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“Because why?” she repeats. I don’t have the words to put it all together, everything that’s been going on. She can tell how hard I’m struggling to put it together and throws me a lifeline. “I heard about what happened with your parents.” Her brash tone is suddenly gone, replaced with the one I’m most familiar with, the one she would use when we were kids, when I left the screaming going on in my house, hopped into her car, and asked her to just drive.
“It’s nothing.” The muscle in my jaw twitches at the lie.
“I remember how they were. It’s not nothing .” She continues her stare down, tipping her chin up at me. I meet her stare with a blank expression, knowing it’ll piss her off. True to my prediction, she huffs in exasperation.
I mirror her stance, squaring up to her. As I do, an old lady, possiblythe oldestlady walks by and tugs on my arm.
“Young man, I need you to reach something for me,” she says as she drags me towards a shelf of packaged salads. I consider shaking her off, but she’s so frail I’m afraid one wrong move will break literally all of her bones.
Beth, unrelenting, follows us. “Come on, James, you’re going to have to answer me eventually.”
“No,” I say, grabbing the pack of mixed greens the original Eve points out to me. Her grip tightens on my arm as I go to move away, stopping me in my tracks.
“Young man, speak politely. Now answer this young lady.” Her voice, unlike her body, is firm. Beth grins in amusement at my predicament. I can either shake off this woman like a total asshole, or…
“What if Nessa’s right? What if I’m fucking everything up?”
“Language!” shouts the coffin-dodger.
“Sorry ma’am,” I mutter. She shakes her head at me in disgust before toddling off. The second she’s out of earshot, which isn’t far, Beth bursts out laughing.
“Fuck, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! You got put in your place by a pensioner!” she cackles, clutching her abdomen as she bends over. “But seriously, why do you think you’re messing everything up? So, you dated your sister’s friend, so what?”
“Leanne,” is all I say. Beth’s face softens. Beth and Nessa met through me, but she knew all about my high school fling that cost my sister one of her only close friends.
“She was pretty upset,” Beth muses. “But you understand how this is different, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“James,” Beth sighs, “Nessa is an adult. You’re an adult. You are allowed to choose things just for you, you know?”
“She’s my sister. I’m all she has.” Guilt curdles my insides as she gives me that look of hers. Her bullshit-calling look. I haven’t been on the receiving end of it since our breakup, when she told me I wasn’t in love with her. She was right, but it took her pointing it out for me to see it.
“That may have been true at one point,” she concedes, “but life is different now. She has people, and before you say it, I know what happened with your parents. She’s still not alone.”
I make my way to self-checkout, rolling what she said over in my brain.
“You’ve been her protector for a long time now, you haven’t realized that you’re not the only one protecting her anymore.” I tap my card on the machine, my attention split between not accidentally being a thief and really hearing what Beth is saying.
“You’ve lived your life and made decisions based on what’s best for her for a long time. It’s time to start living your life for yourself.” She puts a comforting hand on my arm. “Listen, you’ve been so great at taking care of her, protecting her, stepping up for her, you forget that it was never your job. You were a kid too.” She walks towards the subway station when we exit the store, leaving me alone in the dark parking lot.
It’s my job to make sacrifices for my sister. Someone has to.
Live your life for yourself,Beth’s voice echoes in my head.
I’m yanked from my thoughts by my phone buzzing in my pocket.
Band group chat:
Jill (Band)
Band meeting at Laur’s in one hour.
Laur (Band)
K.
Nick (Band)
