Page 71 of Sweethearts and Savages
Two long, silent days later, I dropped the girl and all her new stuff at a long-term apartment in Missoula. We barely spoke, but it was better that way. I watched as she dragged all her newly acquired shit out of the car, staring at me intently. “I don’t even know your name,” she said softly, the first thing she’d said to me in a full forty-eight hours that wasn’t a request like “I need to pee.” I’d gotten more conversation out of the baby.
Still, I shook my head. “It’s better that way. Stay safe.” I hesitated. “If you need help, you know how to find me.”
“You saved my life. Our lives,” she whispered, and what could I say to that?
“It was nothing.” Bullshit, and we both knew it.
She nodded, picking up the carseat and dragging it to the door of her accommodation. While we hadn’t spoken much over the last two days, the silence in the car had at least been friendly. As she disappeared through the doors, I finally pulled away from the gutter.
This had been a diversion, but maybe it was also a sign. What were the chances I’d picked up the one migrant who didn’t want to go to LA, who instead wanted to go all the way to the freaking mountains of Montana, putting me closer to Enit and…
Shit, I knew who it was. The Mole. It slapped me in the face with its obviousness and I swore so loudly that pedestrians side-eyed me.
The need to get to Enit became overwhelming. She was in danger, and I had to get there in time or finally pay for the sins of my past.
36
Frost
Sin. It was something I knew all too well. According to the church my parents had forced me to attend as a child, we were all sinners. Doomed to Hell, in repatriation for the sins of all mankind. Hell, if we were talking about all mankind, I was probably the worst, especially in the eyes of my parent’s church. Not just because I lusted after a man, which according to them was a horrific act. No, if they knew I lusted after an abomination too, they’d have me flagellated for my transgressions.
I’d seen it happen once when I was ten. They’d flayed the skin off the man’s back when he’d had the gall to say that perhaps we were the abominations.
I’d agreed with him then, but kept my words trapped behind my teeth. Still, my flagellation would come later, and it wouldn’t be at the end of a whip.
The words that had faced me when I’d finally been able to access the secure server were burned behind my eyelids.
Do something or we will.
“Frost, are you okay?”
I looked over at Enit at the other end of Stacey’s couch. She had her toes tucked under my thighs and her fluffy sweater had rolled up to show off a sliver of her midriff. I gave her a tight smile and prayed she couldn’t scent my guilt. “All good.” I squeezed her calf and went back to watch the British baking show on TV. Apparently, her parents owned a bakery, which meant Enit knew her way around a cake. So she tutted when someone put too much baking powder in, or didn’t layer their puff pastry the right way.
I understood none of it, but I enjoyed watching her watch the show. Bohdie re-emerged from the kitchen with two more beers, passing me one. Stacey was still at the lab, but she should be home any minute. “Look at that rough extrusion. If you’re going to make such a mess of the piping, just slather it on like a four-year-old baking with their granny,” he sledged, and I laughed.
Enit lifted her head so she could put it on his lap, but she slapped him in the chest for his troubles.
“Shush. They’re trying, and that's what counts.”
I snorted. “If the top of that cake cracks any further, they’re going to lose the hosts down the chasm,” I added.
Bohdie and I had decided that if we were going to watch cooking shows, we were going to treat them like competitive sports. We picked teams, heckled performances. Honestly, it was the most fun I’d ever had.
I knew that despite it being summer holidays, they returned to the Academy every day for me. They easily could have stayed in Dark River, and I knew that Enit had been pestering Stacey to have some time off, but every day they came back here to make sure I wasn’t alone.
Being with these guys, Stace included, was like being a part of something I’d never had. Family. Community. Safety. Fuck, the only other person who’d ever made me feel like they cared was Kell, and I couldn’t track him down anywhere. Apparently, he’d taken my lessons on how to stay off the grid to heart. But I knew he’d turn up again eventually. Enit had that draw and if I knew my friend, he’d be helpless to resist.
I wasn’t sure if I wished for him to turn up right now, or never. That conflicted feeling raced down my spine again, and Enit frowned at me.
She sat up, shifting toward me until she was sitting on my lap, her arms wrapped around my neck. She laid her head on my chest and I buried my nose in her hair.
“It’s okay, Frost. I’ll talk to everyone, make them see that you aren’t a threat. Then you can leave if you want.”
I froze at her words, but swallowed hard. She didn’t know how fucking wrong she was. “What if I don’t want to leave?” Let her think that was the only reason I was tense.
She looked over at Bohdie, who tilted his head. “Then you stay here with us.”
As simple as that. They just accepted me, despite my past. My heart shattered and I forced a smile, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tightly to me.
