Page 42 of Christmas Crisis
13 MONTHS AGO - NOVEMBER
Miranda and I spent Thanksgivingat Marley and James’s house in Coleman Creek since my parents had gone on a cruise. Maureen had been laid off at the end of the summer and was living there,using the time to regroup. Miranda bunked with her while I took the third bedroom.
Thanksgiving morning, I stepped out for some fresh air and found Maureen on the front porch. She sat on the top step drinking coffee from a mug that readOn the Naughty List.
“Escaping the kitchen madness?” I asked, sitting down next to her.
“I’ll help in a minute. Just needed a breather before Marley goes full drill sergeant about peeling potatoes and trimming green beans.”
My cheeks lifted. “She has been…rather intense.”
“She’s not usually this bad, so I’m guessing it’s the stress of the holidays, plus the engagement party being in ten days.” Maureen gripped her mug with both hands, staring at it. “Also…I think it’s hitting her that she’s getting married without our mom.”
Maureen’s face remained unreadable, as usual. The only whiff of strong emotion I ever saw from her was the aggressive frown she made whenever anyone mentioned James’s friend Will.
I shifted my position, leaning against the stair rail opposite her. “You know,” I said, “I was looking at some of the old holiday pictures Marley put up in the living room—”
“You mean the North Pole?” Maureen snort-laughed. “Barely December and Marley’s already gone hard on the decorations.”
“I kind of like it.” I chuckled. “What I was going to say was that looking at all those family photos drove home what a special lady your mom was. I know Miranda misses her too. Especially this time of year.”
“You certainly are close with my little sister.”
I didn’t bother downplaying it. “She’s one of my favorite people in the world.”
Maureen’s reply was a keen perusal before she said, “On paper, it’s weird, since you live in different states and you’reolder than her. But when both of you are in the same room, it’s always obvious.”
“What is?”
“That you guys are perfect together.”
My spine went rigid. “You know we’re just friends, right?”
She quirked an eyebrow. “My best friend Bren and I are perfect together too.”
I relaxed my posture. “You’re right.”
Maureen hummed, taking another sip before placing the mug down beside her. “So here’s an interesting story,” she began, resting her elbows on her knees. “I used to have this real woo-woo coworker at one of the retail stores I worked at. Super into spirituality and all that shit. One of her big beliefs was that everyone had a twin soul. She thought the reason for being a good person and treating others well was so the universe would reward you by putting your other half in your path. Otherwise, you’d be condemned to walk the earth always missing a piece of yourself. Always feeling a little…lost.”
I swallowed as my heart beat faster. “And do you believe all that?”
She smirked. “Leo, the only woo-woo shit I believe in is that a good outfit can change your day. As for the rest of it—who knows?”
We sat in silence, her words hanging in the air. Finally, she punched my shoulder before picking up her mug and going back inside the house.
I contemplated our conversation, not entirely sure what she’d been trying to tell me. Did she buy into the idea of twin souls or not? It amazed me that someone like Miranda could have a sister who was a bit of a misanthrope.
When I discovered Stone in Miranda’s apartment, I’d felt something akin to jealousy, knowing he’d had her in a way I never would. At that moment, I’d seen the inevitable heartbreakahead. For both of us. Even if Stone went away, eventually another man would come along who could meet Miranda’s needs.
All her needs.
Could I truly be her other half if I couldn’t give her everything?
For now, it was fine for her to have a casual physical relationship with Stone and an emotionally intimate one with me, but at some point, she’d want the total package. She deserved that. Not for the first time, I wished I could force myself to bemorefor Miranda. It was true I’d felt a twinge here and there, small slivers of awareness I didn’t feel with anyone else. But was that enough to build on?
I knew some ace people had romantic lives and families, but many didn’t. What I didn’t know was exactly what was possible for me.
Once I reached my thirties with no signs of attraction to anyone, I’d resigned myself to a monastic life. And even if I somehow magically developed sexual feelings toward Miranda, there was no guarantee they’d ever grow to the degree that we’d be compatible that way. And I could never ask her to wait around while I figured it out. She was worth so much more than being my…experiment.
