Page 65 of To Go
We crawl into her bed, and I curl my body around hers, slipping my hand up her sweater as she fires up Netflix. I take a deep inhale of the sweet, strawberry scent of her soap as I caress her side, right where I saw her little tattoo that night.
“Will you tell me about it?” I ask as I kiss her shoulder where it meets her neck. I’ve never been this comfortable in bed with a woman. I’ve never been a huge cuddler, but with Stella, I’m finding I never want to let her out of my arms. That was something Beth always complained about. With Stella, we just fit.
“Tell you about what?” She turns only enough to look at me.
“Your tattoo.”
“Oh, you saw that, huh?” She rolls over so we’re facing each other, keeping our legs tangled together. “Well, it’s me and my mom. Her name was Luna, and I’m Stella, so…”
“The moon and the stars.” It’s a lovely idea, naming your kid with the intent of connecting like that.
“Yup. The whole night sky. Mom used to call me her star girl,” she says, her voice teary even though her smile is bright. “She always told me that she was the moon, and she always shone brightest with my dad, her sun, but I’m the stars. I shine all on my own. She always told me to look for my own sunbeam. Just because the stars shine doesn’t mean you never need the day.”
“You took that to heart,” I chuckle. She doesn’t need anyone else to highlight how fucking special she is. She can bring a smile to the surliest customer.
“I did. I learned that I didn’t need other people to make me happy. Relying on other people to make you happy just leads to being hurt in the end. You have to make yourself happy first, learn to build the world you need.” She smiles, her upturned lips in contrast with the crinkles in her eyes.
“You’re very wise.”
“You’ve mentioned.”
“Well, you keep doing it. It’s impressive.” I don’t know what I was expecting from her. I judged her immediately based on her age, but she’s not at all what I thought she would be. She speaks with more life experience than I would have expected from someone of her age. “You’re good at taking care of yourself. And other people.”
“You’re not so bad yourself. I’ve heard Nessa talk about you. You do a lot for the people around you.” I don’t answer, I just hold her tighter, pulling her into my chest and rubbing her back as she settles into me. It doesn’t take long before she nods off, the soft sounds from the TV lulling her to sleep.
I carefully unwind myself from her hold, making sure I don’t wake her. I slip on my shoes and lock the door behind myself, sliding the key back under the door for her.
Leaving is harder than I thought it would be. I promised her, though, that I would follow her rules. If that’s what it takes to have her, I’ll do whatever she asks, no matter how much it hurts.
Chapter 21
James
Who the hell has a work Christmas party the week before Christmas?
PhilipfuckingBeckett. That’s who.
Despite the fact that it’s cold as balls out, no one wants to drive, and I still haven’t started Christmas shopping, I’m sitting at a “closed for staff event”Booze & Brewssipping on champagne and watching Maria bring out dish after dish of fancy hors d’oeuvres. There’s duck confit on a kettle chip, some kind of goat cheese thing, mini perogies, and some kind of veggie dip.
What I wouldn’t give for a real meal right now,I think to myself over the loud Christmas music playing right as a plate of waffles and fried chicken on toothpicks float by me.On second thought…
Jill, Nick, and Laur were invited too, I can spot them sitting off to the side, huddled over their drinks and laughing at some asinine story that Nick is telling. I ignore the bite of jealousy settling in the pit of my stomach.
It doesn’t bother me,I try to convince myself while I down the rest of my drink. I refuse to admit that they might be right, that I might not have a place with them anymore.
My gaze drifts to Stella who stands by the counter chatting with Hazel. She’s wearing the poofiest bright red dress I’ve ever seen. It’s got a floral texture to it that makes me want to reach out and touch it. The tiny straps on her shoulders would be so easy to push down, leaving space to kiss and drive her mad. She’s paired it with tall black heels and massive gold earrings, shown off by putting her hair into a messy chignon. She contrasts starkly against Hazel’s sleek black satin dress and flats.
Stella sips her champagne, her cheeks already flushed. She’s ethereal, and I’m so caught up in how to approach her that I don’t even hear Nessa when she walks right into my line of sight.
“Hey big bro! I’m so glad you’re here!” she exclaims, throwing her arms around me. I barely catch her before she topples over. My eyes burn as a whiff of vodka floats up from her.
How much has she had to drink?I don’t have long to think about that as she starts babbling about trying this new restaurant she found on social media. I’ll admit, most of what she says about food goes over my head. I try to be supportive, but her passion is stronger than I think I’ve felt about anything.
Until recently.
Luckily, I’m saved by Beck tapping a glass for our attention. He’s in a maroon suit, complete with a tie, and his hair is gelled and styled instead of tied up like he normally does. It’s making me oddly self-conscious about the fact that I am very underdressed in my dark jeans and button up that Nessa told me I had to wear in order to ‘not be an embarrassment to her good name.’
“Hey everyone! If I can steal your attention for one minute and then you can get back to your drinking,” Beck calls out, his face split in a massive smile. Everyone chuckles before settlingdown. “I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know how much I appreciate and care about all of you. Nearly two years ago, I boughtBooze & Brewshoping to be able to turn it around. You may or may not know that when I took over, things were not looking good. We needed a miracle. And each and every one of you has stepped up at one point or another to become that miracle. From helping in the kitchen, working longer hours, filling gaps where we needed, bringing in customers,” he points to the band, who hold their glasses up and cheer, “you have all made an incredible difference.
