Page 90 of House of Payne
I feel guilty for my role in this, but not guilty enough to let her out of her contract.
Now that I’ve had a taste of London, now that I know what it feels like to be inside of her, I can’t turn back.
I won’t.
No matter how messy it’s making things for me.
London will just have to get over how she feels, and I know how to help her.
You’re not even going to give her a beat to process everything? She lost her father and boyfriend in one fell swoop. You could at least show some compassion.
I scoff at the idea and inch away from her.
Inviting London to dinner was as close as she was going to get to a display of emotion. I don’t wine and dine the women I sleep with, and London won’t be the exception, no matter how vulnerable or hurt she is.
Last night was a glimpse of what things could be like, and I know that in time, she will give in to me completely, and I’ll erase all traces of Noah from her mind for good. Last night, when I was on top of her, I saw themoment the switch flipped.
The way she let go and enjoyed herself was addicting, intoxicating in a way I couldn’t have imagined.
I want to see it again and again.
I want many more nights of her with her head thrown back and her lips parted in pleasure.
I want her on top of me, under me, and everything between.
London sighs in her sleep, and I curl my hands into fists. Slowly and reluctantly, I force myself out of bed and twist to face her. Despite my better judgment, I stand there for a while longer, studying the even rise and fall of her chest, and the way her long lashes frame her face.
She doesn’t belong in my world, but it doesn’t make me want her any less.
I know I should ease her into the darkness, but I can’t stop myself.
Seeing her face last night cemented what I’ve known for a while.
London wants me almost as much as I want her, and after spending so long fighting it, I knew all she needed was the right push.
I should thank Noah and her dad for making it so easy for me.
I also want to hunt them down and bring them to their knees to apologize.
What the fuck? Get a grip, Payne. You’re not her boyfriend, remember? One night together, and you’re already acting out of character. What is the matter with you?
When she makes another noise and flips onto her side, I suddenly see myself as a younger boy, standing at the foot of my mother’s bed, waiting for her to wake up.
What is it about London that reminds me of my late mother?
Is it her goodness, or the fact that she’s willing to fight for the people she loves?
Something tells me she won’t give up on her father despite the difficult situation he’s put her in, and it makes me want her that much more.
Her fire and spirit are the reasons I wanted her in my bed, but it’s the vulnerability on her face that makes me reluctant to wake her.
London is the first woman who has ever slept here.
I’ve never seen anyone look so sad and so beautiful, and I don’t like the memories it conjures.
My frown deepens as I force myself out of the room and down the hall to mine. There, I let the door click shut and step into the adjoining bathroom. While I wait for the water to heat up, I try not to let my thoughts drift to my mother.
Now and again, I wonder what she would think if she were still alive, and whether or not she’d be proud of me.
