Page 16 of Crow
“Goddamn right I won’t,” she said. “Because you are gonna stop hangin’ around this friend, start takin’ your shifts properly again, and give Ray the biggest goo-goo eyes and best blowjob of your life so that we can all just forget this little blip and move on with our lives, okay?”
“But—”
“Okay?” she said louder, looking at me warningly. I sighed. My phone vibrated again.
“Okay.”
“Good. This conversation never happened.” Jess nodded, the situation settled, and opened the cafe’s menu. “I think I’m feelin’ a fruit pastry, what about you? They’ve got carrot cake.”
I smiled at her, watching her debate between apple turnovers and a slice of cherry pie, as casual as if we hadn’t just been having a pseudo-argument. I felt silly, thinking she would snitch. Jess was one of the best things that had ever happened to me.
“Jade!” she called, eyebrows raised.
“Hmmm?”
“You seriously need to start payin’ attention.” She sighed, eyes twinkling good naturedly. “I said I was goin’ for the turnover, did you want anythin’?”
“The cake sounds great,” I said, my smile widening.
***
A couple of days later, I was walking out of Tease, waving goodbye to all the other girls. I had been careful to concentrate the whole shift, engaging with clients and being on time for all my dances. Cameron had even pulled me aside on my break to praise my newfound dedication. I smiled and thanked him, and when the shift was finally over, I told Jess that Cameron wanted to speak to me about a routine change. As soon as she and the other girls were out of sight, I started walking, headed toward Crow’s house and quickly typing out a message telling him that I was on my way.
I knew I shouldn’t. I knew Jess was right and that I should turn around and go home to Ray. But I couldn’t help it. Crow was interesting. I couldn’t stop thinking about the picture of him and his wife. He looked so different from how he was now, and so happy. I want him to look happy again. Which was fine, it didn’t mean anything. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It was normal for friends to want friends to be happy. And to find them ridiculously attractive. After all, I thought Jess was hot, and I wanted her to be happy more than anything. It was no different with Crow.
Except that his smile had been so soft that night on the couch, and my stomach still fluttered when I remembered him telling me I had a nice laugh. Ray always said I sounded like I was choking on rocks, that he liked it better when I sucked him off so that he wouldn’t have to hear me for a while.
While waiting for Crow to open his front door, I thought I could feel someone watching me, but I couldn’t see anyone when I checked over my shoulder. It wasn’t the first time I thought someone was following me only for no one to be there. I chewed my lip nervously. It was probably the anxiety of Ray finding out, just some paranoia, that’s all. It was fine. I shook myself a little and pushed the idea of being followed out of my head, focusing instead on thinking about what Crow and I would be talking about tonight. Comparing childhood stories, or trashing poor plotlines in shitty romcoms? Spiders versus crickets? Whether King Kong or that massive red ground Pokémon would win in a fight?
Scratch that last one. The Pokémon would kick King Kong’s big monkey butt, no debate necessary.
Crow’s heavy footfalls sounded on the other side of the door, followed by the clinking of the locks, and I tucked my hair behind my ears, straightening from my slouch just in time for it to swing open. As always, he was looking hot in a well-worn shirt with the remnants of a band logo and some oil-stained jeans. He looked me up and down with a smirk before stepping aside to let me in, and I found myself posing slightly for him, presenting the best version of myself. Guilt swirled in my belly, but it was fine. There was nothing wrong with wanting to look my best.It’s fine.
“What are we doing tonight?” I asked, toeing off my heels and placing them neatly at the bottom of the stairs, next to his haphazardly thrown boots.
“The Hallmark channel’s having a marathon,” he replied, tossing me one of his T-shirts that was slung over the bannister as he went to fetch us beer.
“Awesome.” Trashing movies it was. I pulled the shirt over my head, pausing to breathe in the scent of cigarette smoke and sandalwood. It was huge, hanging to my knees and completely covering the shorts and crop top I had worn to work. Crow giving me his shirts to wear when we hung out was a new thing, which had started the other day when he noticed I was covered in goosebumps as we argued about whether the actress should really have gone for her love interest in the film we were watching. Already, I wasn’t sure if I could survive without it.
I sunk onto the couch, feeling it sag beneath my weight as I tucked my feet under myself. Crow returned, two beer bottles in his hand, having changed into gray sweatpants clinging to his thighs, and an old threadbare T-shirt stretched tight across his chest and shoulders. My gaze followed him as he moved across the room, which was much tidier than the first time I had visited. There weren’t any clothes on the floor, for one thing, and far fewer empty beer bottles lying around.
I accepted the beer he passed to me, and we watched the first movie with his arm resting along the back of the couch. The entire time, I was extremely aware of how if I shifted even a little his arm would be around my shoulders. When I breathed in, I could feel it brushing against the back of my neck, and it sent shivers across my skin. That was wrong, right? I shouldn’t be letting this happen. Jess would be so mad if she found out I ignored her. And I couldn’t let Crow put his arm around me. I was with Ray! He’d be so upset, he would kill me.
“You’ve been quiet,” Crow said.
“Huh? No, I haven’t.” My voice was too high, too quick. He gave me a weird look but let it go, turning back to the movie. I began to fidget. The inside of my skin felt itchy. I was breathing too loudly, and I tried to regulate it but each breath ended up being too deep instead. I began to pick at the skin around my nails, curling and uncurling my toes.
“Seriously, are you all right?” Crow said eventually, muting the film.
“Yeah. I just. Need the bathroom. Um. Excuse me.” I got up and hurried out of the room. When I got to the bathroom, I dug a plastic baggie out of my pocket, tapping a line out on the edge of the sink. I didn’t usually do drugs at Crow’s house. It felt wrong, but I was desperate. Something in Ray’s new stuff was more potent than before, but it also wore off quicker. That and the guilt had my skin crawling with the need for a fix.
I snorted the coke up as quickly as possible, tossing the baggie into the trash and rubbing under my nose as I walked back to the sitting room. I already felt less on edge. Crow looked up from the TV.
“You didn’t miss much, just her proving she ‘isn’t like other girls’ because she knows how to fix a car,” he said. “And I know I’ve said it before, but seriously, if you ever tell anyone I like these fucking movies, I will…” He trailed off, frowning at me. I frowned back.
“What?”
“The fuck? You do coke?” He stared at me, a mixture of shock and disgust on his face. My stomach dropped to my feet, and I immediately rose to the defensive.
