Page 24 of Abigail
***
Abigail begins to shake violently as she recalls her memories. This is going to be harder than she expected. Robert takes her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. “Just look at me, Abigail. Tell me what happened, okay? Don’t think about anyone else, just me, all right?” She nods at him and grips his wrists tightly, her knuckles turning white with the pressure.
“I should never have been with Todd. I was young and desperate for someone to love me. He was nice in the beginning, but it wasn’t long before he started saying mean things, shoving me, hitting me. I should have left, but I didn’t have anyone else or anywhere to go.” Tears rolling down her face, she momentarily loosens her grip to swipe them away. “I know it was stupid on my part. Abusers never change, but in my defense, it’s all I’d ever known. Every time things got violent, he would apologize, beg for my forgiveness, and for a while, he would be kind, better. At least enough that I would actually believe he was going to change—” Abigail pauses as she runs through her memories.
***
Todd isn’t physically abusive at first, but there are subtle signs of what is to come. Looking back, she can see them now, clear as day. As the old saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. He’s made little comments about how small she is and how easily he can hold her down. He makes rude comments about her body. Her butt is huge, or her breasts are tiny. If she says anything about his comments, he acts as if he is only joking. He tells her she is just overly sensitive and can’t take a joke. The longer they are together the worse things get. He tells her she is homely looking and how lucky she is to be with him. No one else will have her for anything more than a piece of ass.
When their relationship moves to a sexual level, which for Abi happens sooner than she’s comfortable with, he refuses to use a condom. He shames her into allowing him to take her bare. He tells her he is clean; she is on birth control so what is the problem? He accuses her of not trusting him and makes her feel like she is wrong for wanting to use protection. She gets an STD after they begin having sex. Again, he blames her. He accuses her of cheating on him. This is their first fight that turns physical. It is first time he lays hands on her, but won’t be the last. Later he apologizes and promises it will never happen again. She stupidly forgives him, just as her mother or one of her father’s many girl friends had always done after one of her father’s fits. It’s all she’s ever known
This pattern happens over and over again. Abi sees she has fallen into the same type situation she’d fled as a teenager and decides she needs to get away from Todd and start over somewhere else, but she has no money. Todd controls everything, even her pay checks. She makes plans to leave and begins saving money. However, her escape is not to be, at least not right away.
Over the next few months, she secretly saves a good amount of money and is ready to move out. She discovers she is pregnant. She had been on antibiotics, and the health professional she’d seen didn’t tell her the antibiotic would decrease the effectiveness of her birth control.
***
Robert places a kiss on her forehead, drawing her out of her memories.
“Go on sweetheart,” he encourages her. “You’re doing great.” She nods and sighs heavily.
“I never meant to get pregnant. I was on birth control, but Todd refused to use condoms. I had gotten sick and was on antibiotics. The OB/GYN said that’s why my birth control failed. Todd was furious at first, but then he warmed up to the idea. He went on and on about there being a Jenkins career Navy man for five generations. He was over the moon that we were having a baby before his brother, Dean. He’d been certain we were having a boy. Then his son would be the next career Navy, and Todd’s father would finally love him more than his perfect brother. He lamented over his belief that the admiral loved and valued Dean more than him. He’d said he couldn’t understand why his father couldn’t see he is the superior son, sailor, and all-around better person. Todd had ranted his brother hadn’t tried to become a SEAL. Todd didn’t feel that his father gave him enough credit for trying. I had been to the Jenkins family home. I never saw the admiral treat Todd differently or in a negative way, but Todd believed it and in his world, it’d been all that mattered.
After deciding the baby was a good thing, he’d changed almost overnight. He became sweet and attentive, just what I’d always wanted in a man. He never hit me during the pregnancy, but he was still manipulative, more possessive and controlling than ever but not physically abusive. In the world I’d grown up in, I felt like I’d finally found the life I was meant to have. In my happiness over the change, I spent the savings buying things for the baby. I decorated the spare bedroom as a nursery, bought a nice car seat, and cute gender-neutral outfits.” Abigail pauses, looking at Straw and glancing at the admiral before she continued her sad story.
“We didn’t know the sex of the baby until she was born. Todd was upset because he wanted a boy. He blamed me for having a girl instead of the son he’d wanted. Todd’s kindness during my pregnancy ended almost as soon as we’d come home from the hospital.” Abigail pauses as another memory hits her full force.
***
Despite the fact the doctor had told her in front of Todd, she is not to have intercourse until after her 6-week follow-up visit, he forces her to have sex within a week of Ellie’s birth. It hurt badly. She’d cried, begged, and pleaded with him to stop, but he’d had no compassion. He’d raped her. She only said that out loud once right after it’d happened. He’d turned red and beat her unmercifully. He’d screamed at her that she was his and he had a right to sex whenever he wanted it. It wasn’t rape. He’d gone on to say they were a couple, and it was her duty to satisfy him.
The physical abuse escalated from there. She found out he’d washed out of SEAL training. He’d never made it very far. Everything he’d told her was the lies he’d concocted in his warped brain. One night, she’d called him out on his lies, and he’d beaten her so badly, she’d lost consciousness for several minutes. She woke to the sound of Ellie crying. Todd was sitting calmly on the couch watching television and drinking a beer. Without even looking at her, he told her the baby was crying, and she needed to make it stop. In that moment,sheknew she needed to find a way to escape. She began to save money, but things got worse as time passed.
