Page 67 of Christmas Crisis
As much as having a romantic pull to Miranda ignited my senses, it also made me feel like a fraud.
Those were the thoughts going through my head as she sat across from me in my dim hotel room, appearing perfectly at ease in my disheveled sheets.
Was I really asexual if her hand brushing across my stomach made me tremble? Had I been holding people at a distance for no reason? Had I ever been true to myself? And how the fuck at age thirty-five did I not know the answers to these questions?
Perhaps more importantly, wanting her wasn’t the same as knowing I’d be able to love her the way she needed. The way she deserved.
Faced with those complicated anxieties, I could almost forget Stone's presence in her life.
But Miranda didn’t know what was happening with me. And she hadn’t forgotten Stone. I suspected it was their situation that kept her awake tonight. She’d looked upset during their video chat the day before. I’d seen her slam her laptop closed from the backyard. But after our argument about Stone and Naomi, we rarely discussed her boyfriend, so I hadn’t asked her about the call.
All the same, I sensed she needed me.
Her next words confirmed it.
“I don’t really know why I came to your room, Bear. I guess it just didn’t seem right to end this amazing day alone when I could end it with my favorite person in the world.”
“You know you can always come to me, Panda. Whatever you need.”
She yawned and scooted under the covers to the other side of the bed, patting the spot where she’d been sitting. I smiled and crawled in next to her. It wasn’t the first time we’d shared a bed. I’d woken up more than once in my apartment to find she’d snuck into my bedroom during the night, claiming my “creepy” painting was attempting to steal her soul. I’d also graduatedfrom the couch to one-half of the bed whenever I stayed with her in LA.
It would be different now, after what I'd discovered today, but I'd never deny her this comfort.
“Everything okay?” she asked, throwing an arm over my chest and snuggling into my side.
“Mm-hmm. Just tired.”
She’d had her nails done for the wedding, and she scratched them through my chest hair. I felt my dick perk up under the blanket and hoped she didn’t notice.
“You know,” her tone teased, “I’m pretty sure I see a few silver strands.”
I tilted my head and pretended to bite her jaw. “Are you saying I’m old?”
“No… Uh… Stone waxes his chest.” She rested her cheek on my sternum. “This is nice. I like the furry…and the silver.”
I harrumphed. She’d barely mentioned Stone’s name to me in months. I tightened my arm around her.
“Can I sleep here?” she asked.
“Course.”
A few minutes later, I heard her soft snores.
Unsurprisingly, I found sleep elusive and eventually gave up trying. My brain continued to churn with all its earlier worries, even as I enjoyed holding the first woman I’d been attracted to in over a decade. After so many years of nursing the same patterns, my life had turned a corner.
I’d entered a new era where I no longer fully knew myself.
I was officially having an identity crisis.
Chapter nineteen
Miranda
NOW
Leo had gotten hard while he’d massaged me.
I’d felt the tautness in him at the dining table when he first touched my shoulders, and again after I unintentionally asked for a more comprehensive massage. Without understanding exactly what was happening, I knew I wanted his hands on me.
