Page 13 of Crow
I paused, frowning slightly. I hadn’t thought of that. Honestly, I hadn’t really thought of anything. I had just seen her walking and knew I had to talk to her. It was like something was drawing me back to her again and again. I couldn't remember the last time I’d felt such aneedto be close to someone. I debated for a second if I wanted to go to a bar and risk being seen by any of the Rebels and quickly came to the conclusion that I did not. I didn’t need them asking questions about why I was with the stripper from Archer’s bachelor party or why I wasn’t wearing my cuts. The Rebels hadn’t really seen me fumble or seem uncertain before, and I wasn’t going to let that start now. All the shops that sold alcohol were either closed or would be closed by the time we got there, which left one option.
“I have alcohol at my place,” I said gruffly, not looking at her. If I didn’t look at her, then this wasn’t such a big deal, and the fear of rejection wouldn’t be so strong. So what if this was the first time I’d invited a woman to my house since Jeannie?
“Oh,” she said quietly. “Um.”
“Or not,” I said as my stomach plummeted and my hands clenched into fists at my sides. I felt fucking ridiculous. Of course she didn’t want to go to a virtual stranger’s house and put herself in a vulnerable position, especially when she was already on edge. Creepy fuckers at her job probably asked her to their houses all the time, and now she was going to think I was the same as them. My shoulders slumped. “Forget I asked.”
“No!” She darted forward, placing her hand on my arm. I finally looked down at her, and she smiled hesitantly. “I don’t want to forget it. Let’s go, where’s your bike?”
I huffed, fighting back a smile. “My bike’s at home,” I told her, and she pursed her lips in confusion.
“How come? I thought you biker types were almost inseparable from your rides. Or are you like, not that into the lifestyle part of it?”
I looked at her from the corner of my eyes, suppressing a smile at the innocence of the question. She was looking forward, arms swinging slightly at her sides. Obviously, I couldn’t tell her the whole truth, that I was trying to figure out where the Freeway Kings’ base of operations was and that it would be a lot harder if I did so while broadcasting that I was from their rival gang.
“Just felt like walking tonight. That a problem?” I said instead. She wasn’t the only one who could keep secrets. I was desperately trying to hold onto some sort of boundary between me and her, but at the same time I wanted to tell her everything. It was so confusing. I had spent so long closed off from everyone around me, and now this stripper that I barely knew was breaking down all my walls faster than I could rebuild them.
“No, it’s fair enough.” Jade shrugged then winced a little. The expression quickly smoothed out; if I hadn’t already been watching her, the movement would have been impossible to catch. She hid her pain well.Must be used to it,I thought, and that made me furious. I clenched my fists at my sides as I looked her over, trying to find any obvious injuries. There weren’t any, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t in pain.
“It’s not too much farther.” I found myself reassuring her through a clenched jaw. “Just a couple more blocks.” I lived close to the border between Rebel and Freeway territories, but looking at Jade as we walked made me worry if even that was too far. I decided that if she showed another sign that she was in pain, I was going to fucking carry her the rest of the way.
Jade lit a cigarette as she walked, then offered me the half-empty pack. I took one, leaning down to use the lighter she was holding out for me, and for a few moments, we walked in comfortable silence. The smoke was a pleasantly familiar burn in my lungs, and I found myself smiling. Then I wondered what the fuck I was doing. Hadn’t I just been snapping at everyone else for being distracted? And now here I was, abandoning everything to drink with a woman I had only spoken to twice. I chanced another glance at Jade and found her already looking at me. Embarrassed at being caught, I huffed and turned away, pretending not to hear her chuckle. It was a nice sound, soft and throaty.
It was only a couple of seconds before I looked at her again. I couldn’t help myself. I could lie and pretend that it was just the fact that she looked sexy, but she wasn’t in her stripper getup. She was dressed casually in jeans and a tight-fitting crop top with some logo across the chest. I tilted my head, considering. It wasn’t as revealing as her stripper outfit, but it was still a fucking good look on her.
There was a slight hill right before my street, and I saw her wince again halfway up. I stepped closer to her, fully intending to pick her up so she stopped aggravating whatever was hurting her. But when she saw my hand reach for her, she flinched back. I stepped away immediately, making sure she could see my hands held open at my shoulders, showing that I was no threat as I eyed her warily.
