Page 40 of Broken By Silence
‘How to fix your inner sad boy and stop being a pussy.’
I flip through the first book. There are cartoons of stick figures being taught how to apologise. It is childish and perfect.
Chapter 16
Crew
Istare at Lottie’s seashell collection, all neatly lined up just like she used to do when we were kids. There are more now, rarer ones mixed in with the simple shells she used to gather at the beach with her dad.
Lottie looks up from her laptop, finally. She’s been writing an essay for one of her classes about reef ecology, and I’ve been sitting here patiently waiting for her to be done. Not that I’ve minded. The silence between us has felt… comforting.
“What are you doing?” she asks, tilting her head quizically.
“Reminicising mostly,” I pick one up, one of her newer ones. “I don’t remember these being part of the collection before.”
Lottie closes her laptop and stands, stepping closer until I can smell the faint trace of Oscar’s shower gel on her skin. She hesitates, then gently takes the shell from me and sets it back in its exact spot, just like she used to when we were little, correcting every misplaced piece.
“Those are from Archer. Whenever he was deployed overseas, or even if he was docked up, he would look for a new one. Said it was about the old me and the new me merging.”
“He was… is so obsessed with you,” I chuckle. “How on earth did you never see it?”
Lottie shrugs. “I felt like I was too broken to love.” Her fingers glide over the ridges of one of the old ones. “Plus, I never wanted to lose what they all gave me.”
“A family?”
“That. A fresh start. A home… Hope.”
I link my fingers with hers. “Is there room for more?”
She blinks, brow furrowing slightly. “More?”
“More hope? Is there room for more?” I nudge one of the newer shells —a dark-spotted cowrie. “Is there any hope for me to come home?”
She doesn’t answer right away. Her teeth catch on her lip as she stares at the shells, like she’s somewhere else. “Yeah, I think there is.”
I gather her in my arms, basking in how warm she feels. My heart pounds like a teenager about to ask a girl to the prom… not that I ever did. The only girl I wanted to go with was her, and the idea of going with anyone else was inconceivable.
I take a deep breath and force the words out. “Do you want to go somewhere with me? Just us. No one else, just me and you. Like… a date.”
She pulls back, her eyebrows lift, surprise flickering across her face. “A date?”
I nod, trying to be casual about this but failing miserably. “Yeah. Some food. Me making bad jokes. Pretending we’re normal for a few hours, and that a crazy maniac isn’t out there after us. What do you think?”
There’s a pause, long enough to make my lungs ache from holding my breath. She studies me like I’m a riddle, like she’s waiting for the part where I pull the rug out from under her. But then, a miracle of miracles, she huffs out a laugh and nods. “Okay.”
Hope flares in my chest so hard it almost hurts, and a batshit crazy plan forms in my head.
After huntingdown a shop that would sell me an empty jewellery box, we finally got to the beach. Roman and Elijah are tagging along.
Roman has strict orders from Claire to sit on the sand and not move.
The tide’s low when we arrive. I wade in until the water laps at my knees, scanning the shallows for it. My eyes dart between the rippling light and the shifting sand below.
Roman sits a bit away, arms crossed, unimpressed. “You know she’ll still go on this date with you if you don’t find a seashell, right?”
“It’s not the point,” I mutter. “She’s kept her whole collection all this time, but the ones I gave her are gone. I want another chance, and this is how I really prove it.”
“How on earth are you going to find it? You said it was rare, right?” Elijah toes at the sand as if it’s personally offended him. “You’ve been at this for an hour. I can’t even feel my ankles anymore just looking at you in the water.”
