Page 129 of Wildflower
“If your friends and colleagues are so fucking narrow-minded that they will judge you for my life-choices, then that says more about them than you or me. I’m not wasting anything. Being me is what makes me happy.” I take a deep breath and continue before she can start talking again. Finally, I get to say this out loud. “I’m a wildflower, Mum. I thrive where I choose, not where I’m planted.”
Her eyes roam over my tattooed arms before she meets my gaze.
“I’m not ignorant, Mum, I’m defiant. And I’m not selfish.Youare, though, for telling me I have to live a certain way to make you feel good about yourself. Why can’t you be proud that you’ve raised a daughter who can stand up for herself and what she believes in? You said you were like me once, and if that’s true, I hope you find that again one day, because I love myself and I wish you would too.”
Mum stands up, clutching those plastic pearls again.
“I’m not going to sit here and let you berate me, Rosemary. I’m not the one exposed online.”
“Call me Rey,” I say and step out of her way as she makes her exit. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
Xander shakes his head and sits down on the couch. “I can’t believe how vile she was.”
“I’m so sorry Xander,” I say, finally letting the tears out once I hear the door slamming and knowshe’s gone.
“I know, Rey. You’re not responsible for our mother. I’m here for you.”
His words are like a hug, and I step forward to get a real one. God knows I need it after that. Before I reach him, my phone vibrates in my hand, and I gasp, seeing who’s calling.
It’s Mark.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
coffee
REY
“Go away,” I shout, although my voice is raspy. I haven’t used it for anything but crying and screaming into my pillow for days. I don’t even know how many.
The knocking doesn’t stop.
“I’m coming in.”
It’s Xander.
He was here earlier at some point, but I pretended to be asleep. It’s been impossible to speak to anyone without breaking down, and I really don’t want to keep crying. It hurts too much.
Eyes open, I see Mark. Eyes closed, I see Mark. I can smell him on my clothes and on my pillow, and it makes my chest ache so much I need to roll into a ball. What makes it even worse (in addition to Mum’s cruel words), Kirsten messaged saying I can’t work for her anymore. Nia messaged after I missed her second call—I’ve lost my job as an intern. And probably my new friends at Infinio with it. What do they think of me now?
I have nothingleft.
The mattress dips from Xander’s weight as he sits down behind my back. I feel his hand rest on top of my shoulder.
“Can you eat something at least? You haven’t touched a thing in two days. I’m worried about you.”
“I had some water.”
“Please, Rey, there’s buttered toast downstairs. Or I can bring it up here.”
“I can’t eat,” I whisper. “I can’t breathe.”
It starts again. The fucking crying.
“Oh, Rey,” Xander says, and leans down on me.
“I feel like I’m cut in half and hollowed out,” I say through sobs and turn to accept the hug my brother is trying to give me. I break down, burying my face in his shoulder.
He holds me like that for I don’t know how long.
