about that, Cole?”
He giggles and presses his face into his legs again. His awkwardness makes me laugh. It’s absolutely adorable. And watching Max with him warms my heart. For being such a big, gruff guy, he’s really good with Cole. Seeing Max again brings another familiar face to my mind and makes me feel like there’s a swarm of butterflies loose in my belly, their velvety wings brushing against my insides.
“So, do you keep in touch with… umm… anybody from the old days?” I ask.
I cringe at the almost pleading tone in my voice. His smile tells me he didn’t miss it, making me cringe even harder.
“If you’re asking if I keep in touch with Derek, the answer is yes. I see him almost daily, in fact. Want me to pass along your regards?” he says with a low chuckle and a knowing gleam in his eyes that makes me want to kick myself again.
“Sure. I mean, no. I mean…”
I shake my head as my voice trails off and my cheeks flare with heat. Derek is somebody who was in my grade back in high school, and like Max, he ran with a crowd that my own social circle wouldn’t have approved of. He and I were acquaintances and knew each other well enough to say hello, but nothing more really. I always had something of a crush on him, though.
Derek had this whole James Dean,Rebel Without a Causevibe to him that was like catnip to me. I also knew him to be really smart and really charming. We’d sometimes silently flirt with each other. We’d share these long, lingering looks across the classroom or cafeteria, but it never went further than that. My friends would never have approved, and I’m pretty sure his wouldn’t have either. We were just from two different worlds and neither one of us ever seemed able to break our orbits and drift into one around each other.
“Well, not that you asked, but he’s doing well. Like me, he did some time in the military,” Max tells me. “And… he’s still single.”
I almost choke on my own tongue and the heat in my face burns out of control. It’s all I can do to keep from sputtering in front of him. Trying to control the wild churning inside of me, I brush my hair back behind my ears and give him a smile I hope masks my inner turmoil.
“Well, I’m glad to hear that he’s doing well,” I say.
“Why didn’t you two ever get together?” he asks.
It’s a question I used to ask myself long ago. But I was never able to come up with a sufficient answer, so I eventually stopped asking. After my dad died, I had honestly stopped asking myself a lot of questions and just kind of went on autopilot. Maybe that’s what it was. Because I was in the midst of mourning and being a pissed off, moody teenage girl, all I thought about was myself and shut everybody else out.
Back then, I leaned on my friends and conformed even harder to their wishes. I just sort of went along with the crowd and more or less stopped thinking for myself. All of my energy went into planning for my escape from Blue Rock, and I simply didn’t have room for anybody else. Maybe that’s the answer that eluded me for so long… I was simply being a selfish little girl.
I look up at Max and purse my lips. “I guess the timing just wasn’t right.”
He nods. “Yeah, I guess not. You kinda had a lot going on back then.”
“Yeah, I did. Got a lot going on now too, though.”
A wry chuckle passes his lips. “Such is the nature of life. Always a lot of things going on, and our plates are never empty.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
Max fixes me with an earnest gaze. “That’s why it’s on us to make time for those things that mean something to us. Life’s always going to be busy and there’s always going to be something we have to do. But stopping and carving out some time for those things that are important to us… It’s just as important as those things we have to do.”
