Page 76 of Discovery of the Vampire
And I'd fallen for it completely, like the attention starved idiot that I am.
My insides churned as I started pacing. What afuckingfool I was. She'd practically stalked me, for Christ's sake. And not the way a normal woman—witch or not—was attracted to a vampire. I’d seen the red flags when she kept coming back to The Purple Fang, refusing to take no for an answer. When she conveniently showed up at Lizzy's shop looking for a job. When she somehow knew exactly what I was. I’d seen the red flags, but I’d ignored them.
I should've fucked with her head as soon as she started getting too curious, instead of humoring her questions because I liked the way my entire body buzzed with electricity whenever she was within twelve feet of me.
She’d known what she was doing all along. She'd been working with Marcus from the fucking start.
The thought of her in my bed, of her blood in my veins, made me want to flay my own skin off. Slice my wrists and drain myself dry. I'd told hereverything, made her my mate, bound myself to her in ways that couldn't be undone. And this whole time, she'd been planning...what? To hand us over to Marcus? To help him destroy us?
The taste of betrayal was bitter in my mouth. Worse than dying of thirst, worse than the memory of the cult elder's belt on my back.
Because I'dchosento trust her. I'dchosento believe her.
And the worst part? I was a fucking mess over it.
"And now I'm well and truly fucked," I concluded, dragging my hand through my hair. "As you were so happy to point out, she's my mate now, Killian. The bond is complete. I can't undo that."
Killian rubbed his thigh, his old tell when he was troubled. "The bond does complicate things."
I laughed bitterly. "You think?"
His head suddenly whipped toward the hallway, tilting to the side. "But if she truly means to betray us, yer instincts would have warned ye," he said distractedly as Lizzy entered the room.
Her eyes shot back and forth between the two of us as she put the tea kettle on to boil. She gave me a smile, which grew warmer when she looked at Killian, then gestured to Wiggles to follow her to the backdoor so she could take him outside.
I stood up and went into the kitchen to get out of the way of the door, staring at the granite countertop on the island as Killian watched her leave. I wanted to believe what he said, but doubt gnawed at me. "What if the mate bond overrode everything else? What if I was too...distracted to notice?"
Reluctantly, Killian turned his attention back to me once Lizzy and her old pup were outside. He hated her being outside in the sun alone, even if it was just in our back courtyard. "What are they telling ye now?"
I didn't know what they were telling me. I couldn't feel anything outside of the fear and betrayal rolling within me. "They're telling me I should've just let myself burn on the way back from the cemetery, because it would've been easier than slowly starving to death."
Pain shot through my skull as Killian's anger flooded through me.
"If ye don't stop with that kind of talk, I'll throw ye out there myself," he threatened.
Holding my hands up in surrender, I apologized. "Sorry."
His anger fled as quickly as it came on. “Brogan. It’ll be all right, lad.”
“Not sure you’re right about that this time,” I told him.
* * *
Twelve hours later, I paced the room like a caged beast, each minute stretching longer than the last. Esme still hadn't returned to the house, and all of my calls, and Lizzy’s, went directly to voicemail. Was she with Marcus? Were they looking for that fucking book?
Maybe I was jumping to conclusions. Maybe I had this all wrong. Esme could’ve been talking to Alice about anything. They were probably trying to figure out a way to find the book before Marcus did, or maybe Judy had changed her mind about the coven helping us and sent Alice to tell Esme.
But why the hell would they be sneaking around if any one of those scenarios were true? No. If Esme was on our side, she’d answer her goddamn phone.
The worst part was knowing that I’d been right all along. There was no saving my soul after becoming this monster. There was no redemption for me. Why else would God have chosen Esme as my mate? A woman who didn’t care about me. Abrujawho lied and manipulated me to get what she wanted.
The elders were right, and it was nothing less than I deserved. There was no forgiveness for me here on this earth, but perhaps there’d be some in the next.
The sun finally dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with shades of crimson and violet, and there was still no sign of Esme. I walked over to the window and pulled the curtains aside, looking out at the street as the shadows lengthened with the last rays of sunlight. Maybe I should go back to the graveyard. Retrace her steps. I let the curtain fall again and paced away from the warmth of the dying sun.
There was a knock at the front door. Pulling the curtain aside again, I saw Alice Moss standing on our doorstep. Anger rose up inside of me, swift and brutal. Esme wasn’t with her.
"Are ye gonna let her in? Or are ye just gonna stand there peering at her from the window?" Killian strode across the front room and unlocked the door, then opened it wide, avoiding the final rays of sun.
