Page 28 of Crow
Dawn was just starting to bleed into the sky when I finally gave up on getting more sleep. Ray had crawled into bed with me at some point during the night, and he was drooling into the pillow as I carefully, quietly got out of bed. I didn’t even want to think about the consequences of waking him, especially after last night’s shit show.
I slipped out of the room and crept down the stairs, gagging as I realized that the bodies were just stacked in a corner of the living room. They weren’t even covered by a sheet or something. I wasn’t sure what the Freeways usually did with their dead. All these years, and I’d never thought to ask about it. Had a shootout like this happened in our home before? Had I been too drugged up to care that I was surrounded by the corpses of people I’d known, that I’d liked? That thought was so unnerving. I looked at the girls sleeping peacefully on the couch and floor now, and the idea that I had ever been one of them was suddenly repulsive. Some of them were lying so close to the dead bodies they were almost touching them, with the minute rise and fall of sleeping chests breathing shallowly being the only difference between the two. Bile burned the back of my throat. They all looked too calm for the aftermath of a fight.
Images of guns and shouting flashed through my mind, too quick for me to fully process the memories, but I felt the fear as though it was really happening again right in front of me. I couldn’t look away from one of the girls in the pile of dead, couldn’t stop thinking about how easily that could have been me. Ray might not have used me as a human shield like Lab Rat throwing people in front of him as he ran, but he hadn’t let me go, either. Certainly hadn’t insisted I find somewhere safe to hide, like Breaker had with Jess. A single stray bullet, Crow not noticing I was there until it was too late… countless things could have changed the way last night went and placed me among the bodies piled carelessly against the wall.
My chest tight, I finally managed to tear my eyes away from the bodies to see the bullet holes in the walls. I laughed a little to myself as I realized that I couldn’t tell which ones were made last night, and which ones had been there for a while simply because of Freeway carelessness and Ray’s bad temper. I made a mental note to pick up more wall filler the next time I was out so that I could fix up the walls a bit, then paused. I realized that I hadn’t argued about having to be the one cleaning up Ray’s mess in a very long time. I had learned quickly how bad the consequences of disagreeing with Ray were and tried my best to avoid it. I remembered the anger that so often filled Ray’s face, hardening his features, and how only a few weeks ago, I would have just accepted it. I would have thought that this was the best I was going to get, the result of the shitty hand life had dealt me.
But now? Now Crow had flung himself into my life, and I felt like me again. It felt like I had my old fire, my old confidence back from before Ray had stomped me out, and I thought that maybe… maybe Ray was wrong. Maybe I stood a chance without him after all.
That maybe Crow was right, and there was more for me out there.
I wondered if Ray had always been like this. I thought he had been kinder, once, near the beginning. Trying to remember that far back felt like trying to walk through knee-deep wet cement. My memories were blurred and hazy, distorted by time and drugs so that I couldn’t be sure if what I remembered was true. I decided that it didn’t matter. I knew what was happening now. I felt used by Ray. Like I was nothing more than a fuck-toy. And I had convinced myself I was okay with this, until Crow’s voice forced its way into my head and told me I was worth more than this. That I was better than this. And maybe I was. But I sure as fuck wasn’t going to find that out if I stayed here and let Ray continue to bully me.
But where would I go? This had been my home for years. I had nowhere else. Memories of evenings spent on Crow’s couch, comfortable and happy, filled my head and brought a smile to my face almost without me realizing. I could go there. Except that bridge had burned. Even on the slight chance that he would forgive me for fucking with his head for so long, he definitely wasn’t going forget the sight of me in Ray’s lap. Ray was the one who threatened the Rebels, Crow’s new family, the one he built himself after his old life crumbled around him. Now that Crow knew I was associated with the Freeways, he wouldn’t want me. He’d be furious with me.
Except, even when he was angry with me, he was gentle, carelessly careful with the way he treated me. And he had called off the fight last night after seeing me, so a small piece of hope whispered that maybe he had called it offbecauseof me. So maybe it was worth a shot?
Except I didn’t even know if he was home. Fuck, I didn’t even know if he wasalive. I scoured through the memories of last night but everything happened so quickly, and was so chaotic, that though I thought he walked out by himself I couldn’t be certain. I bit my lip, braiding and re-braiding my hair to keep my hands occupied as worry squeezed the breath from my lungs.
