Page 42 of Fox and Nitro
It’s funny, he’s not as outgoing and laid back as Fox, but the intensity and how he holds himself back while trying to mask his joy and laughter is reeling me in. He’s like a rescue dog, the kind that are too afraid to show pure happiness, the ones that wiggle their little butts but not enough for a full on wag because they’re not sure if they can be happy without being punished for it.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asks, leaning forward, dark eyes on mine. “I love Elio, but Rodney would have to be my favorite.”
My brows hit my hairline as I stare at him. “Rodney?MyRodney?”
His lips twitch until a smile grows on his face, “Yeah, your Rodney. Yeah he’s a little shit, but fuck me, he’s funny.”
I burst into laughter, because that’s the exact way I feel about him. There’s something about a kid that no one likes that makes me want to look for the best in them. “Can I tell you a secret?” he leans in even further, close enough for me to be enveloped in a scent that is truly Zane - sandalwood and leather. His dark eyes search mine. “Rodney is my favorite too. I love that little shit.”
He studies me for a moment. “You see the best in people.”
“I try. There’s always something about someone that makes them lovable.” I shrug one shoulder.
“Do you really believe that?”
“With my whole heart.”
“Do me a favor?” He rests his hand on mine, lacing our fingers together.
My breath hitches as I stare at my small fingers, the knuckle of my pointer finger swollen and red from lupus, against his thick, tanned hands with tattoos across the knuckles.
“I need you to look at yourself in the mirror before bed and then again when you wake up in the morning. And you look for the one thing in yourself that is loveable.” His eyes search mine. “Treat yourself the way you treat others. Can you do that for me?”
My fingers tighten around his slightly. “I’ll try.”
“Trust me, it’ll change the way you see yourself.” His thumb strokes mine, gently, soothingly.
“How can you be so sure?” I whisper, my throat clogged with emotion that this large man could be so kind and gentle with me.
“Because Fox taught me to do it and it works for me.” He gives me a gentle smile before bringing our entwined hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to my knuckles.
Zane’s vulnerability has part of the wall I’ve built around my heart crumbling just a little. It’s not fully down, I’ve built this wall brick by brick, out of disappointment and fear and abandonment. But maybe, just maybe, if I let it down just a little, let a few of the bricks crumble, then maybe Fox and Nitro are the men who can help me replace disappointment with trust. With joy. With bravery. And maybe I can be the person that fills in their gaps and shortcomings. I think the girl gang and Pops are right, I need to take a chance.
Chapter 15
Fox
Ifucking hope Nitro is having the time of his life with Jazz because I can honestly say staring at two geeks suspended in sex swings with ball gags in their mouths is not really my cup of tea.
“Chewy, what’s the plan?” Marx asks, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“You know, just when I think Chewy will run outta ideas, she goes and surprises me,” Rider says, voice awed. “Do you think she’ll let me use the sex swing once she’s finished?” I slowly turn my head toward him and give him a disgusted look.
We all know they’ll have to be burned once Chewy finishes whatever she has planned for these two. Pops claps his hands, moving to stand in front of the “interviewees” as Chewy has started calling our guests.
“Ready for some wild shit to happen to you?” Pops asks, eyeing them up.
That tough dweeb that punched me in the face gives Pops a bored look, and I’m intrigued to watch this one break. He’s a hardass and is clearly the more senior of the two.
“Well, Marx, and thank you for asking, my plan is to break this one-” Chewy waves to Tough Dweeb, “-by torturing this one.” Chewy then waves in the direction of the one that looks terrified out of his damn mind.
“Oh people hate knowing that they’re the cause of someone else’s pain,” Kaia says quietly.
“Especiallywhen they’re siblings,” Chewy grins.
I don’t miss the flare in the eyes of the tough one. She hit the nail on the head.
“Are you sure? They look nothing alike?” Rider says, lining up beside Tank, Savage, Switch and Jules, eyes darting between the two men strung up in the swings.
