Page 55 of Same Difference
“I was just saying whatever he wanted to hear,” he said. “You can hear the lie in my voice. I didn’t mean it.”
“What are we doing here?” she asked, eyes full of emotion. “Huh, Nathan? What are we doing?”
He shook his head, unsure of how to respond. This wasn’t him. He never had trouble with speaking or decisiveness. Delta just had this unsettling power over him.
“I set you free and it was exactly what you wanted. I did it fast. I didn’t beg you to take me back or try harder. You made the decision to leave, and I made it easy! But then you show up everywhere, and I think Dodger is right.”
“Dodger doesn’t know shit—”
“He’s right, Nathan! You are focused on me because you are dominant and don’t like to lose. I’m not a game, Nathan! I’m real. I’m a person! You will chase me until I give in. I know it. I feel it. Every single instinct in my body is telling me that, but when you’re around me, I get drunk on you, and I don’t care about the hurt we are building up again. You will be okay. You’ll always be okay, but I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to build up an even bigger hurt than I’ve already been through. I’m good on my own. Look, I got a truck all on my own with no help from anyone.” She flashed her phone at him. “I got a job! They just called me on the way over here. I have a car and a job and a place to live and I don’t need you, Nathan! I don’t need anyone! For me, it was building to love. For you, I’m a responsibility—”
“Delta—”
“No! I heard the truth in your words when you said that part. No hiding it or changing the truth. We are not the same andwe never were. I have to exit this with some of my pride intact. Do you understand?”
But a little piece of paper in the cupholder had his attention now. It had unfolded and was open just enough for him to read the name, the number, and the message that had been written on it. Who the hell was Brian Young?
He picked up the paper and held it up. “What’s happening?”
A wave of anger emanated from Delta. “Of course I would be baring my soul to you, and you would focus on this.”
“You got a guy’s number? We have been split for thirty fucking seconds, Delta.”
She nodded, her eyes flashing brighter. “I’m not a game,” she repeated.
“I don’t see you like a game, but I do still see you as mine. I’m sorry. This has all happened very fast for me and I can’t catch up instantly. I want…”
“What do you want?” she yelled.
And he dropped his gaze, thinking. “I don’t know.”
“Can we do it my way now? Please? Can you leave me alone for a little while so we can get some space and figure out who we are? I can’t think straight when you are filling my head.” Softer she said, “Please, just let me have a week to myself. And you take the week to figure out why you’re doing all this stuff for me.”
But…if he gave her a week away from him, how would he show her he still cared? It felt like giving up, and he hadn’t done that yet. He was trying to build them to something bigger than friends.
“I’m asking for something I need,” Delta whispered.
It was the twin tears that streaked down her cheeks that made him nod his head and agree.
“Yeah?” she asked softly.
“Yeah,” he said gruffly. God, he hated when she cried. It was always because of him. His phone was going off, vibrating withtext messages. He ran his hands over his face and stared out the window. “I’ll do anything you want.”
His phone started vibrating with a call. He didn’t want Delta to see him hurt, so he got out. He wanted to crumple up the number for Brian Young and burn it in front of her, but she was doing something he didn’t understand, and he couldn’t burn her on the way out. She’d been kind to him. He had to pay her back.
So, Nathan placed the folded piece of paper back in the cupholder where he’d got it and pulled his phone out of his back pocket and answered his brother’s call. He forced himself not to look back at Delta as he walked away, and it felt like he was being gutted.
Fuck, his chest ached as he listened to the 4Runner driving off.
One week. What was he supposed to do? Not check up on her? Not fix up her den? Not hear her voice? Not kiss her? Not touch her? Not move them to where he wanted them to be?
Couldn’t she feel it? He wanted her. She had this issue with him calling her his responsibility, but she was. She was his. He hadn’t actually felt that way until she’d ended them, but that’s how it really was.
No, they couldn’t legally reinstate their Arrangement. They could never be officially paired again, but that didn’t matter to him.
He wanted her however he could have her.
He wanted her now, but Delta had already started moving on.
