Page 42 of Archer
“Uhh.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Everything okay?”
She lowered her neck, so her hair shielded her eyes as she said, “Yeah.”
“No, it isn’t,” I said matter-of-factly, and she shot her head up, looking almost offended.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because, you’re smoking, Rose.” I rolled my eyes. “I know you well enough to know that’s fucking weird. What’s up?”
Her bottom lip quivered for a moment, and I nearly regretted prying when I realized I’d have to console a crying girl, something I was never great at. But she mustered up some strength by taking a deep breath, and it looked like the threat of tears passed. Taking one last drag off the smoke, she said barely above a whisper, “I’m so scared.”
My heart fell from the crack in her voice, a vulnerability in her I hadn’t seen before. Squeezing her eyes shut for a second, she shook her head to get out of it, but I didn’t want her to stop talking. As a way to ease her, I said, “Rose, we’re going to protect you. And your dad. You saw Crow today, that man is scary! Well, to everyone aside from you, apparently.” I was hoping she’d let a smile twitch from that, but her face remained grim and I felt a sense of hopelessness. Something was different about her; there wasn’t any fire left, completely burnt out. “What… what happened?”
“I’m so mad at my dad,” she said in a monotone voice that sounded drained and without a hint of malice, which made it even more real. “So mad. So mad at him for just… everything.”
“Wh-why, though?” I asked. “Like, I know the circumstances aren’t great, but what changed from earlier to now? What… What did Crow give you? What was in that box?”
She pressed her lips together, clenched her jaw together, looking at the bookshelf instead of me. “It was a locket. My mom’s. There were photos of her holding me as a baby. I’d never seen it before in my life.”
I looked at her with my brows furrowed, trying to understand the significance of the locket. “Is that bad?”
“I think so…” she said, breathing deeply and slumping her shoulders over. “I think he’s saying goodbye. Obviously, that locket was something very, very cherished to him. He didn’t even showmeit was so special. And he drops it off with some guy without even a note or explanation…”
“Fuck…” I rubbed the back of my neck, unsure of what to do or say. My heartbeat beginning to race, I decided to join her by picking up my own cigarette and pressing it to my lips.
“I’m so frustrated,” she said in the same flat voice. “I have no idea what the truth is about anything. I don’t even know how she died, my mom.”
“Really?” I asked. “Didn’t he say she fell on ice or something?”
“Yeah, that’s what hesays,” she said bitterly. “But how am I supposed to trust anything he says? People don’t act the way he acts because of an accident. My whole life, he’s been sheltering me. And like… at first, when I was young, yeah, it made sense. I was a kid. But… I’m an adult, and he’s still keeping everything from me. Like I can’t handle it. I haven’t experiencedanything.And is this supposed to help me?” She asked, but I knew it was rhetorical. “Because now I’m twenty-one, haven’t experienced a damn thing, and I’m still going to wind up dead.”
“Rose, no, you’re not,” I said firmly with a passion behind my voice. “I won’t let that happen. Trust me. Please.”
She bit her tongue and looked away from me, and I knew she didn’t believe me, but I couldn’t blame her. How could any words ever comfort someone in such a fearful situation?
“I’ve never had control over my life,” she said. “I’ve never known what it felt like to make decisions for myself. I’ve always just been told by my dad that everything he does is to keep me safe. But… it hasn’t. I think after a point, it wasn’t about keeping me safe. It was about making himfeelsafe. I never even got to go to college, high school. My life is a waste. I hardly even existed.”
“Hey.” I set the cigarette onto the ashtray and stepped off the stool. For the first time, I decided to breach her personal boundaries and placed my palm on her shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. “You exist. I don’t even know how to argue that because you’re so…”
I didn’t know what words I wanted to say as I looked down into her eyes, wanting to relieve all the doubts inside them. I had dozens of words to describe how much of an impact she’s had on people, from baking fresh bread to always being cheerful and brightening everyone’s moods as they walked through the door. There were countless ways to describe how remarkable was that she could bring out a side in people that was never seen before. Especially in me.
“You’re so important, Rose,” I said. “And everything you didn’t experience… has… kind of been an experience.”
She laughed, giving a slight smile, but it was sarcastic. “Okay, Archer.”
“I’m serious,” I said. “It’s made you this… really, really unique girl.” My other hand unconsciously stroked her hair, as my eyes lowered to her lips, just as her gaze lowered to mine. “You’re so funny. And weird. And you’re like… you’ve so much life and spirit in you that hasn’t been dragged down yet. It’s so refreshing. Whatever you did or didn’t experience growing up, I still think you turned out… exactly as you should. You’re Rose.”
I didn’t know what I just said. Practically holding her in my arms, I said one of the nicest things I’d ever said to anyone. The anger and frustration were wiped from her mind and instead they were filled with something else. I had no idea what it was, but it had an intensity to it as her gaze slipped repeatedly between my eyes and lips. Underneath my hand, I could feel her shoulder warm and my heart pounded.
I’d never wanted to kiss someone so bad before.
Right as I was convincing myself to just go for it, she pulled away from my hands, took her final drag off the smoke, and pressed it into the ashtray. “Um, thanks, Archer.” My stomach sunk. “But I’m going to go to bed, I think. Um, enjoy your book.”
Trying not to show any disappointment, I forced a closed-lipped smile on my face. “No problem. See you tomorrow.”
As she turned down the hallway to her bedroom, I felt like I was entering a dangerous territory. There was no denying my investment into the situation, but the possibility of there being a happy ending seemed more unlikely by the day. My mind felt exhausted when I considered the rollercoaster we’d been on since she arrived a few weeks earlier.
Leaving my book on the counter, I moved to the couch and flopped on my back. I grabbed my head between my hands and squeezed my eyes shut, remembering how I expected the time to go and how it’s now going so opposite. But it was so much better, the way it turned out. Except… there was the reality I didn’t consider when I offered to help Rose. I didn’t consider what would happen if Ron failed and the worst happened to him.
