Page 35 of Crow
“Fuck, Crow, what did you do?”
“What didn’t I do?” I laughed humorlessly. “Talked to her, fucked her, fell in…likedher.” I couldn’t meet his eyes as Ripper gave me an exasperated look.
“Ray’s girl?” he asked. “You got cozy with the fuckingleader of the Freeways’ girl? She could’ve been telling him stuff about us, spying on us!”
“You think I don’t know that?” I cried. “I didn’t know who she was until the fucking raid, and by then I’d already sworn not to see her again.”
“Why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’?” Ripper sighed, rubbing his forehead.
“She came to me, afterwards,” I said quietly, shoulders slumping. I drained the last of my beer. “Said she was… fuck, she said she was going to leave him. For me.”
“Jesus.” Ripper looked away from me, covering his mouth with his hand.
“I know.” I dug a cigarette out of the pocket of my cuts, lighting it and taking a deep drag. “Fuck, I know.”
“And?” he asked.
“She was meant to come back tonight, to stay, and she didn’t.” I took another drag from the cigarette. “And I should have known better, because she’s not exactly reliable.”
“No?”
“Ray feeds her some of his stash. Those crappy drugs the Freeways peddle.”
“Crow!” Ripper slammed his beer bottle onto the table. “The fuck were you thinking, man?”
“I wasn’t. I just… I really liked her, man.” I sighed. “She was bold, fun, interesting. I liked spending time with her.”
“Of course, the first girl you’ve paid attention to ever is a fucking…” Ripper trailed off and sighed. He reached out and clapped me on the shoulder. “Tough break, brother.”
“What am I going to do, Rip?” I asked, taking the final drag from my cigarette. It burned in my lungs.
“Move on, man. You have feelings now, just have them for someone else.”
“What if I can’t?”
“Try.”
“Right.” I dropped the cigarette butt into my empty beer bottle. Ripper smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes, and got two more beers from the fridge. He set one down in front of me and twisted the top off his.
“I’m sorry, Crow.”
“I know.”
I opened my own beer, and as Ripper sat back down at the table, he reached across to tap his bottle against mine. We drank in silence, and then Ripper left, but I stayed awake and smoking and drinking until dawn bled into the sky.
Chapter Twenty
Jade
I sat in the corner of the room, trembling. My stomach growled. I knew I hadn’t been locked in here more than a single day; night had only fallen once. Crow had been expecting me. He would be so hurt that I didn’t show up. He’d only just begun to open up. I hoped this didn’t cause him to throw up all those walls again.
The walls at my back were cold. But also hot. They wavered like they were part of a mirage. But mirages usually showed you water, didn’t they? I’d like some water. I was thirsty. And a burger would be nice, if I was getting a drink. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday.
Yesterday had been when Crow had looked at me with adoration and told me his actual name. It was like a promise, a promise to be more than just a biker with me, to be real. Real was so hard to find these days. Things kept slipping through my fingers like mist or smoke.
Crow—Michael—smelled of smoke. Rich smoke from the expensive cigarettes he smoked when he was stressed. He’d told me that Tank had them imported and that they sold most of them on. He only kept a couple of boxes for his own personal stash. He hadn’t smoked one yesterday though. He had been calm and so soft. Soft like blankets, and feathers falling from the sky. It felt like the sky should be full of clouds, rain pouring down in sheets, but whenever I managed to look at the window, the sun’s rays were beaming down. It seemed wrong. It was too cheerful for what was happening.
I always thought rays were meant to be warm and light. But I don’t think my Ray had ever brought me anything but darkness. He had been an oily shadow clinging to my ankles since I arrived in Mascid, polluting everything he touched. And Crow, Crow was the opposite. His black attitude had the same color hidden inside that crow feathers did. Like when he laughed so hard he snorted or looked at me with those soft blue eyes when he didn’t think I was paying attention.
