Page 65 of Volt
I can’t recall when I’ve ever felt worse. And it’s not just from the hangover. The hole Fallon tore through my heart is still raw. I imagine it’s going to be for a long time.
“We’ve been trying to reach you,” Adam presses.
I look around at the virtually empty clubhouse then back to him. “We have, huh?”
“Yeah, we have.”
“I’m here now,” I say. “What did they ever do with Dex and Halo’s heads?”
“Not sure. I think since we don’t have the bodies, they took them to Leonard.”
“Damn. That’s rough.”
“Yeah, I prefer not to think about it. I think we all do,” he says. “So, what happened? Why do you look like shit warmed over?”
“Don’t want to talk about it.”
Adam sat back in his seat and stared at me. I can see his mind working and know it’s only a matter of time before he figures it out. Which means I should probably just make my exit. I’m really not in the mood to delve into my feelings. Before I can escape though, he starts to speak.
“Dude, I’m your best friend. If you can’t talk to me, then who can you talk to?” he says. “Honestly, I don’t care who you talk to. But you need to talk to somebody. You look like shit and you don’t smell much better. You’re on a downward spiral, so I’m begging you, if not me, talk to somebody. I’m worried about you, brother.”
“Yeah, you’re not the only one,” I mutter.
“Fallon,” he says firmly. “What happened?”
I sigh and take a drink of my coffee then set the mug down and stare into it as if it holds all the answers I’ve been looking for. He’s right. Adam is my best friend and if I can’t talk to him, then who can I talk to? Or do I even need to talk about this? At my age, having girl problems seems stupid.
And yet, I can’t get Fallon out of my head. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I drank, the image of Fallon sticks in my head like a splinter just beneath the surface of my skin and it’s driving me crazy.
“I’ve never cared about somebody the way I care about her, man,” I say softly. “I mean, I’ve never been in love or anything, but I think I’m in love with Fallon. I really think I am.”
I hadn’t meant to speak and wish I could take those words back the moment they crossed my lips. Adam looked mildly surprised, but he nodded, his expression turning to one of sympathy.
“So, tell me what happened,” he says.
I run a hand through my hair and tell him my story. Might as well since I already told him the crux of it. That’ll teach me to drink so much that I can’t seem to control that whole brain to mouth connection. Adam listened attentively, and when I was done, he sat back and whistled low.
“So, that’s pretty much it,” I tell him. “She doesn’t want to be with me unless I leave the club. She’s afraid that I’m going to get shot.”
Adam pointedly looks at my arm. “She’s got a point.”
I look at him, irritated. “And you know what a rare thing this is. It’s not like we’re out here runnin’ and gunnin’. We’re not like other crews out there,” I argue. “And once we’re done with Zavala, things will go back to normal again.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“She didn’t give me a chance,” I say miserably. “She threw me out of her place.”
“She loves you, but she’s scared, bro. I mean, surely you get that. Right?”
I take a drink of my coffee and nod. “Yeah, I get that. I understand she’s scared. All I’m saying is that ninety-nine percent of the time, the only thing she has to be scared of is somebody not paying attention and creaming me on my bike.”
“And I’m sure you told her that too, right?”
I sigh and look at him, annoyed. “How many times do I have to tell you she threw me out of her place before I could say anything?”
“Huh. Know what I’m hearing?”
“Tell me.”
