Page 16 of A SEAL's Heart
He doesn’t respond, and I squirm under his gaze for two sharp breaths before I remember why I came. “I bought you a housewarming present.”
I hold up the peace lily, needing to put something between us. I’m not sure if Ed was always this intense or if his silence makes him more so.
He doesn’t move, and I wonder if he’s going to continue being an ass like he was at our first therapy session.
“Can I come in?” If he wants to be an ass, he’ll have to communicate his ass-ery. I won’t let him be rude by default of his silence.
He steps away from the door, and I take that as a sign to enter.
The place is exactly how I remember it. Jake’s coat hangs by the door, and his old sneakers that he wore around the garden are by the doorway. The heel is pushed down as if he’s just toed them off.
My hand goes to my mouth as pain erupts in my chest.
The grief strikes me, and my knees go weak. I put a hand out to steady myself on the wall, but instead I find Ed. He’s suddenly beside me with an arm around my shoulders, propping me up. With his other arm he takes the plant off me and places it on the entrance table. Then he guides me to the living room and onto the sofa. Jake’s sofa, with his old Navy sweater thrown over the back.
Nothing has changed. Ed may have moved in, but nothing has changed since Jake was here.
A sob erupts from my chest and rattles my body.
I’ve learned grief is like this. It hits you out of nowhere. All I can do is ride the tsunami of pain as it crashes over me, battering me against the rocks of my heartache.
I let the emotions come out in huge body-shaking sobs. Ed pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. Through my sobs, I notice the steady beat of his heart and the smooth rhythm of his palm as it moves in circles over my back.
My breathing slows to match his, and the waves of grief subside.
Ed’s silence is reassuring. And as the grief ebbs away, embarrassment sets in. I came over to check in on him, to make sure he wasn’t suffering alone. I’m not supposed to break down in front of him.
My tears turn to sniffles, and Ed grabs a tissue out of his pocket. He tilts my chin up to face him and dabs the tissue over my tear-stained cheeks.
I must look hideous with puffy eyes and tears streaking down my cheeks. I try to turn my head away, but Ed captures my chin in his palm. His gaze finds mine, and he fixes me with a compassionate but stern expression as he gently wipes away the tears.
It’s an intimate gesture, and my heartbeat races as his breath warms my face.
I take the tissue from him sit back on the couch. “Sorry.”
He frowns and shakes his head.
I don’t need his words to understand what he’s saying. He doesn’t want me to apologize. But I want to explain.
“I didn’t expect to see all of Jake’s things.” I blow my nose in a less than ladylike fashion, but I’ve just sobbed on his shoulder and he’s wiped away my tears. I’m beyond trying to be ladylike. “It just hit me. You know?”
Ed nods, and his sad expression tells me he does know. He must feel it too. Which reminds me why I’m here.
“I wanted to check and see if you were settling in okay.” He sits back on the couch, but one hand remains on my arm. I like the warmth coming from him. It’s comforting.
“We’re just across the road. I moved back into my old room when I got back from college. Just until I can get some money together to find a place…”
I trail off, because I have money now. I have Jake’s investments. I could put down a deposit on a home, or I could pay off my student debt, or I could keep investing it for retirement. I squeeze my fingers into my forehead, because that’s too much to think about right now.
Ed squeezes my arm, and I glance up at him. He gets off the couch and goes into the kitchen. I wonder if I should follow him, but he comes back with his notepad and a pen.
He scribbles something and holds it up for me to read.
You can have the house.
I put my hands over my chest and shake my head. I don’t know why Jake left Ed the house, but it was his wish and I respect that.
“No.” I shake my head. “That’s not what I meant. I wouldn’t leave Mom and Dad right now anyway.”
