Page 84 of To Go
“Well, I don’t want to touch the money. I was the sole beneficiary for my mom’s sum. It was put in an account in my name for when I’m older, and my dad’s… is still in an envelope on my fridge.” Shame colours her voice at her last confession.
“You’re sitting on two life insurance policies but say you’re broke enough to have to thrift your clothes? What the fuck, Stella?”
“It’s blood money.” Her words are vicious and determined.
“You know, they wouldn’t have wanted you to—"
“Respectfully, James, you don’t know what they would have wanted. I wanted my parents alive. We don’t always get what we want.”
“I know, sunshine.”
“You actually don’t know. You have your parents, and yeah that relationship is hard, but you HAVE them. You don’t know what it’s like to lose that relationship.”
“Actually, I do.”
“What do you mean?”
“When they realized Vanessa was bi, she was in high school. She hadn’t come out yet, but she had a crush on a girl in her class. A huge one, and it was super obvious to everyone, including my parents. Nessie brought her home one day… All hell broke loose.” I sigh, mustering up the courage to tell her this. Up until now, only myself and my parents knew this. “They were going to send her away. To a camp.” My voice cracks on the last word as Stella puts a hand over her mouth, eyes tearing a little. “A conversion camp. I overheard them talking about it one night, planning it all. People were going to come take her in the middle of the night, bring her god knows where, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t let that happen. I needed to keep her safe.” I can’t catch my breath, like I’m back there watching my parents plan to destroy their only daughter.
“James, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“I do.”
“Okay.” Her small hand slips its way into mine, an anchor in the storm. “What happened next?”
“Nessa was out with a friend, so I stormed in there and demanded answers. I had graduated the year before, so I told them if they did this, I would take her from them. Convince a judge to give me custody and they’d never see either of us again.”
“You would have done it.”
“In a fucking heartbeat.” I squeeze her hand, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. “I had enough dirt on them that they knew it wasn’t a battle they could win. We came to some terms. She stayed. So did I. In return, I have to take over the company and keep it in the family. I’m pretty sure there’s some less-than-legal dealings that could come to light if it changed to the wrong hands. Everything changed after that. My parents saw my threat as a betrayal, Nessa saw my keeping ties with them the same. So, here I am. Forever stuck in the middle of a battle that no one is ever going to win.”
“Did you ever tell her?”
“No. She still wants a relationship with them. She wants them to love her as she is so badly. I can’t crush her.”
“You’re a good brother, James.” She leans over and places a quick kiss to my jaw. “And a really good person.” Before she can pull away, I thread my fingers into her hair, holding her still as I bring her lips to mine. Her hands flutter to my chest as I gather her to me, deepening our kiss and groaning into her mouth as I taste the sweet burst of strawberries still on her tongue.
Chapter 30
Stella
Despite the fact that I feel more settled with James after what happened on Christmas, my heart still feels raw. Tender. His accusations stung, even after getting an apology. Reliving my worst days wasn’t exactly the most exhilarating experience, but it was freeing to share it with another person.
And to top it all off, this friends with benefits situation isn’t as awkward as I was worried it would be. We’re a week into the new year and we’ve been finding ourselves together most evenings, sometimes to have sex, a lot of the time to eat and hang out. It’s nice to have some focus on the “friend” aspect of our friends-with-benefits arrangement. The toughest part has been keeping it to myself.
“Come on, Stella, you can’t tell me you haven’t hooked up with that guy again,” Nessa says around a mouth full of food. “You’ve been more glowy lately, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re pregnant.”
“Eww, don’t speak that into my life,” I say, trying to laugh it off.
“Have you been seeing someone though?” Hazel prods gently. Her mother’s funeral was yesterday, and while only her and Beck attended, she still seems a little overwhelmed. I was surprised that she planned an outing, but she said she needed to get out of the house. I think back to my mom’s funeral. The only reason I left the house was to grab groceries for my dad and turn in some assignments for school.
“Hate to burst your bubble, but I’m not seeing anyone.” Hazel’s hopeful expression deflates. It’s not exactly a lie. James and I aren’t technically together. We’re simply exploring whatever this pull is between us while we’re in the same city.
An uncomfortable tightness squeezes my lungs. It’s been happening whenever I think about travelling again.
It’s excitement,I tell myself.Sometimes excitement manifests like anxiety, right?I stuff my mouth full of bacon, listening to Nessa rant about her latest conquest that she met at a new restaurant last week. Some waiter there apparently has a massive schlong and she ‘needed to try it out.’ I go on autopilot, throwing out jokes where appropriate, nodding, asking the right questions, but my mind is somewhere else entirely.
I’m going to miss them when I’m gone.
