Page 10 of The Biker's Second Chance
If there’s a twinge of envy at her pregnant belly, I don’t let it show. I’ve had practice at keeping my regret to myself.
When I swore off men, I knew the decision I was making. I’ll never be a mother. But there are enough babies around the clubhouse these days that I can be the cool aunt who spoils them rotten.
Sometimes when I watch Valentine or Scarlett breastfeeding, looking down at their babies with such wonder, I feel a yearning so deep in my belly that I almost can’t breathe and have to leave the room. But everyone has disappointments in life. I don't let mine show.
We take our fish and chips and walk past the marina and over the rocks to the sand dunes. Sean tells me about his mother and Ireland and the business they were running. He still has the power to make me laugh with anecdotes about being chased by angry goats when he was hiding out in a field once.
We take a seat amidst the dunes and unfold the newspaper that holds the fish and chips. They're nice and greasy, the batter crunchy at the edges just the way I like them.
It doesn’t take long to polish off the fish and pick our way through the chips.
“You know why I left,” says Sean, suddenly turning serious. “You know why I had to go so suddenly and why I couldn't take you with me, don’t you, Gina?”
I know the whole story. It was a tough time for the club. There was trouble with The Reapers, and they were out for retaliation. A body was found with Sean’s DNA all over it. It was planted by the Reapers, but we had no way to prove it.
We got a tip-off from the police chief, who's an old school friend of Bruno's. The cops were coming to arrest Sean, and with the false evidence stacked against him, it didn’t look good. He was looking at a life sentence.
The club smuggled him out before the police turned up.
Sean had to skip the country. He’s been hiding in Ireland under a false name and passport, pretending to be an employee of his mother’s business, not her son.
Recently, Bruno was finally able to provide enough evidence to prove who had really committed the murder.
The charges were finally dropped against Sean, meaning he could return to the States without fear.
I know he had no choice except to leave. But it didn't make it hurt any less.
“I would have gone with you, Sean,” I tell him now. “I would have followed you anywhere.”
It feels easy talking to him like this, in the past tense, as if it’s a different girl I’m talking about, and in a way it is.
“I know, love. But the Reapers were out to get me. They've got a branch in Ireland. It was too dangerous. I went from safe house to safe house for a long time. I wanted you there, Gina, you have to believe me. But I couldn't put your life in danger. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, leaving like that without saying goodbye. Bruno promised to explain it to you. And I thought with the letters… I don't know what I thought…”
He trails off and I look out to the ocean, thinking about all the things that might have been.
“It doesn't matter now, Sean. It’s in the past.”
“But I want to apologize, Gina. I never said I'm sorry. That matters to me.”
He takes my hands in his. It's not often that Sean gets serious, and when he does it’s intense. He’s looking at me now pleading for forgiveness.
I search my heart. I understand why he left that way; I really do. It’s what came after that still hurts, but that’s not his fault.
“I forgive you, Sean.”
He smiles sadly, and I wonder if he’s thinking about how our lives could have been if he’s stayed.
“Remember how we used to come out here in the dunes?” A wicked glint comes into his eyes. “That night you were knocking back the whiskey.”
I snort laugh at him, all indignant. “I was not. I remember you were knocking it back. I was trying to stop you.”
“Well, someone drunk a whole hipflask, and I’m sure it wasn’t just me.”
We used to lay a blanket down in the dunes and talk about the cottage we’d buy by the ocean and the family we’d fill it with. Then we’d make love under the stars.
The memory makes me flush with heat.
We were reckless in those days, careless. Driving after a few drinks, making love without protection. I thought Sean would be here forever.
