Page 89 of To Go
I give her a brief hug on her way out, and when the front door closes, I collapse in on myself, hating that there is absolutely nothing I can do.
Chapter 32
Stella
The vibes are undeniably off. Ever since I left James’ place yesterday, I’ve had a sinking suspicion that things are about to hit the fan.
I’m working with Nessa on the bar side tonight. I helped with the flip, and she came in about an hour later, right as patrons started to fill the seats. Her smile has been strained all night, even if it’s only noticeable to me. She slings drinks like the best of them, but her smile is only on when someone is watching. Her mother’s message must be eating at her. I can’t imagine being treated that way by a parent. Yes, my dad hid things from me, but he never went out of his way to harm me.
I haven’t heard from James today either. Usually, we text sporadically throughout the day. So far, he’s been silent. It’s eerie, going from the consistency of James and the chaos of Nessa to… well, nothing. It’s as though I’ve stepped into an alternate universe.
A new band is playing today, one I haven’t seen before, which is odd. Beck doesn’t usually add new bands, but they’re prettygood. Even if Nessa seems a little off, I can’t act like I know why. I can’t let on that I know about the voicemail I overheard, and I know that if she wanted to talk about it she would.
As their set winds down and the playlist Beck set up takes over, it’s like I can finally take a deep breath. I made it through today. Nothing bad happened. I get to go home and sleep knowing that things are going to go back to normal.
It’s odd, though, the more the bar empties, the more tense Nessa seems to become. I’m not sure why. She had a great night for tips, no one started a brawl, and the band performed with no issues. Usually that would indicate a successful shift.
You’d think I’d know better, but I decide it’s better to just ask her about it. Maybe she wants to talk to a friend about her mom’s call. I’ll have to find a way to get her to bring it up without letting on that I heard it.
“Hey, we haven’t talked at all tonight, how’re you doing?” I ask, hoping she’ll tell me about her mom. She doesn’t even look my way.
“Fine.” She says, her tone clipped, and I have a hunch that crap’s about to go sideways.
“Are you sure? We haven’t talked in a while, I’ve missed you.” I’m hoping that appealing to her soft side, where our friendship lies, will soften her a bit.
That’s apparently too much to ask, though.
“We’d probably have more time to hang out together if you weren’t so busy fucking my brother.”
All of the air is sucked out of the room. The remaining patrons cease to exist as I try to comprehend what she just said.
She knows.
How does she know?
What the hell is going on?
I’m choking on my words, trying to string something sensible together.
“How did you find out?” is apparently the best I can come up with.
“Seriously?” she snaps, “You’re not fucking subtle. You’ve clearly been sleeping with someone, and you’re not a secretive person. When you wouldn’t tell us, we figured that it was someone we wouldn’t approve of.” Great. That means Hazel must know, too. My mouth floods with saliva and I think I might vomit. “Besides, I’ve seen you wear those yellow shoes before. You bragged about them last summer. I recognized them in my brother’s entrance. You were clearly hiding from me, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.” And it’s true. I’m flabbergasted, stunned, frozen, unable to string a simple sentence together.
“You’re my friend, Stella. I don’t care that you fucked my brother as much as I do that you lied to me! Friends don’t lie to each other.”
“I’m sorry, Nessa,”
“No, I thought we were friends. Clearly, I was so fucking wrong. I don’t see a reason for Beck to schedule us together moving forward, do you?”
“I’m sorry.” Apparently, that’s the only thing I can get out of my mouth right now. I have nothing to defend myself with. I have no reason for what I did, for not telling her, aside from not wanting to hurt her, which I sort of did anyway.
I’m a horrible person. Not only that, but I’m also a horriblefriend.Reality crashes in as I see my friendship crumble before me.
“Lose my number. I’m leaving early. Don’t forget to switch out the kegs and mop. It was sticky yesterday morning.”
That’s it. Over a year of friendship washed away for a few weeks of carnal fun. I should have known this would happen. Ishould have followed my gut and stayed away from him. How could I be so stupid?
