Page 107 of Broken By Silence
The best sound I’ve ever heard.
But Luke… Luke didn’t get a second chance.
The guilt is a scar I can’t stop picking at. “Hey,” a soft voice says behind me. I turn, and Lottie is there, in one of my shirts, hair still damp from her shower. She smiles, but it’s small. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie, too fast.
She walks closer, stopping just close enough that I can smell that she used my shower gel. “You’re thinking about what day it is.”
I nod, eyes dropping to the floor. “Yeah.”
She rests her hand against my arm, her eyes flicking to my phone that’s still unlocked. “Thomas texted.”
“Mmhmm.”
“You’re going right?”
I hesitate.
I want to say no. I want to stay here with her, hide from the ghosts that have been gnawing at me since I woke up, but I owe it to Luke.
To the men we were deployed with.
To myself.
“Thomas said partners can come,” I add, voice rough.
“Then I’m coming with you.”
I look at her then. Really look. Life has felt so chaotic right now that I feel like I’ve barely been able to see her. She’s standing there barefoot in my shirt, collar slipping off one shoulder, damp strands of hair stuck to her neck. There’s no trace of makeup, no trace of the girl I pulled out of the waves.
She’s here. Warm, soft, and alive.
But her eyes… those are what get me because they carry the same heaviness I feel.
“It’s your birthday,” I remind her. “You should be here celebrating, not having to spend it at something like this.”
Her mouth curves, but it’s sad. “It hasn’t been my birthday for a long time, Archer.”
Something in my chest twists. I knew this, but it still guts me. “Lottie?—”
She shakes her head before I can go on, wrapping her arm around herself like she’s cold. “I stopped celebrating it after that night. It didn’t feel right… I didn’t feel right. How do you celebrate being alive when someone else didn’t make it? I changed my name. I got to live because you saved me, but I tried to kill myself…” Her voice cracks a little on that last word, and it kills me.
“Lottie, that wasn’t your fault,” I promise, pulling her into my arms.
“I know,” she replies quickly. “I know. But still, every year when it comes around, I think of the way you looked that night. The water, the cold, the relief that was on your face when I opened my eyes… but I also remember the guilt, the absolutely shattered look on your face when you got the call that Luke was gone. I remember it all too clearly, and it doesn’t feel like something you put candles on a cake for.” She lets out a breath that sounds tired. “So now I celebrate a month later. That’s my birthday. The day I started living again. The day I stopped wanting to die.”
That silence after her words… God, it’s deafening.
My hands settle on her waist. “You deserve every celebration there is,” I murmur. “You deserve the whole damn world, Lottie.”
She tilts her chin up, eyes glistening. “Claire’s made sure the others know I’m not celebrating in case they got any ideas. So, I’m coming with you and we’re going to celebrate Luke because that’s what we both need to do.”
Her hand slides down, fingers finding mine. It’s such a small thing, that touch, but it grounds me. I let out a long breath and nod. “Okay.”
Thomas pickeda bar that wasn’t too far. A quiet place by the harbor where the ocean wind stings your face. The drive there feels longer than it should. My hands are tight around the wheel, and Lottie rests her hand on my thigh, thumb brushing over the rough fabric of my jeans every few seconds, like she’s reminding me she’s here, reminding me to breathe.
The sky’s already shifting to that dull, steel grey, looking like it’s going to rain. The place Thomas picked isn’t flashy. A quiet pub tucked against the edge of the water, old wood, brass light fixtures, and the faint smell of salt, whiskey, and cheap beer.
