Page 63 of Christmas Crisis
“Wow, you’re like, really mad.” He sounded genuinely baffled. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you this pissed.”
“Can you blame me?”
He scratched his temple like a gorilla. “I dunno, babes. I honestly thought you’d be cool with it. Like you’ve been cool with everything so far.”
Sometimes I thought Stone didn’t understand me at all. Other times—like now—Iknewhe didn’t.
“Just because I haven’t been constantly getting upset with you or re-litigating this decision doesn’t mean I’m just meh or whatever about the whole thing. Constantly raking you over the coals seemed counterproductive, especially since I agreed to this. But I also believe I was clear with you that my patience has a ticking clock. You know full well I’ve been waiting for you and Naomi to break up.”
Maybe I should have expected this, since Stone was correct that I hadn’t pushed back on anything so far. But I meant what I’d just said. Being sulky would have been hypocritical. But now he was breaking our agreement. And he was finding out that I had a lot more bite than he'd realized.
“Stone, I’m not just going to accept this like some docile little animatron. Naomi’s the one who’s your fake girlfriend, remember? I’m youractualgirlfriend—supposedly—and I’m the one who should have a say in our relationship. I can’t believe you talked to Shoshanna about this and agreed without even discussing it with me!”
“Babes, I’m sorry.” He bit his lip, and I knew his regret was genuine. “I feel like a total ass now because it honestly didn’t occur to me that you wouldn’t be fine with it. I know you said so on the beach, but I guess… I guess you’ve just been so chill with everything so far, I didn’t…think.” He leaned closer to his camera, so his face took up almost my entire screen. “I’m just really stuck here. The public loves Naomi and me together, even more than Shoshanna thought they would. The movie is getting good buzz. If we break up right after it releases, it’ll kill the vibe.”
Panic in First Classhadn’t even come out yet, and I was already over it. It was getting great reviews and even some awards chatter, so interest in Stone and Naomi had magnified.
I shifted on the cushions. Part of me couldn’t believe Stone chose to tell me now, a few days before Marley’s wedding. Then again, it shouldn’t have surprised me. Stone had a unique sort of tunnel vision when it came to his career, especially when we were apart. He didn’t mean to be thoughtless. He just couldn’t seem to help himself.
Leo and I had driven straight to Coleman Creek from Las Vegas, and I intended to spend the next few months here, away from all of Stone’s movie premiere craziness. I’d volunteered to watch the dogs while Marley and James went on theirhoneymoon, and I wanted to help Maureen with her new business before I headed back to Los Angeles. I’d accepted a junior marketing manager position that started in September.
The plan had always been for Stone to break up with Naomi in August, when their film’s theatrical run would wind down.
“Why didn’t you wait to tell me until after the wedding? If you’ve already decided, why complicate this for me?”
He had the good grace to look even more uncomfortable. “I guess I didn’t think of it that way. More like, I’m about to get extra busy doing press and traveling and stuff, and I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out.” He patted his hand against his chest.Again with the gorilla motions.“My bad with the timing. That was a dick move.”
“No, Stone,” I hissed, waving my hand at my screen. “The timing is just you being oblivious. The dick move is not sticking to the original plan.” I stared directly at the camera. “I don’t know if I can accept this. If I can keep existing in this…holding pattern.”
He reared back from the screen. “Darlin’, you’re not gonna, like, end it with me, are you? After everything?”
His expression of sheer panic mollified my ego and dulled my anger. A little.
I sighed, calming down and trying to gauge my emotions. I was pissed at Stone for going back on his word, but I also recognized that I hadn’t made this relationship my priority either. My anger didn’t stem from having to face more months of seeing pictures of Stone and Naomi pop up online. It came from not being able to move past this phase. Of our relationship. And my life.
As I saw it, my choices were to stay stuck or break up with him.
It would have been so much easier to walk away if Stone was cheating, lying, or yelling at me. But he wasn’t. He was trying. Constantly reassuring me of his devotion. While it might be less than what I could ultimately settle for, he was trying.
He’d tried to make our arrangement as meaningful as possible—figuring out clandestine travel plans, creating dummy accounts to order food and rideshares, and prioritizing spending time with me whenever he was in town. When he traveled, he sent flowers or gifts that let me know he was thinking about me. He’d bought expensive champagne for Marley’s engagement party and re-posted that video boosting Maureen’s channel. He never got jealous of Leo and trusted me fully even though he didn’t know about Leo’s asexuality.
While I was sure Shoshanna coordinated many of those specifics, she worked under Stone’s direction. And on balance, his efforts far eclipsed mine.
My major contribution to our relationship over the past six months had been putting up with his shit with Naomi.
But that didn’t mean I had to let him take me for granted.
Biting my lip, I gritted out, “I honestly don’t know, Stone. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.” At his crestfallen face, I hurried to add, “But I don’t want to make any decisions yet. I’m about to get busy with the wedding and its aftermath, and you’ve got the movie. Let’s just take this time until we’re both back in LA to breathe and think things over.”
He looked sheepish. “Darlin', I’m really sorry. I know this is hard on you, and I promise I wouldn’t do it if Shoshanna hadn’t insisted that it’s the exact right thing.” His gaze deepened, and the Stone I thought I could maybe love someday appeared on the other side of the screen. “But just so you know, this is going to be your decision. There’s nothing to think about on my end. I want to be with you. Full stop. I get that dating me feels like it comes with a lot of conditions, including hiding away like thieves. And maybe I’m wrong asking you to put up with all of it. But that's what I'm doing. Even if it makes me a selfish bastard. Because this thing with Naomi won’t be forever. How about I tell Shoshanna that I’m done by the end of the year? No matterwhat. Then you and I can be out in the open.” When I didn’t rush to either agree or stop him, he plowed ahead. “When we first got together, it was already a weird time for both of us, right? @theadventurousmiranda meets Stone, the internet dumbfuck. But a year from now, I want us to be Miranda Davis, marketing genius, and her movie actor boyfriend, Stone Caseman. We just have to ride through this rough stretch a little longer.”
He made it sound so simple. And the words showed how much he cared. But in my heart, I knew I wasn’t as all-in as he was.
He didn’t realize that he’d fallen harder for me than I had for him. But I’d realized it. It was the reason I’d stayed in this as long as I had.
Because if I truly, truly cared for Stone, I’d never have allowed him to treat me this way.
I exhaled. “I promise to think about everything you’ve said. That’s the best I can do. And I don’t want this to ruin the amazing journey you’re about to go on with your movie coming out. I want you to enjoy it, since I witnessed how hard you worked for it. Let’s put this conversation on ice for now. We’re cool to text or whatever until we’re both back in LA, but nothing heavy.”
