Page 47 of Spyder
Prophet nods to Cosmo who steps forward and brings the butt of his weapon down on the back of X’s head. There’s a sharp crack and the sicario slumps over and falls into a heap on the floor in a heap. I look and Cosmo questioningly.
“He’s worth more to us alive than as a corpse,” he mutters to me.
“All right. Let’s clear out,” Prophet says. “I want to be long gone before that prick wakes up.”
I hesitate for a moment, wondering about the wisdom of leaving him alive. I’m not convinced that leaving him alive is in our best interest. But I realize it’s not my place to make those decisions. I’m just a soldier in this little army. And who knows, maybe having him deliver the message to Zavala, telling him what he saw personally has some value to it. I personally don’t think so, but I’m here to follow orders and nothing more.
I turn and follow everybody else out, our work tonight finished.
Chapter Twenty
Bellamy
“Thank you,” I say and take the package from the counter.
“Anytime. Thanks for comin’,” he says.
I give him a smile and exit the butcher’s shop, some nice filets in hand. Derek called me this morning before I even left for work and said he wanted to get together tonight. He sounded a little rattled and it worries me. He just didn’t sound like himself. There’s some small part of me, a little voice in the back of my mind whispering to myself that Derek doesn’t want to see me anymore. That for some reason, he’s done with me.
I try to push those thoughts away, not wanting to give such thoughts life in my mind. That will only lead me to overthink everything. I do enough of that, anyway, and I certainly don’t need to add a dose of paranoia and insecurity to the mix. But I don’t know why he sounded so strange, or why he seemed so insistent about seeing me tonight… or why it gives me such a sense of unease.
Not wanting to feed into my own anxiety, I decide to plan a nice evening for us. After I take care of my mom and get her settled in for the night, I figure that I’ll make a nice dinner for Derek and me. Filets in a garlic butter sauce, some baked potatoes, steamed asparagus, and a nice wine will be on the menu tonight. I just hope it’s not the last meal we share together. Irritated with myself for giving those thoughts oxygen again, I give my head a shake and press on.
After a stop at the wine shop, then the pastry shop, I’m loaded up with everything I need for tonight and heading for my car, looking down at my phone when a shadow falls over me. Startled, I snap my head up and find myself looking at Jacob, who’s giving me an awkward smile.
“Well, hey, fancy running into you,” he says with a small chuckle.
“Yeah, fancy that. How are you?” I reply.
He shrugs. “Fair to middlin’, I suppose. Just out here puttin’ in some job applications and stuff.”
“That’s good, Jacob. That’s really good.”
“Yeah, I figure I need to do somethin’. My luck ain’t gonna change if I sit around wallowin’ in my misery, right?”
I nod. “That’s right. I’m really glad you’re taking the bull by the horns like you are. That’s great, Jacob.”
“Well, talkin’ to you the other day is what helped it all come together in my head. Some of the things you said really made sense. Some of the things you said got through this thick skull of mine somehow,” he said, with a rueful chuckle.
“I’m really glad to hear that,” I reply.
I have no idea how anything I said got through to him since I didn’t actually say all that much. The near hour we spent together consisted of him doing most all of the talking. About himself and his problems. He obviously needs somebody to listen. Like I told Derek, he just kind of seems like a lonely guy who needs somebody to listen to him. Which is really sad. And it makes me feel bad.
But at the moment, I don’t have the time to stand here listening to his problems. Not if I want to get home and start getting everything ready for this evening. Plus, my mom’s nurse will be going home soon, and I want to get her all squared away before I start prepping dinner for Derek.
I glance at my watch pointedly, trying to be subtle about my need to get out of here. The last thing I want to do is hurt Jacob’s feelings, but I can’t afford to stand here and listen to him all night. It’s just not in me to be unkind. Ruby’s often said that’s one of my biggest shortcomings—always taking everybody else’s feelings into account over my own.
According to the Gospel of Ruby, sometimes people either can’t take a hint, or they purposely choose to ignore them, and so, you have no choice but to be blunt. Be abrupt. And sometimes, you have to be… rude. She says that you have to value yourself and your time since other people certainly won’t. And the only way to make them respect your time is by showing them that you’re not afraid to stand up for yourself and cut them off when needed. To never be afraid—or sorry for not letting them steamroll you—and reclaiming your time and your life from them.
That’s something I’ve never been good at. Ever. And as I stand here, listening to Jacob go on about his job hunt, his new attitude, and lease on life, all because I let him yammer on the other day, I am seeing the wisdom in Ruby’s words. Although, putting them into practical use is another matter altogether.
“Say, do you want to go over to the coffee house and grab a cup? Maybe talk a little bit more?” Jacob offers.
“I… I actually have plans tonight. I’m sorry.”
He frowns and his expression darkens. He looks down at the ground for a moment before looking back up at me as if something just occurred to him.
“I only meant as friends,” he offers. “I wasn’t meaning anything more than that.”
