Page 79 of Christmas Crisis
I took a deep breath. Gathered my coat at my chest.
“Stone, I wanted to be in person to have this conversation, and this wasn’t the way I planned to do it, but you’ve kind of forced my hand here.” My knuckles turned white as I gripped my lapels. “I think we’re done.”
He blinked. “Huh? … Wait, what?”
“I’m going to see this latest PR scheme through, help you with all that, but you and I are over.”
He slow-blinked again and put a hand on his hip, arching like I’d struck him in the gut. Sweeping his other hand through his hair, he scrunched his forehead.
“I don’t understand, Miranda. What the fuck happened?Over?We were fine, like, five days ago when we talked.”
“Keep your voice down. As far as my sister and her husband know, we’re just friends, so try not to let on that we’re breaking up out here.” I kept my coat pinched around me as he began pacing. “And for the record, we weren’t fine. We haven’t been fine in a while.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m so confused about what is even going on right now.” He moved his hands to the sides of his head before fanning them out in themind blowngesture.
Even in his anger, he was still pretty cute. I remained firm in my conviction that Stone was a good guy. He just wasn’t the guy for me. “Stone, I wanted to wait until after all this was over, after the holidays. But since you’re standing right in front of me, I don’t think it can wait. I don’t have it in me to pretend one more thing.”
“How long have you been planning to break up with me?”
I sighed. “After the summer, I tried to let myself be open to not ending things, but I’ve known since Halloween.”
“Halloween? That’s more than a month ago. And you didn’t say anything?”
“Like I said, by the time I’d firmed it up in my mind, you’d already left for Vancouver. And I really do care for you, so Iwasn’t going to just send you some lame breakup text or do it when I know you’re trying to concentrate on work. I didn’t see any harm in waiting. And then everything happened with me posting the picture, so again, I put it on the back burner.”
“Butnowis your moment? When I just drove from fucking Canada to see you!”
“Shhh,” I hissed.
“Sorry.” He held up his hands, and I knew his contrition was genuine. “But, darlin’, I’m reeling here. I thought we were good. Solid.”
“If you think about it, I bet you’ll see. We were solid—in our way. But we were fooling ourselves to imagine we could survive long-term. Relationships don’t work just because two people are companionable, or because it’s convenient. I need more for myself and—”
“Fine. If that’s what you need, I can do more. Be in town more. I would have done that if I’d known things weren’t okay with you.”
He really was sweet. But not quite sweet enough.
“I believe you. And you’re right that I was okay with it for a long time. And maybe that should have told you something.” He started to speak, but I stopped him. “Hear me out. When you’re ready to truly fall in love with someone, you’re going to want it to be with a woman who gets a little more upset when you’re gone so much. Or when you forget to call. Or when you cancel plans. Or when you fake date America’s Sweetheart and get photographed with her while you ask your real girlfriend to hide away and keep quiet about everything. Trust me when I say that you’ll want someone who would care way more than I did about being a part-time girlfriend. Or maybe you can find another person who wants to be a part-time girlfriend so you can stay focused on your career. But I’m not her anymore.”
He dragged a hand over his face. “I can change.”
“No. Even if I believed that, you shouldn’t have to. Not for this. Not for me. What we have together, as sad as it is to say, isn’t worth that.”
I didn’t bring it into the conversation, but I knew what was missing with Stone. How my thoughts and mind gravitated toward Leo. Leo was the one I wanted to talk to, the one whose opinion mattered. Even now, in the middle of breaking up with the man I’d supposedly been dating for over a year, part of my brain remained on the discussion with Leo that had gotten interrupted.
Stone slumped down onto the porch swing, and I sat next to him. “A part of me knew,” he admitted. “When you weren’t answering my texts or picking up my calls… That’s why I got in the car. I couldn’t not know anymore.”
“Sorry for not replying. That was petty.” Grasping his hand in my own, I laid my head on his shoulder. “But we’ve had a wonderful ride. I’m grateful I met you that day on the beach. Being with you taught me a lot about what I want from a relationship.”
He chuffed. “You mean it taught you I’m not what you want.”
I squeezed his hand. “No. We’ve had plenty of fun, and I don’t have any regrets about being with you.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I mused on how fitting it was to have such a quiet end to our relationship. I wouldn’t call our breakup dignified—it couldn’t be when Stone wore a beanie with aYour Mom Says Hipatch on it—but it was soft. Unsurprisingly, the romance we’d never brought into the light floated away into the darkness, almost like it never existed at all.
“Was any of it real?” he asked quietly. “I really thought—I just…I really like the way you see me, the way we are with each other.”
I gazed fondly at him. “Our bond is real, Stone. It’s just not the love connection we’ve been pretending it is. And we don’t have to lose that. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to stay friends.”
