Page 76 of House of Payne
As soon as we hang up, I send Noah a message and throw myself onto the bed. As I lay there, staring at the ceiling with my heart hammering, I let my mind wander.
I always assumed I’d end up with someone like Noah. Someone reliable, dependable, and familiar.
Noah is sweet, kind, and considerate: all the things I should want.
But lately, I wonder if I’ve just convinced myself that I should want someone like him.
I can’t deny the draw of someone powerful like Mason.
A man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to let the world know.
Imagine what it would be like to be with someone like that. Someone single-minded and unapologetic. Someone who will consume you.
I drift off to sleep to thoughts of Mason, the kernel of doubt in my heart growing stronger.
Chapter Eighteen
London
“You can do this,” I whisper to myself. “It’s already been two and a half months. You’ll get there in no time.”
Except I haven’t even served half my sentence, and I’m already done.
I’m done waking up every morning, staring at the ceiling, and wondering why I willingly walked into Mason’s trap.
I’m done spending most of my waking hours fending off creeps.
And I’m done lying to Noah and my dad about the new reality of my life.
I want to rewind to the moment I signed the contract and shake some sense into myself.
I’m tired of wandering around the club like a ghost, always on edge and afraid of the parts of myself that respond to the place.
What’s the matter with me?
I’m here to work off a debt, not unlock a depraved part of myself that has no business being there. I have no right to keep reliving the scene at the library, imagining Mason’s hands instead of mine.
I don’t know how he got inside my head, but I refuse to let him stay there.
I’ll figure out a way to silence that voice for good because I know it won’t do me any good.
If you could only go back in time and stop your dad from taking out this loan to begin with, you wouldn’t be in this mess.
Would losing the diner really be that bad?
Could I look my father in the eye if we did?
Given how much time, money, and energy has gone into the place, it’s hard to imagine giving up so easily, but I also can’t ignore that it would be the better option for everyone involved. My dad has spent the past ten years dedicating himself to the place. It’s cost him his health, his marriage, and I suspect, a bit of his sanity.
I walked away from a college degree to help.
We’re both so invested that the thought of giving up doesn’t sit well with me, but I let my mind wander.
Would Mason let me out of my contract if he had the diner, or would I still have to honor it?
I don’t want to be the reason the diner is ripped away from my dad, but I don’t know if I can keep standing between it and the next chapter of our lives.
If there even is a next chapter…
