Page 92 of False Start
Zhanna: I hate you. I wish I’d never met you.
Bryant: Baby.
Bryant: Are you okay?
Zhanna: No.
Bryant: I’m calling Zina.
Zhanna: No!
Zhanna: I kissed another man tonight, and I hate you because I couldn’t enjoy it. I’ve never loved someone the way I loved you.
Bryant: I’m calling.
I jump when the phone rings.
“Who is calling you at this hour?” Zina asks.
I answer. “I hate you. I hope you die a slow, painful death.”
“Jesus,” Zina replies, and then she leans over closer to the phone. “Hey, B!”
“Hey, Zina!” my ex says in my ear.
“I’m hanging up.”
“No! Please don’t.”
“I kissed another man,” I admit.
I swear I can hear his jaw grind through the phone. “Zhanna, please don’t do something you’ll regret.”
“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?”
He sighs. “Yes, baby, I would. But since… since that night, I haven’t touched anyone but you and my hand. Also, I’m telling you that going to the place where it’s numb and everyone is smiling is not the answer. I would also know all about that.”
“He was a good kisser.”
He growls. “Are you trying to piss me off and make me jealous, because it’s working!”
I don’t reply, but instead play the scene with Dalton over in my head again. What was so wrong with him? I can’t put my finger on any one thing that turned me off.
“Zhanna?”
“What?” I snap.
“I love you.”
“I can’t,” I say and nearly choke on my emotions like I do every time he tells me.
“I know,” he confesses. It’s all I can do to kiss him now, and the act took some time for me to fall back into. I sure as hell can’t tell him I love him. “But I love you just the same.”
— 32 —
Then
MY HAND RESTS ON the door to the Country club for a moment too long. I think of turning around and heading back to Louisiana where I belong, but I came all this way. I received an invitation for a sweet guy we went to college with, Amos Terry, who also played on the university’s team with Bryant. While I was never close to his wife, I helped rehab a particularly grisly injury for him when he followed Bryant from college to the Spartans. He swears I saved his knee, but Amos did all the hard work. I couldn’t say no to the invitation, because he’s alway been such a kind person.
