Page 41 of Wildflower
Sinking down the side of the bed, onto the carpeted floor, I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around myself.
I hate how she makes me feel so small, so ashamed about who I am and what I enjoy doing.
Despite my mum, I’m happy in my skin, and I can stand by my choices.
Do I wish I could still paint? Yes, and maybe I will again, but I didn’t want to paint the way she kept pressing me to. I didn’t care whether it would open more doors or align with the style of certain galleries.
All I cared about was her fucking approval, but she pushed it too far and shattered my joy of creating. Now, it seems everything I do is wrong. I’m getting further and further away from being whatever it was she envisioned for me.
Beanie trots over to me, his little paws making the familiar ruffling noise on the carpet. He snorts and puts his head on my lap. My hand travels over his soft fur and the little folds in his neck. His big brown eyes find mine, and it soothes me.
“You love me for me, right, Bean?”
He makes his funny mix of a bark and snort. Boof. He agrees.
“Do you think I should tell Robin who I am?”
Boof.
“Hmm. You’ve always been the wise one of us.”
Boof.
“Alright, don’t toot your own horn.”
He yawns, curling his long tongue.
“Tell me about it.”
We sit like that for a while. His warm, soft body curled up close to me. Head in my lap.
Beanie gives me the boost of courage I need to pull my phone out of my pocket and type my response to Robin. Now more than ever, I want the company of someone who doesn’t judge me. Someone who makes me feel good. But it means I need to tell him the truth. And if he still wants me, I’ll say yes.
I would love to meet you there, but you need to know I’m not a member. I was there as an atmosphere model. My shift was over when we met, but I had been working there that night. I’m not a VVIP
I hold my breath, watching the three dots move.
Thanks for being honest. You can join as my guest if you still want to
My heart soars with relief. He still wants to see me!
I’d love to, what’s Mesmeric Mystique and when to meet? Do I dress up in a costume again?
It’ll just be us. It’s a private sensory experience that ends with a small meal. It’s on the first floor, the hostess will guide you in. I’ll meet you inside as Robin and you’re invited as Alice. It’s all in the dark, no need for costume. Tonight at 8pm
Okay, so he won’t see me, it sounds like? It’s all in the dark? Maybe it’s better. I can just be the bold, sexy Alice he met, and leave behind this knot of shame in my stomach.
I’ll be there
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
sensations
MARK
It’s pitch black. Just as Aiden described. It puts me on edge standing here waiting for Alice without being able to see. My other senses are working hard. There’s a hint of vanilla and cinnamon in the air, mixed with the muskiness of the old building. The air is warm, and I’m glad I chose a t-shirt for the occasion.
I need tonight to go a certain way to regain my control.