A floorboard creaked above my head. I froze, pulse pounding in my ears, and waited to see if someone was coming downstairs. Faintly, I heard Jess’s voice, though I couldn’t make out the words. I glanced at the front door. This was my last chance. I knew that if she caught me, Jess would try and stop me. My breathing was loud in my ears.
Ray was the devil I knew.
Crow treated me like an equal.
Jess would be so upset.
Crow acted like he cared.
Another floorboard creaked.
Fuck it.
I darted out of the house and ran down the street, and I didn’t stop running until I was on Crow’s doorstep.
Chapter Fifteen
Crow
I was woken the morning after the failed raid on the Freeways by someone hammering on my front door. I dragged myself out of bed, eyes bleary, and stumbled downstairs to unlock the door and yank it open. I stared, blinking hard a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. Jade was standing on my doorstep, her fingers knotting together anxiously.
“The fuck are you doing here?” I asked, unable to believe the balls this woman had. A part of me was impressed, and a little turned on. It was her boldness that had drawn me to her in the first place after all. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, she wasn’t wearing makeup, and she was dressed in a simple sweater falling off one shoulder and loose jeans. It hit me suddenly that this was the first time I’d seen her wearing something casual and comfortable that wasn’t paired with something provocative. She looked smaller, more vulnerable than I could ever remember her being. I hated how despite everything she had done, I still wanted to be close to her, but something about her stance made me worried that she would slip between my fingers if I tried.
“Can I come in?” she asked quietly. I stood aside wordlessly, and she nodded as she walked past me into the living room. I could smell the apple scent of her shampoo. I let the front door swing closed and followed her, still not wholly convinced I wasn’t dreaming. I pinched myself as I watched her settle into her usual spot on the couch, unable to decide if I wanted her to really be here or not. My arm stung where I pinched it, so this was real. I stared at her, and she shifted nervously on the couch, not meeting my eyes.
“I snuck out of the house while Ray was sleeping,” she said quietly. “I had to see you again. Last night, you in your Blazing Rebel cuts… It was like a nightmare come to life. I had hoped so much that you weren’t one of them.”
I scoffed, turning away from her. She was unbelievable. This had to be some kind of sick fucking joke. I half expected to see cameras when I looked around, or for someone to jump out and yell “Gotcha!” When nobody did, I sighed and closed my eyes for a second. It was too early for this shit.
“I’m just… going to go to the kitchen for a moment,” I said, my voice tight. I walked toward my fridge on autopilot, thinking maybe I would grab something easy for breakfast, or just some alcohol to make this conversation more bearable. When I opened the fridge, however, nothing looked good. I took a moment to just stand there, tired eyes burning in the harsh light from the fridge, and breathe deeply to calm myself. Nothing good would happen if I lost my temper. The fridge began to beep at me, complaining about being held open so long, so with a final sigh I closed it again and returned to the sitting room empty-handed.
Jade looked up as I walked in. Her lower lip was red and swollen, like she had been nervously chewing on it.Or like she had been kissing someone,my mind suggested unhelpfully.Or even something dirtier.I remembered how she had looked, flushed with swollen lips after going down on my cock. I pushed the thought away angrily, glaring at her as I crossed my arms to make a barrier between us.
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why she was here. The joke should have been over now that I knew she was a Freeway whore. And if she really hadn’t known I was a Rebel before, which was unlikely, then she definitely did now. That meant she also knew how angry Ray would be if he found out she was talking to me behind his back. I had heard stories of what happened when the Freeway president lost his temper: it wasn’t pretty. It did explain all those times she had acted weird though, if he had hurt her. I found myself scanning her for any obvious injuries, and hated the relief I felt when I didn’t find any.
I wanted her to leave. I wanted all the complicated feelings she brought out in me to go away. But at the same time, I wanted to know what kept drawing her here. If it wasn’t a joke, if she meant what she said… I needed to know.
She fidgeted under the weight of my stare, looking hopefully between me and the empty seat on the couch next to her. I wanted to sit next to her, breathe in the scent of her apple shampoo, but I also needed to keep enough room between us so that I didn’t lose my focus. Instead of taking my usual spot on the couch, I leaned against the wall across from her.