***
Abigail comes back to reality when Robert shakes her gently. “You are safe now, sweetheart,” Robert’s voice calmed her frazzled nerves, giving her the strength to continue her story for the men.
“He was actually good to me for the most part while I carried Ellie,” Abigail tells them. “At least he didn’t hit me during the pregnancy. Anyway, once she was born, he was pissed she was a girl. He’d wanted a boy. Once I came home from the hospital, the abuse started right away. I started holding money back so I could get us both away. The day before everything happened, Ellie was crying for hours. She had colic. Todd threatened to shut her up permanently if I couldn’t get her to stop.
“I rocked until I was able to get her to sleep. I was so afraid of what he would do to her. When he left for PT the next morning, I intended on getting everything packed into my car to leave before he got home, but Ellie threw up everywhere before I could get our clothes packed. I loaded most of my personal belongings into the car while she slept after giving her a bath. Todd came home before I could get our clothes packed,” Abigail stops speaking a moment. Thinking about how things had played out. “It was strange. It was like he knew I was planning on leaving.” She blows out another breath but continues, “He was so angry. He was hitting me and telling me he would never let me leave him. He got his Ka-bar knife out after that. He said he would kill me. He drew it across my neck—” Abi again pauses as she shudders from the memory. Robert reaches up and lifts her head to look at the ugly scar along her neck he’d noticed the first time he saw her.
“Is that where you got this scar?” he asks her quietly. Abigail nods. She can see how much that knowledge affects him. “Yes, I never saw a doctor. I just healed it up on my own.”
“Go on, Abi tell us the rest,” Robert encourages her to continue.
“I thought I was going to die. I didn’t mean to kill him, uh…hurt him that badly. I was just trying to get away. He dropped the knife, and when he lunged for me, I grabbed it, and I stabbed him, but that didn’t stop him. He came at me again. I was on the floor, so I used both of my feet to kick him, hard. He fell backward hitting his head on the entertainment center. It was the most sickening sound I’d ever heard. I got up to look at him, and he was lying motionless with blood everywhere. I…I though he was dead.” Abigail turns into Robert’s chest, sobbing with her tears. He wraps his arms around her holding her close.
“Abigail. He isn’t dead,” Admiral Jenkins states. Abigail raises her head to look at him. “He was injured but you called 911 before you left. The medics were able to get him to the hospital, and he recovered. He was however charged with multiple counts of rape, assault, terroristic threatening, and kidnapping. I have been trying to find you so I could make sure you and my granddaughter were safe. I felt sure you thought you would be charged in the incident, and that I would try to take Ellie away from you. I would not do that to you, to her. You were and I am sure still are a good mother. I apologize to you for my son’s behavior. I assure you he was raised to be a better man than he has been.” The admiral pauses, and Abigail jumps to ask him questions.
“Why was he charged? Why don’t you hate me for nearly killing him?” Abigail is flabbergasted that the admiral seems to be apologizing to her when she thought he would want to haul her off to jail.
“Abigail, my son is sick. His mental health is not good. Despite being in the brig for the last four years, it hasn’t helped him any. He refuses to take the medications the doctors say he needs. Fortunately for you, he was so controlling that he had hidden cameras all over the house. We were able to view all of his recordings. The whole awful incident of that day was caught on film. I am so sorry for the abuse you suffered at his hands. I am even more sorry that I didn’t recognize the signs that you were being abused by him. I am not proud of it, but I turned a blind eye to it until it was played out right in front of me on those tapes. I knew he wasn’t exactly right especially after his mother died. He didn’t handle me getting remarried very well either. I know things got even worse after he washed out of SEAL training. I hope you can forgive me. I would like to be a part of Ellie’s life, if you are willing to allow it. She is my granddaughter, after all. I want you to know, though, if you aren’t comfortable with it, I would still like to provide financially for her. It is the least I can do.” The admiral finishes. He has an expectant look on his face, but she can see the fear in his eyes that she will refuse him and keep Ellie away.
Abigail stares at the man for a long moment. “I would be happy for you to be involved in her life. You were always kind to me. I should have come to you and told you what was happening, but I have never been able to trust men. My own father was like Todd. He thrived on beating me and my mother. I left home at sixteen just to get away from him, but that was a mistake, too. I haven’t had very good luck in finding a good man. I went from one abusive relationship to the next. I knew you seemed to be different, but I was afraid to trust you.”
“Abigail, you have found a very good man. He’s holding you right now,” Admiral Jenkins tells her. “I have known this man and his friends for several years. He would never treat you or Ellie with disrespect.” Abigail looks from the admiral to Robert and back again. The admiral smiles at her. “He’s a good man, darling. Give him a chance, yeah?” Abigail doesn’t know what to say to that, so she just nods, but she feels compelled to say something to the man.
“I’m glad that Todd is alive. I never want to see him again, but I never wanted him to die,” Abigail tells the admiral. The man nods his understanding.
