Page 108 of To Go
I sniff, watching small water droplets spread on the neat handwriting. I wipe my eyes, trying to regain composure. Picking up the small package that the letter was wrapped around, I open it to see a literal wad of cash. Without counting,I can tell it’s a few thousand, based on the volume of brown and red bills.
It’s been a while since I’ve been taken care of like this, like I had a mother. The hole in my heart, the one where my parents fit, grows a little bit larger to make room for her.
I’ve managed to dry my face by the time Nessa shows up. Her eyes are watery, and when Hazel walks up behind her, I know she’s already told her. I look at her in gratitude before turning to Nessa.
“It’s not like I won’t be back,” I console.
“I know, but you’re like, one of my best friends! I’m going to miss you, babe,” she sniffles before hugging me slash trying to strangle me. I laugh into her shoulder, letting her hug me as long as she wants. “You’re not leaving ‘cause you’re mad, are you?” she asks, her face pinched.
“Absolutely not. It’s just time to get out and explore. I’m one hundred percent coming back, I promise.”
“Then I guess it’s fine,” she huffs, “but only if you bring me a present!” I stare at her for a moment before all of us burst out laughing. I check the time on my phone.
“I will, Nessa. I better get going, though. My first flight leaves in a few hours,” I sigh.
“Where are you going first?” inquires Hazel. “Do you have an itinerary? I can touch base with you, make sure you’re okay, be your home base?” She looks at me earnestly, pulling out her phone, presumably to take notes. Warmth spreads through me as I look at my friends.
I didn’t expect to have something to come home to.
I don’t know how to express how much I love them in the few minutes we have left. Hazel must see it in my face.
“We’ll talk to you once you land, okay? You can call any of us, day or night.”
“Better use the messaging app, I’m turning off my cell service when I get to the airport,” I say, not wanting to miss anything they send me.
“You got it, Star Girl. We love you.” I hug them all one last time before stepping out of the shop. Despite the fact that it’s still winter, I can see small moments of thaw around me; melting frost, the sun making warm spots, snow turning to slush. Spring is coming.
The time for new beginnings.
Chapter 40
James
I’m pacing my apartment, staring at my phone.
I haven’t heard a peep from Stella since the last time I was at her apartment. I don’t know if I should reach out first or if that would be invading her space. I shouldn’t crowd her, but as I sit here, anxious as hell, wishing she would talk to me, I can’t help but run through every one of our moments.
The first time we kissed.
The first time I got to have her.
Playing truth or dare and watching her laugh maniacally at me.
Holding her close.
How angry she got that I bought her flowers.
Fucking that anger out of her.
Sleeping in with her.
Showing her my favourite TV show.
Her kicking my ass at cards.
I’m going crazy without her. And she’s leaving soon.
I should have gone with her. I would follow her anywhere. I need her like I need to breathe, like the sun needs to rise in the morning. And I let her go, like a fucking moron.
