Page 105 of To Go
It’s awkward. No one seems to want to speak first.
“Alright, I’ll go first,” gripes Hazel, ever the peacemaker. “I’ve missed you, Stella. Shit’s been weird lately, and it’s no one person’s fault, but I can sense you drifting and I don’t want to lose you.” Her heartfelt words are all it takes for me to burst into tears.
Remember when you laughed at Hazel for crying all the time last year? Karma’s a bitch.
Two sets of arms hold me together while I dissolve.
“Sorry, I’m not sure where that came from,” I say, trying to laugh off my burst of emotion.
“You’re allowed to cry and have shitty days,” says Nessa, “and if anything James has said is true, you’ve had a shit week and a half. A few tears are warranted.”
“Thanks,” I blubber, wiping my face, probably smearing mascara all over it in the process.
“The reason I asked you to come here is…” Nessa looks to the floor, her ears tipped red. “I’m sorry. I was a bitch. I don’t like that you lied to me. I’m still not cool with that, but I get it. I could have handled everything a lot better.”
“I appreciate that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for lying to you. I didn’t ever imagine it would all get blown out of proportion into… well, this.” A tentative laugh ripples through us, releasing a little bit of the tension.
“If you’re open to it, I’d love to hear your side?” Nessa asks. My shock must be evident because she continues, “I’ve been working on some stuff lately with a psychologist,” she admits sheepishly.
“Hey, I’m all for therapy,” I joke. “Lord knows I’ve had enough of it.” I launch into what I intend to be a brief version of events, but sitting with my friends, watching them listen, every detail starts to bleed out of me. I keep the dirtier stuff away from Nessa, and she turns a particularly nasty shade of green when I reveal that it was in fact not the uber driver that I shtupped, but her brother. By the time I get to the money and what I told James the other day, I’m out of breath.
Hazel and Nessa sit shocked, still processing the information.
“Thank you for sharing, even though a lot of that was super gross,” Nessa spits out comically.
“To be fair, I’ve heard more than my fair share of stories from you that are waaaaay worse!” I counter.
“True.”
“I’m glad it’s all out in the open. Can we agree no more secrets from now on?” begs Hazel. Her dark eyes bore into mine withsilent pleas. Nessa chuckles darkly and throws back her shot while my blood turns to ice.
There is one secret I haven’t told them.
“I actually do have something to tell you guys,” my voice cracks.
“Whatever it is, you can tell us.” Hazel folds her hand over mine. I swallow bile.
“My dad—" I can’t get the words out.
“Is he sick?” Asks Nessa, all her anger from before vanished.
I can barely get the words out. “He’s dead.”
Hazel flinches back. Nessa stares open-mouthed.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, rogue tears running down.
“When did this happen?” Nessa chokes.
This is the worst part.
“Last year,” I say, only allowing my voice to warble a little.
“Your vacation…” Hazel whispers, putting it together.
“I had to finalize some things for his estate.”
Hurt is painted on each of their faces and I lay my forehead on the bar with my hands on my head. I might be out of tears as all that leaves me are huge shuddering breaths.
