Page 107 of To Go
“Yup, that’s me.” His shoulders sag in relief.
“Thank God! I was worried you wouldn’t be here,” he says with familiarity.
“Excuse me, but, who are you?” I ask, slowly reaching for my phone, already open to a text thread with Beck. Sweat gathers on my palms as my eyes flick to the clock.
Someone will be here in a few minutes. I’m only alone for a few more minutes.
“Oh, I’m so sorry! I believe you knew my grandmother, Miriam?” That makes me pause.
“Miriam? Yeah, she’s a regular here. We love her. Is everything okay?” Worry curls in my gut.
“I wish I wasn’t the one to have to tell you this,” he says, shifting his weight nervously, “but she passed away a few days ago.”
Time stops. I try to process what he said to me.
“She died?” I ask in disbelief. “Was she sick? She seemed so…”
“Spry?” he says, a slight smile on his face. “Yeah, she was good at putting on a front. Her health has been iffy for a while, but we think it was old age. It was simply her time,” he says sympathetically as my eyes water. I shouldn’t be the one crying here, it was his grandmother. She was a regular where I worked. We weren’t super close. But we were friends. A gaping hole opens in my heart, knowing that I’ll never see her again.
“Thank you for coming to let me know,” I choke out.
“Of course, we saw your text come in, and she’s talked about you before. A lot, actually. She called you her favourite grandkid sometimes, pissed my sister right off. But it was clear that you were important to her. She asked me to give you this, though, on her last day,” he says, passing the paper over the counter. I take it with shaking hands.
“I appreciate you coming by.”
“You’re welcome. Have a great trip, Stella. Make lots of memories. She would have loved that.” I watch him retreat out of the store, walking numbly behind him to lock the door.She told them about me? About my travels?
I put the paper on the counter, not ready to look at what it says as I finish my cleaning duties.
When the space is acceptable for the evening crew, I grab a seat in one of the plush armchairs in the corner and unfold the paper.
She’s written me a letter.
Dear Stella,
My darling girl! I hope you know, I never wanted to keep this a secret. I’m an old woman, and everyone has their time. I didn’t want mine to be lurking around the corner. Keeping it to myself meant that I got to enjoy every day I had with no regrets, no fear, and a whole lot of fun.
I hope Cameron was kind when he told you. I chose him to deliver this as he seems to be my kindest, and least idiotic grandchild. Somehow, despite these stellar genes, we made a few duds. That’s life though. Not everything works out, but you can make anything work.
I want you to know how proud I am of you. Since our talk, I haven’t stopped thinking about how hard you’ve worked, how much you’ve overcome, and how sweet, kind, and lovely you’ve remained through it all. Not everyone can do that, you know? You’re incredibly strong. If I weren’t telling the reaper to giveme a damn minute, I would say I want to be you when I grow up. I see a lot of me in you—you’re tenacious, funny, and sharp as a tack.
Sadly, I won’t be able to hear about any of your adventures. I know I was looking forward to your stories, but when your time comes, it comes. No avoiding it. You understand that better than most. So I want to leave you with this—make this world your bitch.
You want to travel? Go see everything.
You want to stay at home, barefoot and popping out a brood for that handsome man that comes in and stares at you all the time? Go get on your back.
My one demand is that you don’t see things as one or the other. Wanting something doesn’t always mean you have to give up something else. Every problem has more than one solution.
On the back of this letter is some money that I’m leaving you. If my vulture of a son follows my instructions, there should be enough to cover some flights and accommodation for you. All I ask is that you go with an open mind and heart, and that when you come back, if your soul still calls to that boy, don’t hold yourself back. Don’t assume the worst, that everything fails, that everyone will leave you .
The world may be your oyster, but it’s meaningless to have everything if you have no one to share it with. Don’t become old and alone.
And know that I’m watching you, always.
Love,
Miriam
