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“Because, Ness, those are my parents too. I’m not happy with what they did, and I hate what they’ve done to you, but you’re not the only one who lost them.”
“James, come on, it’s not like that…”
“It is, Vanessa. I had to stop them from sending you to a conversion camp. They were going to ship you off to fucking ‘fix’ you when you don’t need fixing. I told them if they did, they would never see me again and as soon as I was old enough I would fight for guardianship and take you with me.”
Nessa freezes, her fork hallway to her mouth, colour draining from her face.
“They what?” she asks, horrified.
“They were going to send you away. I stopped them. Promised I would eventually go into the family business. That voicemail you got, Nessa, they threatened to sue you if you ‘poisoned me against them.’ I can’t get out of this. Either way, you get hurt. They could go after you, legally, and I don’t know how I would protect you then.” Helplessness washes over me, the same as when I remember the future that was decided for me by the time I learned how to walk.
“James, it’s not your job to protect me.” I jerk back. “Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for everything you’ve done. I didn’t realize how far that went,” she says, sniffing back tears. “But I’m a grown woman. Some things I’ll need to navigate on my own. I love that you’ve taken such great care of me, how well you’ve looked after me, but I can’t let you continue to do that at the expense of your own happiness.”
I look at her quizzically.
“Even if I’m angry that you lied, you still deserve to be happy. If Stella is who you want, I say go for it. Find a new career far, far away from our parents, travel with your girlfriend, whatever. All I’m asking is that you dosomethingfor yourself.”
“Joining the band was for myself,” I argue.
“You joined the band to escape. If you hadn’t felt like you needed to, would you have?” I stay silent.
Fuck.
“You need to fix whatever you did. I love you, but Stella is my friend, too. I’m morally obligated to kick your ass if you hurt her.”
“I screwed up so bad, Nessa. I don’t know what to do.”
“Sorry, big bro, I don’t have a head-out-of-ass extractor. You’re going to have to dig this one out yourself.”
“I’m too tired to fight for someone, Ness,”
“That’s the thing, James, you don’t have to fight for her, you already have her. She just wants you to tell her.”
“She said that?”
“No, but I know you. You’re not one to spontaneously share your feelings, so you might know, and you might be showing her, but you still need to tell her.”
“Fuck. I hate when you’re right.” I pull out my phone, opening her contact. I should text her first, not just arrive at her door, right?
Nessa leans over to spy on my phone.
“Why do you call her sunshine?” she asks.
I look over at her, one eyebrow cocked.
“Fair point,” she chuckles. “It’s cute.”
“She’s pretty cute,” I conceded.
“It looks good on you, big bro,” Nessa says softly, her face tranquil.
“What does?”
“Joy.”
Chapter 38
Stella
