Page 73 of To Go
“Hey girl, merry Christmas Eve!” Nessa shouts down the line. She sounds a little drunk, but drunk calls from Nessa aren’t exactly uncommon.
I chuckle back at her. “Merry Christmas Eve, Nessa.”
“Can you believe it’s almost the end of the year? Like, where does time even go? Did you know that time is relative because the longer you live, the less a certain amount of time feels to you. So, like, a year when you’re seven feels like forever because it’s a seventh of your life, but when you’re a hundred, it’s literally only one percent of your life. That’s why it seems so short!” I’m having trouble keeping up with her, and I’m not sure why thiscall is happening. Chaos is simply a part of the package deal when it comes to Nessa.
“That’s some deep thinking for eleven at night, Nessa,” I say, trying to calm her down a bit. I know she’s home from James’ now—he messaged earlier inviting me over—but if she’s alone and this is the beginning of a spiral…
I’ve only seen Nessa spiral once before. It was shortly after the launch of ‘Home Brewed.’ I had gone in for a packing shift since the new boxes were set to go out soon.
“Beck, I’m serious! You need better security in here.”
“Nessa, our security is fine, and that guy was just drunk. Not every drunk guy is out to get you, okay?”
“Oh, so you don’t care if I get assaulted, is that it? I should just expect the best from everyone and be startled when that plan doesn’t work out?”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it, Nessa.” Beck folds his arms over his chest, his forehead scrunched as he looks over Nessa, slouched in the chair in his office. I tuck myself out of sight, not wanting to get caught eavesdropping.
“Why don’t we all take a break? Maybe grab some water?” Hazel suggests, ever the peacekeeper.
I swing around the corner right as Hazel and Beck exit, walking towards the kitchen.
“I’m worried about her,” Hazel whispers before they’re out of earshot. I’ll admit, I’ve been worried about her too. Herdrinking has gotten worse, her behaviour more erratic… I love her, but she’s not the Nessa I met months ago.
I slip through the door quietly and place a soothing hand on Nessa’s shoulder. Her eyes are misty and red-rimmed when she looks up at me.
“Are you okay?” I ask. I know the answer, but politeness is ingrained in me.
“No.” Nessa says without elaborating. I crouch down next to her.
“What was it about that guy that set you off? Shouting and pushing a customer? That doesn’t seem like you. You used to handle these things like a pro.”
“I just—” her eyes dart around before she hangs her head. “They all look like him,” she mutters.
“Him?”
“Yeah, all it took was one Instagram story for him to find Hazel here. He was so mad when he came in, I thought he was there for me. And then when he hurt Hazel… all I could think was that I was grateful he wasn’t going after me next. How fucking selfish is that?”
Justin. Hazel’s ex.
The stories I’ve heard about him have me feeling nauseous. He tricked Nessa into thinking he was available and got her to sleep with him, which is how Hazel found out he was cheating. Then he started following Hazel around, and when he crashed into the workplace to find Hazel, he singled Nessa out specifically.
No, not singled out. Threatened.
Watching the camera footage as he pointed that bat at her, the eerie smile he gave her as he propositioned her… I can’t imagine being in her position.
“Oh, honey…”
“Don’t you ‘oh, honey’ me. It’s fine. It’s whatever. It’s not about me, it never was. I know that. He was never there for me. He didn’t want me. No one wants me. I’m just Nessa…” she trails off, not making sense anymore. The faint smell of vodka wafts from her breath. Jesus, is she drunk on the job?
“Nessa, it’s okay to have feelings about this. It was really scary, and he threatened you. It’s normal to have that kind of reaction. Have you considered talking to someone?” Despite the strong front she puts on, Justin’s assault had shaken her.
“Like a shrink? I don’t need a fucking shrink, okay? I’m fine.” She blusters around for a moment, grabbing her jacket and keys. “I’m walking home. See you tomorrow.” Then she leaves without another word, and I’m left standing in the middle of Beck’s office, stunned.
“She left,” I say when Hazel and Beck return, not bothering to wait for the question. They exchange a solemn look.
“Thanks, Stella. You can clock out early if you want, we’ve got it from here.”
“What can I say? I’m a deep thinker,” Nessa giggles, pulling me back into the moment. “I wanted to call and say I love you, and you’re my best friend, and we should totally work New Year’s Eve together!” She gasps suddenly. “Oh! We should hang out tomorrow! I’m not going to my parent’s place ‘cause they suck. Wanna come over and watch crappy Christmas movies and eat too much?” I can hear someone trying to talk to her in the background, but she seems to keep moving away from them.
