Page 30 of Hot Shot
There were a couple of times I could have revealed everything except what I have to tell her could destroy her—her family—more than me pushing them from my life did.
It’s the last skeleton in my graveyard and I’m the only one breathing who knows.
Last man standing.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world. The only one to feel the pain I live with every day.
Do I have the courage to speak the truth?
Should I when the truth will have more people living with the pain of losing Laura?
“You’ve gone quiet again.”
Turning, I find Blake watching me. “Just thinking about your family.”
“They’re yours too.”
“Not really. I lost the right to claim them when I cut them out of my life, didn’t I?”
“That’s for each of them to decide. But I know for a fact Dad and Mom would never turn their backs on you.”
“I feel bad for not reaching out. For not answering their calls.”
“Are you going to tell them the truth?”
“When I apologize, yes. I think I have to.”
“Will you do that when we go this week?”
“I should.” My gaze moves off to the trees and the sunbeams playing through the leaves. “I’m not sure I have the guts to do it though.”
“I’ll be there if you want.”
“I don’t want to lean on you. I shouldn’t need to lean on you.”
“And you won’t have to forever. But right now, if you need me there, I will be.”
“You shouldn’t forgive me so easily.”
“Everyone who knows, or believes they know, how close we were thinks I should never forgive you. I don’t have the same view. As I see it, you did the only thing you could to protect your child. I can’t fault you for that. There’s no forgiveness necessary for that. I do have to forgive you for not at least explaining why you had to step away from us. If you’d told me, I would have understood.”
“You’re amazing.” I’ve never hidden my awe of Blake, how much I admire her. Even when my infatuation led to embarrassing teenage moments, she never once made me feel bad about my obvious feelings.
Her handling of her younger brothers’ best friend’s inept attempts to get her attention only made me love her deeper.
And now, with everything I’ve put us through, she’s still dealing with me and my issues with grace, with care, with her ability to forgive.
“I think you’re pretty amazing too. It’s why I know you didn’t do anything to hurt anyone. Not on purpose.”
“I still should have shown more care.”
“Sounds to me like you were barely surviving. Not sure you had the resources to show more care.”
“If I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently.”
“Wouldn’t we all? Hindsight is wonderful for making better choices but I believe you made the best choice you could at the time with the information you had. Would I have liked a heads up? Sure. Did I deserve one? Maybe. But we hadn’t made definite plans, we’d skirted the subjects, talked abstractly about the future and what we wanted without really committing to them.”
“I felt committed.”