“What are you doing? Stop that, you look fucking stupid,” she told me, huffing a little half laugh, but it didn’t sound the same as her other laughs and she kept herself at a distance.
“Right,” I said slowly, lowering my hands and watching her eyes track the movement. When she caught me looking, she turned her head away, biting her lip. I had to rethink all the glances from before. They weren’t flirty, they were wary. She was nervous, and I wasn’t sure what to do to fix it. I wondered what had happened to make her nervous; she hadn’t had any problems being near me the last time we met. I clenched my fists as a hot flare of anger at whoever had scared her rushed through me. But I saw her tense from the corner of my eye and made an effort to relax again.
We spent the rest of the short walk to my house in silence. I wondered if maybe this was a bad idea, if I should just tell her I’d changed my mind and that she didn’t have to come drink alone in the house of a man she barely knew. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and the more I thought about her in my space the more nervous I became, stomach twisting. I had just opened my mouth to say that when I realized it was too late. We had turned onto my driveway. I closed my mouth again, ignoring the weird look she sent me, and dug my keys out of my pocket.
Once inside, I quickly made my way through the house to the kitchen, grabbing two beers out of the fridge. I realized that I had been holding my breath since I had opened the front door and took a moment to breathe deeply and relax the tension in my shoulders. When I turned around, Jade was in the sitting room, holding the picture of me and Jeannie in her hands.
“She was pretty,” she said when she noticed I was there.
“She was,” I agreed, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat. I hurried over, setting the beer bottles down on the coffee table to take the photo from Jade. I rubbed my thumb over the image of Jeannie’s smiling face as I carried it into the kitchen to put it away in one of the drawers. Something about seeing Jade holding the photo had unsettled my stomach, and when I returned to the sitting room, I drained half the beer in one go, hoping to settle it. Jade seemed to understand and did the same.
I cleared my throat awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what to do, not used to having somebody else in my home. I was pretty sure the last visitor I’d had was Ripper, way back when he was checking I hadn’t drunk myself to death and trying to recruit me for the Rebels. There certainly hadn’t ever been a woman here. I shuffled my feet, feeling out of place in my own home. Once again, I cursed myself for not thinking things through before bringing Jade here. She seemed a little more at ease though, the alcohol making her braver. There was less tension in her shoulders. She walked slowly about the living room, looking at everything, pausing to run her fingers over surfaces.
I watched her, refusing to admit the anxious twisting of my gut, and continued to drink. I knew I should probably say something, but I couldn’t think of the words. My skin was itchy and hot, and my feet were restless. The more relaxed and curious Jade seemed, sipping leisurely from her beer as she inspected the place, the tenser I became, until finally she was done.
“Hey,” she said, falling onto my couch and waving her empty beer bottle at me. “Refill?”
Relieved at having something to do, I quickly turned and grabbed another round from the fridge, realizing that between the two of us, they would disappear quickly. By the time I returned, Jade had found the remote to my beat-up TV and put on some crappy movie.
“Look, he’s about to make some sappy speech to confess hisfeelings.” She cackled, pointing at the screen, which was showing a close up of some actor’s face as he teared up. “Come sit down and make fun of it with me.”
“Fuck yes,” I said, feeling myself relax. The couch creaked as I dropped down next to her, and she shifted slightly to make more room. We clinked our fresh beer bottles together in silent cheers, and then Jade booed loudly as the woman on the screen began making out with the man, apparently forgiving him for everything he had done in the movie up until this point.
The next couple of hours were spent ruthlessly mocking made-for-TV romcoms and thoroughly ensuring I had no alcohol left in the house. With each drink, the nervousness seemed to drain out of Jade until she was the sarcastic, quick-witted woman I remembered.
“How many of these completely unique and quirky love confessions do you think will involve flash mobs?” she asked, giggling. The dimple in her left cheek was more prominent, and it made my mouth dry. I took another long drink to fix it.
“My bet’s on three,” I said.
“Pfft. Amateur. It’s gonna be at least five,” she said.
