Page 81 of The Ballad of Us
“I've got venues interested, promotions lined up, and three different media outlets wanting exclusive interviews about your recovery story. This is bigger than just the music, Gray. You're a redemption narrative that people are hungry for. We need Rhea on board, too. We can spin this whole second-chance story where love wins and all that jazz.”
He wants me for my fucking redemption narrative. The words sting, turning my journey into a sales pitch. This was my biggest fear when recording again. I don’t want my struggles to become a marketing tool. I set boundaries with Marcus and the team early, sharing only what I’m comfortable with. Standing up for myself is hard, but it keeps my story honest and protected.
“Marcus, I need time to think about this?—”
“We don’t have time. I need your answer by Friday. The window closes then.” He disconnects the line.
After he hangs up, I stand in Rhea's kitchen holding my phone and feel like the walls are closing in. Duke senses my distress because he presses against my leg with the kind of steady comfort that only dogs seem to understand how to give.
This should be everything I ever wanted - chart success and a major tour. Yet, instead of pride, I feel a rising sense of entrapment. The good news now feels like a threat, like the moment my dream is at risk of becoming a nightmare.
I'm still standing there when Rhea emerges from the bedroom, her hair tousled and her eyes soft with sleep.
“Everything okay?” She clocks my tension instantly.
“The label wants us to tour. Major tour. Starting in eight weeks.”
She's quiet for a moment, processing this information as she starts the coffee maker with the automatic efficiency of a woman who has worked in the coffee shop for a while. “How do you feel about that?”
It's such a perfectly Rhea question. She doesn’t ask what I'm going to do or how this affects her, but how I feel about it. After years of being with a person who prioritizes my emotional well-being, I've forgotten how rare that truly is.
“Terrified, and guilty, even though this is supposed to be good for the band,” I admit, though it’s not easy.
“Success is still scary, even sober,” she murmurs, wrapping me in her arms. “What, exactly, scares you?”
I lean into her embrace. “Everything. Being away from you, from here, and from my support system terrifies me. The pressure, spotlight, and travel are grueling. You know, all the things that used to make me drink.” I remember the clink of minibar bottles in hotel rooms, and the lonely silence after shows that made escape seem like the only option.
“And what excites you about it?” Trust Rhea to ask the question I haven't even allowed myself to consider.
“Sharing the music with people, playing these new songs live, and proving that sobriety doesn't mean the end of ambition.” I want those things, too.
“So, it's complicated.”
“Everything important is complicated.”
We drink our coffee in comfortable silence, watching the village wake up through her living room window. Mrs. Chen is already opening her Ink & Embers Bookshop, and I can see Leslie on his front porch watering his plants with the kind of focused attention he brings to everything.
“Talk to Leslie. I think he’s one of the wisest and most subjective people I’ve ever met.”
An hour later, I'm sitting on Leslie's front porch with a fresh cup of coffee and the feeling that I'm about to confess to my priest. Leslie has that effect on people, it’s his eccentric combination of genuine wisdom and living outside of the box that makes you want to tell him everything.
“So, the prodigal son returns to temptation,” Leslie says after I explain the situation, settling into his wicker chair with the dramatic flair he brings to everything. “How biblical of your record label.”
“I don't know what to do, Leslie. This could be huge for our career, but...”
“But you're afraid it'll kill you.”
Leslie’s bluntness jolts me. “Yeah. Exactly.”
“Suga Bear, let me tell you a story.” Leslie adjusts his perfectly pressed slacks and takes on the tone of someone about to dispense hard-won wisdom. “Ten years ago, I was the hottest interior designer in New Orleans. I was booked solid, featured in magazines, and celebrities were flying me to New York and LA for consultations. I was making more money than I knew what to do with, and I was miserable.”
“What happened?”
“I had what the professionals call a nervous breakdown and what I call a moment of clarity. All that success came from me saying yes to everything, being available to everyone, and never having a moment to figure out what I wanted.” He sips his coffee thoughtfully. “So, I ask you this—what do you really want deep down in your soul?”
“I want to make music. I want to share these songs with people. But I also want to keep what I've built here.”
“And who says you can't have both?” He lifts a brow, challenging me to face my black-and-white mindedness.
