Page 129 of House of Payne
Have I built him up to be a misunderstood monster just so I don’t have to examine my role in all this?
Miss Deveroux leans back and takes a long drink, her eyes never leaving my face. “Are you staying because of Mr. Payne or because of the contract?”
“I know you told me to be careful and that there’s nothing there worth saving, but there is something there. I’ve seen it.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I wonder if I’m grasping at straws.
Miss Deveroux mutters something under her breath.
I reach for my drink and curl my fingers around the mug, letting the steam rise to warm the bridge of my nose. “I know it sounds like I’m one of those girls who stick around when the man is bad because they tell themselves he can change.”
Miss Deveroux shrugs.
“It’s not like that,” I maintain. “And, yeah, I also know what that sounds like, but he’s different with me.”
I’ve seen snippets of the man lurking beneath, and I can’t turn away.
How do you think this is going to pan out? You’ll honor the contract and hope you change Mason in the meantime? Come on, don’t be naïve.
I lie awake at night, imagining him in bed next to me, his long and capable fingers doing all sorts of things to me, and when I close my eyes, I see his mouth on mine.
I want what he has to offer.
My problem is that no matter how many people tell me I shouldn’t, I also want more.
I’m an idiot.
As if getting involved with a guy like Mason isn’t bad enough, why does my heart have to get involved?
Because you don’t know how to do things halfway, and you definitely don’t know how to keep your feelings out of things.
“I know that look,” Miss Deveroux says. “It’s what I was afraid of when I first saw you. London, you need to be careful. Not just because I don’t think Mason can change. I don’t think he wants to.”
“What if he does, and he just doesn’t know how? Or what if he wants to, but he thinks he can’t?”
Miss Deveroux sighs. “London…”
“I know. I know what you’re going to say, but I am not wasting my time. There is something there…”
We both know I’m probably wrong.
Mason didn’t get to where he is without cutting down people in his way.
Pretending otherwise is insane.
I can’t even begin to imagine what it takes to build an empire like the Payne one, and the more I think about it, the less I want to know.
What good will it do me?
Miss Deveroux’s eyes stay on my face as she sips her tea. “I can see you’ve made up your mind. Just remember that it’s not just your life that’s going to be impacted. Whatever you decide will have a ripple effect.”
Without Noah around to mitigate the damage, there’s no telling how it’ll affect my father.
I go to sleep every night with my father’s words in my head, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon him to his fate.
Noah can walk away, but my father is as much a part of this as I am.
So long as I stay on Mason’s good side, I know he’ll spare my father.
